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This category is for confessing to things that are just plain 'ol "funny as fuck." If it won't make us piss ourselves with laughter, it simply doesn't belong here. Knock yourself out you funny shit..

- Funny As Fuck -
Straight Female / 34

The Joke Was On My Grandma.

After my Papa passed away, I was helping my Grandma cleaning out her house in order to sell it and move into a condo. I had taken down several boxes from the attic and she was sitting on the floor going thru them deciding what to keep and what had to go.

I was down the hall and I heard her laughing. When I went in she had a handful of old polaroids which she put back in the envelope they were in. I asked her what was so funny and she told me she couldn't believe she had kept the pictures all these years.

With a little prodding, she showed me the pictures. I almost fainted as she held up several photos. They were of my Papa when he was a wrestler -weightlifter in college. Several photos were of him in a brief speedo type pair of shorts and then she showed me some photos of my Papa nude.

I told her how impressed I was and how Papa was well endowed as I giggled. She then went on to say how she almost fainted the first time she they had sex and saw his big hard cock. The she really shocked me when she told me she used to gag trying to get it all in her mouth. We were squealing and laughing our heads off.

Now the rest of the story is that secretly, I already knew that my Papa was well endowed. As a young teen I had not only seen it, but had given him hand jobs. I had tried to suck his cock, but there was no way I could do it back then.

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# 75295 - by Trisha / December 12, 2024
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 21

    Bingo Night

    I have been hooking up with my 48 year old next door neighbor for about 6 months now. Started over the summer while I came home and what was a summer fling turned into a full blown relationship that she juggles. Yes she is married with a kid. Her son is in 7th grade and the school recently had bingo night for a fund raiser. The deal is that she was supposed to help set up then she was going to stay and play then help clean up. She did show up around 4:30 set up for this to start around 6. At 5:45 I showed up and parked my truck next to her suv. A few minutes later she came out and gave me a hug and kiss. She had on a pair of tight as jeans heels and a blouse. Watching her peel off her jeans was a sight that I ever get tired of. We are hot and heavy she asked me to eat her so I did then I told her I wanted to fuck she is naked except for her thong on all 4s we had put her seats down in rubbing my cock head between her pussy lips and my thumb in her ass. She never disappoints turns her head and tells me to fuck her butt. She has been thinking all day and she could use a good ass fuck. She pulls out a small vibrator out of her purse and rubs it on her clit as I’m sliding in and out or her gorgeous fat ass. We went at it for a while bingo was over at 8:30 right about that time she had started to get dressed. Her top was on so she was sitting in her top and panties when I kissed her then her neck then she kissed me back and quickly climbed back on top of me. Never to disappoint she whispered she was going to let her husband have it tonight but since I’m juts going to take it he could have sloppy seconds. I pumped her full and sent her home with a deposit in all 3 holes. She said that she was t sure what she was going to do she may end up playing the she is to tired tonight card. She was leaking a lot. Fucking married women is so hot

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    # 75280 - by Tim / December 12, 2024
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 24

    Finally Had Enough

    I have been seeing this women from the Hum for a couple of months and she was caught or should she is suspected of cheating. She is married with 2 kids. She is this short little blond woman maybe 5 foot tall curvy when we fuck she can take a pounding rides me back seat anal great little fuck. She got a little sloppy and her husband may have seen her phone and some nudes had sent me. We were hooking il a few times a week but since the messages she has had trouble sneaking around. It’s nice that she still tries but i really wanted to fuck one night and she was not available. I gave her a tough time about it gave her a guilt trip and she caved and came over the next day. I was balls deep and o could hear her phone going off she pulled it out and saw it was her husband but he kept calling. I stopped mid stroke and told her to answer it. She did and it was an instant argument he wouldn’t get off the phone so while she was on her back and I was till partially inside her I gave it all to her and plunged balls deep. She let out a load gasp and moaned and proceeded to almost cum. She could not hold back and gave me a look pretty much knowing she was cooked. He screamed what was going on. All that he could here where grunts from me and her and her finally letting it go and cum. She cried and ended up spending the night. The last few days she has come and gone as he kicked her out and then wants her back. She keeps asking what she should do and we end up having sex. Then I remember why I did what I did. He would like to work it out with her. I enjoy fucking her and am torn on what she should do. Her husband asked for counseling but says he can’t get that phone call out of his mind. He reached out to me and asked why wanting all kinds of answers which i answered. Kept asking how many times I fucked her. I told him a lot and recently started giving to her in her ass as well. He hung up on me

