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Women Only
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Straight Female / 29
My Life Up To Now
You've head the song, 'if I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all', or there abouts. Well, I had bad luck.
First, my dad took off with another lady, moved overseas and never paid a dime. The house mortgage was more than my mom could get selling the house. The cars, leased. The bank accounts empty. One day we were on the street. My mother hadn't worked since I was born, no college education. We ended up in a woman's shelter.
After getting a job working in a laundromat we moved into a run down apartment. The grocery store was the foodbank, clothes were from charity. In school I had one friend, another school, not the one I had been in. This friend, a girl, was horsing around and fell over a wall into a cement patio, broke her neck and is paralyzed. It shook me up, still does. I withdrew.
Having to work I chose non public facing work. I graduated and a family foundation helped with tuition and I worked and went to the city college. After six years I graduated. I made more money working tables. A guy grabbed me, forced me face down on a table, someone pulled my pants down to initiate me. He was about to strike when another guy decked him. No one talked, it 'didn't' happen. I left that job.
I became obsessed with assault. I got a job through an agency. It was data entry. This man insisted on buying me office clothes. I had to model for him. He forced me to buy underwear, and show him what I bought. He refused anything practical, he wanted sexy. It was supposed to make me feel sexy. He paid a hairdresser, nails, bought me j*welry. He moved me and my mom into a decent apartment. I had to cook for him.
Many months later he told my mom my day had come, I had to get married and get my family going. Yes, I hid in the bathroom the day I got married. I refused to let him see me in underwear, much less naked. I got deflowered. I got pregnant. We moved to a house and my mom stayed home with the baby. I got these attacks of guilt, here I was married, having baby, and my friend in a bed paralyzed. One day she told me, have many babies.
My luck shifted, somewhere. I work because I want to, I don't want to be like my mother. I have babies because my friend can never have babies. I am not a 'good' wife, I don't know how to. I'm scared of my husband. I'm 29 years old, not even thirty. I convinced my husband to move my friend into a facility close to where we live, so I can see her everyday and tell her I will always love her.
First, my dad took off with another lady, moved overseas and never paid a dime. The house mortgage was more than my mom could get selling the house. The cars, leased. The bank accounts empty. One day we were on the street. My mother hadn't worked since I was born, no college education. We ended up in a woman's shelter.
After getting a job working in a laundromat we moved into a run down apartment. The grocery store was the foodbank, clothes were from charity. In school I had one friend, another school, not the one I had been in. This friend, a girl, was horsing around and fell over a wall into a cement patio, broke her neck and is paralyzed. It shook me up, still does. I withdrew.
Having to work I chose non public facing work. I graduated and a family foundation helped with tuition and I worked and went to the city college. After six years I graduated. I made more money working tables. A guy grabbed me, forced me face down on a table, someone pulled my pants down to initiate me. He was about to strike when another guy decked him. No one talked, it 'didn't' happen. I left that job.
I became obsessed with assault. I got a job through an agency. It was data entry. This man insisted on buying me office clothes. I had to model for him. He forced me to buy underwear, and show him what I bought. He refused anything practical, he wanted sexy. It was supposed to make me feel sexy. He paid a hairdresser, nails, bought me j*welry. He moved me and my mom into a decent apartment. I had to cook for him.
Many months later he told my mom my day had come, I had to get married and get my family going. Yes, I hid in the bathroom the day I got married. I refused to let him see me in underwear, much less naked. I got deflowered. I got pregnant. We moved to a house and my mom stayed home with the baby. I got these attacks of guilt, here I was married, having baby, and my friend in a bed paralyzed. One day she told me, have many babies.
My luck shifted, somewhere. I work because I want to, I don't want to be like my mother. I have babies because my friend can never have babies. I am not a 'good' wife, I don't know how to. I'm scared of my husband. I'm 29 years old, not even thirty. I convinced my husband to move my friend into a facility close to where we live, so I can see her everyday and tell her I will always love her.
