I Was A Lonely Girl, Until A Man Took Me And I've Not Been Lonely
I went to a party with my roommate and there was a lot of drinking and other stuff, and there was inappropriate behavior as well, and I woke up beside a guy whose name I didn't know. I got pregnant, I wasn't active so I was not on any birth control, and he was totally, one hundred percent against me terminating the pregnancy. In short, he did not give me permission. This really played on me and in spite of wanting to assert myself, he was dead set against it, and told me more than once to quit asking, I didn't have permission.
I got married in my eighth month. For it my girlfriend designed and made for me a white gown, that was so loose it flowed, at times catching the breeze and really wrapping around my belly. The pictures bore that out. But everyone knew I was knocked up, it wasn't some surprise.
He took me to his house, gave me a set a keys, and told me the kitchen was mine and he liked home cooked meals, and not going out. He showed me the laundry, he bought me a new washer dryer set, and the closet where the broom and other supplies were kept. I saw the linen closet, and he said he wanted the bed changed once a week, and he showed me a room where I could put my baby. Throughout my tour I didn't say anything. I knew already that I was screwed.
With the baby I quit my job, part of the reason I even got married. I didn't want to work and have to hire a day care. So there I was, 27 with a new baby and living the life of a housewife, cooking and picking up, I had a maid service every two weeks to help with the heavy cleaning. After a couple of difficult times getting the baby back into the baby seat in the back, he said fuck it, and bought me a Honda Pilot. I had never had a new car in my life.
All that was good as far as that went. It was the nighttime activities that were never ending. Many times he got on me and I fell asleep under him. I was always tired and when I did hit the bed I fell asleep, and he wasn't happy about that. I didn't refuse him if he started in the kitchen, I took my panties off and let him push my house dress up over my back and go to town with all his huffing and puffing. He took me on the living room rug, he took me in the shower, he took me at my mother's house, he took me just because he wanted to. I stopped with the birth control 'barrier' and I was soon pregnant again. I liked being pregnant the first time, I looked forward to my second pregnancy, my hopes were for a girl, he had his son.
I get a lot of grief from friends who cannot understand how I could want to be pregnant. I don't know. It's not conscious, I feel it when he grabs me, and telling myself to wait doesn't help. That's part of the reason I had three children in three years. One per year, like the old timey women. Except that he can afford them and I live in a nice house and I have a nanny to help me.
All this is to say, when I first woke up beside him I thought my life was over. When I found out that I was pregnant I went off the deep end. When he did not give me permission to terminate the pregnancy I was mad at him. Except I wasn't. I was excited at being pregnant and when he 'forbade' me I felt the biggest relief ever. He hemmed and hawed for months before he married me, and I have a house of my own with everything I could want with it. I look forward to him grabbing me, pulling me around and planting a kiss on me, spanking me when I walk off, grabbed and held down with him between my legs, showing me he is the boss and I had better like it.
I can't get enough, I'm perpetually horny. The doctor tells me that i am flooded with hormones, hormones that can only be satisfied when I conceive another baby. Hormones that come from nursing the baby, hormones that are excited when I see him, or as she says, when I smell him around me. I'm a little bitch, I know it. I can't help it.