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    # 75265 - by Anonymous / December 11, 2024
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 48

    She Almost Got Caught By Her Student.

    A few years ago, when I was trying to sleep with every woman I met, I was seeing woman who was the Dean of Students at a local elementary school. We were both in our early 40's, and we had a lot of fun together. We would sext each other while we were at work. Sometimes she would even send me pics of her playing with herself in her office.

    Anyway, i had to travel for work and would be driving a company car through her town. I asked if she wanted to hook up for a quickie on my way through, and she said yes. We met at the local big box grocery store and found a secluded parking spot. We climbed into the backseat and started making out. When I tried to slide my hands into her pants she said no, because it was "that time". I understood and we kept playing.

    She opened up my pants and slid them down to my ankles along with my underwear. She quickly looked around to make sure no one could see, and then buried her face in my lap. While she was giving me a great blowjob, I heard voices and noticed someone walking on a retaining wall behind my car. They were so high in the air all I could see were there shoes. I told her someone was coming and shoved her head deeper into my lap, and my cock deeper down her throat. She gagged a little, but held her position, even licking my balls while she was down there. After what seemed like forever, the passerby were gone. When she raised her head and looked at who was walking past, she said "I know that kid. He was in my office today and got detention." Then she immediately engulfed my cock again.
    She and I had a lot of fun together. To bad it ended when she found out I was sleeping with a friend of hers. I didn't know they were friends, and she didn't mind me seeing other people, she said it was just weird.

    I wonder what she's doing now?

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    # 75187 - by Xxlnhorny / December 7, 2024
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 21

    Wiping From The Front

    Ok I’m a straight guy and I do something that I think is different from most people.

    After taking a shit instead of leaning forward and wiping from behind I reach between my legs from the front and wipe back to front.

    I was raised by a single mom, maybe that’s why ?

    Anyone else do this ?

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    # 75177 - by Thewiper / December 7, 2024
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 47

    It Was The Best Time Of My Young Life

    I met gf then at of all places a movie theater this women would end up being my wife. She as very attractive my age bleached blond hair green eyes very petite with surprisingly a nice rack and round little ass. Just my type. She was very very sweet and innocent. Had only been with one other guy and she from what she said hated it because he didn’t know what he was doing. Pretty much pumped a few times and blew his load from what it sounds. Then pulled the dick move and ghosted her as tried to connect with her after we were together. I was still in school and it turned out that I attended college with her cousin that was the same age as us. Found this out one time while at a party and the gf was with me. She introduced us and that’s when it started. Her cousin looked a lot like my gf but sported her natural brown hair with hazel eyes. Every else was the same. Her cousin was also way more outgoing. She tracked me down and with out her cousin my gf knowing she started running in my crowd. After a few weeks and a party we ended up hooking up. While my gf was gorgeous and looked absolutely gorgeous naked her cousin did as well but fucked like a porn star. We went from a casual occasional fuck to a daily hammering in the morning before she left and in the evening before we went to bed. I actually had a roommate decide to move out because we shared a room and she would be very loud when getting fucked. I later found out he was gay cool guy but gay and though that sex should be private. I didn’t care who was in the room when she wanted to fuck we would fuck and it was often. At summer break we moved back home and she ended up hooking out her future husband. After a few fucks my gf got better as well and eventually gave her a run for her money. Once she loosened up and accepted that behind closed doors she can be as slutty as she wants it was on. I knew she was the one and put a ring on her finger. At family events we talked and the cousins where close and stayed close. We have vacationed together many times. Her cousin has always said that I was her monster fuck and missed it. She always talked about it when we had some time together and no one was around. About 3 years after we where both married we ended up arranging to meet up and we did. Once a month we meet at the same place and spend a good day pure raw rough sex. She has a very good point that our sexual chemistry is fucking strong. She puts it as you make love to your wife who you love and she loves her husband. You fuck me because I’m your slut and your my stud. It’s just pure very good sex. Wife and I just celebrated our anniversary and went to dinner with them. Her cousin and husband no weird feelings no ass grabbing only once a month. This is our arrangement and we have been doing this for years.

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    # 75154 - by Frank / December 6, 2024
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 27

    The Sounds That Come Out Of Her Are Hard To Ignore

    I chased this women for about 6 months constantly hitting on her until she finally caved and went to have coffee with me. Coffee turned into drinks drinks turned to kissing and petting. She told me that before we moved any further I had to be ok with her being married. She was married and had a kid. I already knew that but she wanted to be upfront about it. Told her that I don’t care specially at that ex can’t time I was hard as a rock and needed to blow my load. She literally sucked me for a few minutes then I blew my load. I returned the favor and ate her out and eventually got her panties off and had her ride me. She was a great duck and she had an amazing thick ass that I enjoyed fingering and playing with. I drive. Large truck extra cab she has a VW SUV. Her seats lay flat and there is not room. We fucked around and it was probably a few weeks after we had started slapping skin when i started to really play with her ass. Eating licking rimming it giving it more attention. Even order a set of toys that we could insert 2 sizes to help her stretch. First time I fucked her with her plug in she came so hard she kept on asking for the plug. Eventually she was able to take the larger one which is about the same size as my dick head. She knew what I wanted she wa nervous but said that she would try anything I wanted and she knew that I wanted it. She said that she was a virgin back there. Her husband never showed interest in it never asking for it. So after a couple of weeks of ass play the day came and I had started having her come over after the gym. She didn’t work so she had free time although she likes to fuck in the car which we would do on occasion. Since she was giving her ass up to me i wanted to get a good video of this. I’m in film so I have all the equipment to get different angles with multiple shots and angles. She knew I liked to record her getting fucked and she was ok with it. She is on the border of saying those words that she thinks she loves me. Anyways I have it all set up. She had always had a lisp a slight lisp but never really paid attention until that day. She was partially deaf and wore a very small ear piece to hear and that caused the lisp. We start at it kissing eating her she stares at the cameras talk to them I’m think this girl could be in porn. We start to fuck after a bit she stick her ass out so the camera can see that she has ok a cute plug in. I eat her from behind and start to pull her plug out. It pops out her ass looks ready I lube up and start to slide in. I brought her a vibrator to put up to her clit she instantly puts it right to work. As soon as she does that she relaxes and my head pops in. I’m half way in and pull out then she pushes into I let her dictate the pace and before we know it the vibrations are getting to her I’m starting to get a little rougher she tells me to pull her hair I reach for it and grab onto it and really kick it in and all of a sudden she starts shaking and I start really hammering away. Her chunky ass is clapping and I hear her making these gorilla ape sounds she is saying shit and I don’t understand her she is getting louder when i see her ear piece on the floor of the bedroom. I pick up the pace again and more ape sounds. I have about 10 minutes of this clip and it’s fucking hilarious. I got back into it and her asshole felt amazing and before I knew it she’s shaking again this time soaks my bed and I drop a load into her big ass booty. When I pulled out it made a loud plopping noise and all this leaked out of it. She laid flat onto her tummy I kissed her and kissed her neck she kissed back I got hard again and back in goes my cock. This time she lay flat and I took turns between her holes. I went from ass to piss to dumping in her mouth. It’s been a little over 9 months we still hang out together we watch the video at my place we both laugh and sometimes she takes the ear piece off and makes these crazy sounds. She says that her husband hates when her ear piece is out. I told her that her noises made her sound sexy as hell. In a weird way it does. I’m hoping she will let em post the video one day. I have even told her that I can edit it to blurt her face she has thought about it but changed her mind thinking her husband could possibly see it by accident. She has a very distinctive birth mark on her lower butt cheek that shows and I could see how someone could recognize her.

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    # 75106 - by Anonymous / December 3, 2024
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 29

    Well Worth It Glad We Made It Work

    When I was 17 my dad hooked me up with one of his buddies that owned a chain of pizza places. Some by the college some in the middle of town. While the one closer to the college would have been fun and probably would have seen more girls my age I was sent to work at 2 that where in Mid town. Primarily families and seemed to be always busy. So instead of hot girls my age I got how milfs with kids who some where rude and some would jump at the chance to suck off a good looking guy who showed them attention. It wasn’t hundreds of women there was a few that I got to nail while a few dozen sucked me off or gave me hand jobs. Somewhere hot some where just blow jobs and hand jobs the hot ones I’d push to fuck. The girls that worked there at time where passed around by the staff. We were all young and it was fun. After a year I stopped bouncing between places and was one close to home. Close enough that if often walk literally a 5 minute walk. One afternoon the owner walks in and says that his daughter in law was going to start tonight as a part timer and she would need help and if I could help her out. He pretty much told me that his son worked not for him he couldn’t count on him and she was no better but would help them out and said to help her anyway I could. She’s not the sharpest tool he said under his breath. I was expecting a snobby person who didn’t want to work. Stacy showed up she was a big girl. Not fat just tall she was close to my height and I’m 6 foot 2. I’d say close to 6 foot tall 180 lbs curly blond hair in a ponytail a slender waist some
    Fat tits that were clearly showing and a pair of jeans that hugged her fat ass. She was big boned you could tell that with a little gym time she would be hot as fuck. She was a bit sloppy looking. To be honest she tried very hard and after a few days she got the hang of it. It’s not rocket science and her confidence was up started joking with us. Because she was the bosses daughter in law the guys kept their hands to themselves. I flirted with her and I found out she was only 4 years older than me and she was living with his son not married. He just assumed she would eventually marry him. After a few weeks and some flirting back and forth between us I. Prices she refused to change her hours. She could easily work on her own during the day and do a good job. This bothered her bf but she was working and she was happy. Our flirting got heavy one day when we chatted and i mentioned how hot she looked especially when she showed off her curves. She started wearing more revealing shorts and would unbutton her blouse if we where in the back one day she had undone her blouse while we we alone in the back and stood up it was hardly covering anything and her tits where out. We stayed back for close to an hour making out sucking her tits. I had walked to work that night after we closed she drove me 3 minutes to my driveway where she sucked and fucked me for about an hour. It got to the point where we couldn’t keep our hands off even at work. Eventually it got out that we where dating one day she came to me and said she was living with her parents and had broke up with her bf. Well it didn’t take long before I was let go. It was ok I was close to graduating and needed a change. Stacy and I kept dating we made it work. Her ex tried and tried to confronted me but never did anything. Finally one evening while I was slamming into Stacy I heard her phone ring and made her answer she couldn’t carry a conversation he was on speaker I took the phone and told him that she was busy with a cock in her ass and I’d make sure she called him back if he wanted after I reamed her asshole. I told him I can go for a few hours don’t will be a while but il have her call you when I’m done with her. He didn’t say anything he was quiet and I made sure to thrust in and really hammer into Stacy’s asshole. Stacy and was always loud and when she was close to cumming she got louder. She was close and finally came and I kept pumping. Last thing she said before he hung up was fuck it’s going to be a long fuck I do t think I can take it that long again I might pass out again and click he hung up. I kept my promise and a few hours after he hung up I had her call him
    Back and went to voice mail. Never called again lol. Stacy is now expecting our first born. Stacy is a runner she and I have a great relationship we have both grown over these past few years. Our chemistry especially with sex is amazing. It’s hard to find a women that knows what you like and she cums with you and vice versa. She knows what I like I know what’s he likes and it works.

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    # 75066 - by Brannon aka B / December 1, 2024
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 20

    My Roommate Doesn’t Know How His Gf Makes Extra Money

    I’ve lived with my buddy for two years. He’s dating this pretty hot blonde for almost a year idk. So she’s making extra money from her restaurant job. I found her! She sells her videos and pictures. She still has 2 up that has her ex in them. It’s not a lot but it’s money. My roommate is very against it and I know it. So I presented it to her and she did pretty much what I thought and would do. Act embarrassed, begged me not to tell and then pleaded with a blowjob. So funny. I had an hour and told her to start with the head. It was really good too. Got me moaning telling her I wanted that pussy.she said to stop at first but rolled her eyes as I got my dick in her. I came in her and it was decent at best. She was lazy obviously just waiting for me to get it over with. She said she will delete those especially with her ex and I’ll never will see them again. I saved them, st*pid b*tch hahah. I’m definitely getting more pussy.

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    # 75052 - by Gabe / November 30, 2024
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 51

    Actual Work Wife That Has Lasted

    I have a woman that I have worked with for over 20 years. For 19 of those years she has been my work wife and I have been her work husband. We are both married still married and have kids. I have kids with my wife and we think she has kids with her husband. With out a paternity test we will never know and we are good with that. Our significant others don’t know how close we actually are. We tend to go on business trips a lot in our line of work. Not just us but a groups of us. Sometimes are spouses go and we don’t get lazy and do anything out of the ordinary. We both make time for each other at work and on trips we make sure are rooms are connected. I was promoted to director of development and moved our division to a different by that gave us private offices. We have about 20 people in our building but they keep busy enough and our offices connect and we share a bathroom. Behind closed doors we just fuck. I enjoy being inside her and she enjoys me behind her. Out of the 20 years of working together we have been screwing each other for 19 of those years. We make great money I made sure she was never left behind. She jokes that she fucked her way to the top and actually tells me this when she is on top of me. It’s not a fling it’s full on love from both us. We support each other at work and at home. I took a bit but our spouses finally where convinced that it was work only. We never worked super late we always invited our partners to where ver we where going being as transparent as possible. Now sometimes at lunch she spends time on her back or bent over. On average we do work a bit later then some as needed. But not every day. Usually a couple of times a week we stay about an hour late and suck and fuck each other. She just had her wedding anniversary and my wife and I where there. We often go out for dinner and are fairly close. We figure that keeping them close and having them see us interact while out about work shows that we are primarily always talking about work. We don’t text each other. If so it’s work related or she will text my wife and will ask her to ask me work related questions. It’s been working for 19 years and we actually celebrate our anniversary as well. While on a recent business trip I had us attend a conference that was near the coast. It was only a 2 day conference but I extended it to a full week for both of us. My employees thought that are spouses would be meeting us at the beach. We fucked for the rest of the week. She tanned and fucked her ass is off limits to her husband she never wanted to try it even though he asked and begged for it. She gave it up to me on a business trip. Poor thing took it like a champ and cried the first few times. Gave it up to me because she loves me is what she said. She has a very nice large ass that sticks out. Small tits with large nipples rides me like she rides horses. She actually rode horses as a young girl and it shows. Stories she has told me about what she did to her horse get me going. Really dirty behind closed doors. She has shown me how she cleans up when she gets home to hide the evidence and it involves her large black lab. Watching what she did in front of me made me re fill her up again one day il tell those stories of people want to hear about them.

    1
    # 75020 - by Anonymous / November 29, 2024
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