This category is for confessing to things that are just plain 'ol "funny as fuck." If it won't make us piss ourselves with laughter, it simply doesn't belong here. Knock yourself out you funny shit..

Big Girls Blow Better

My experiences with fat chicks are only ever blowjobs. If they want to receive oral or get pounded I just tell them "nah" and nut in their face. They always come back for more :)

  • Small World

    I met my now step-dad and brother for a fishing trip one weekend about a decade ago spent the whole weekend being a bottom for them both, both hung and were pretty assertive. Didn't talk to much about personal stuff just random bullshit and fucking. Few months later I go to lunch to meet my mom's new boyfriend and it was the dad. Little awkward for him but I found it funny. And 8 months later they were getting married lmao

    Caught With My Pants Down

    We were at a public pool and I went to get dressed. I had taken off my swimsuit and was totally naked before putting my clothes on. A male lifeguard came in and just stared at me, I stood there with my bra in my hand staring back at him. After a minute he said the girls showers were the next door.

  • Drunk Barefoot Construction Worker

    Drunk Barefoot Construction Worker

    I was having lunch at Subway until a Drunk Construction Worker wearing a Hard Hat, Vest, and he was barefoot came in stumbling over the tables. A Subway worker told the man he needs to sober up and wear shoes in a restaurant than he stands on top of an empty table and began singing The Village People's YMCA very loudly and lifted up his dirty ass feet in the air before falling off the table and landing int the trash can. The Employees told the Construction Worker that he needs to leave but than he ran into the restroom barefoot and I was really grossed out seeing a grown ass man walking barefoot in the restroom.

    Thansome time later the man left the restroom and came back into the restaurant in his fucking underwear which had obvious skidmarks on them. Than he picks up his foot and starts to smell his fucking feet as everyone was getting seriously grossed out seeing this idiot smelling his feet in Subway. He then walks barefoot inside the kitchen and takes a packet of mustard squirts it on his foot, grabs a handful of pickles as employees was yelling at this idiot to leave than he walks over to my table. Snatches My Sandwich, puts his bare foot in my sandwich and starts sucking his toes on my sandwich. I was so enraged I grabbed a 2By4 and crack him in the head with it as the idiot fell to the floor as Subway staff dragged this drunk Half naked Village People Reject out of the restaurant. Macho Macho Man.

    Small World Sometimes

    So i find a lot of humor in what I'm about to tell because how paths can cross unexpectedly.
    Well back when my parents divorced I was going through a wild phase and trying new things. I went on a fishing weekend at this place I heard interesting things about the reasons people actually go there. Well the first night I got out there I met a cool laid back couple guys who were actually Dad and son. Having a guys weekend asked if I wanted hang with them so I did and it wasn't to long before our talking got around to why we came to that place to fish. One thing lead to another and they spent the weekend double teaming me.
    At the end of the weekend we went our ways not exchanging info, but couple months later I go to meet my mom's new boyfriend and turns out to be the dad from that weekend trip. The look in his eyes were priceless and we played it off that we had never met

  • Help Me Find Out What This Kink Is Called Lol

    What is it called when u have a kink for people getting red and hot and sweaty?

    Hate Bible Bashing Social Engineering Guilt Tripping Failures

    I am sick of people at church attacking me for masturbation or watching porn. I don't think that god gives a stuff and he forgives our desires and flesh. Sex is just a function and its healthy expression and if I want to masturbate rather then be fucking old beetroot head old loser men at the church who want to force sex and gods marriage shit on you. no my choice always and never your abuse. that is what god told me to say. then its my choice to watch porn at home and touch myself safe in my bedroom and does that bother you much? jealous much? tough! I don't sell too cheap ever again. r**e changed me and taught me the bullshit of man and society and dumb old church ways that are lies to control women. no thank you you sell that to some other fool. It doesn't make me less a person in gods eyes. I am not a hooker. I do not use my pussy to get me through life. I pray and ask for forgiveness. I think if god gave us enough understanding and sense then he understands our physical desires. Its like exercise really. I sleep better. I feel relaxed afterwards, I only do it with good intentions. I wish all the porn people I look at the best. They got money to that job. I am sure god forgives them too. Not everyone will get sex. I do not want to be forced into r**e or being used again. So you wasting your time trying to play that ungodly girl game at me for fingering myself. Most men like it. Most couples still do it. I am so sick of hearing all the rubbish about portals by these new age wicca people. You could open a portal taking a piss or brushing your teeth or doing a aerobic workout or run. Just fucking fuck off with your crap just cuz you have such rigid old values and can't stand people knowing you wank off is not my problem. It means nothing to me that people might thing I do or look at porn. One church male friend told me everyone does it but no one talks about it or admits it. I don't want to fall for the first loser that falls in front of me. I might if he right for me but I don't want to be so foolish ever again. I was r**ed 10 years ago and does god forgive that? I don't want to be so dumb ever again. Spanking keeps my wits about me and I learnt a lot too and experts are not born. god wants us to enjoy pleasure or he wouldn't have made it so. so fuck off all you wafer thin brain twits who fail at all attempts and your weak stories. I feel guilty for nothing! got that. god knows me. he knows my heart. and that is all that matters to me. I am being as good as I can be. I don't want to be a hooker fucking for money on the street. so I prefer my own home safe finding some relief. its exercise. you failed. god still won me.

    Red Blooded Iowa Boy

    Many years before Ralphie got his BB gun I got mine. The first day I went out in the field behind our house to shoot anything. I came across a couple fucking in the grass, behind a small rise. I decided to shoot him in the ass. He jumped up cussing , his pants around his ankles. I took off running but tripped on a rock and he caught me. He beat the shit out of me before stopping and holding me up and helped stop my nose bleed and get my clothes strait. He shook his head and called me a crazy kid and to never shoot anyone again.

    Celebrity Dream Highly Confusing

    so I feel really embarrassed and I mean to the "assed" about this. but I am now in my 50s and I am overweight woman who likes the gym and never had real dates but not a virgin. so go figure it out. but I had a dream about 3 weeks ago that Jeffree Star fucked me and put his dick inside my vag. Well, it was a strange dream because I am not even a fan of his ever. I don't think I have see one video on his channel and I don't buy make up. I can't say I hated it or loved it. I just don't know what to feel about it. I mean would any woman? I know I am rather butch looking but I am not gay or bi. So, what the fuck hell can this mean? someone have sympathy on my poor ass please!

  • Lazy T Trail Ride

    Wife and I got pretty drunk at brunch today and I couldn't keep my hands off of her in the cute little sundress she picked out that shows off just a bit too much leg (I love it). We went out after church with a few other couples to someone's place where they had a brunch spread and plenty of cocktails. As we sat in the back of the little outdoor place we were eating, I was able to basically have my hand up her dress all through the meal - I could really feel the heat off her genitalia. :)

    As we were getting ready to leave our little Easter brunch group, I slid my hand up her back, got a handful of hair, and gently pulled her close to me. Without thinking, and still more than a little bit drunk, I said in her ear "I want to ride you, just like a trail ride. Easy, girl. Good girl." She responded by LOUDLY making a horse noise and saying "giddy-up, sir!"

    When we got home, I got her naked in about 4 seconds flat, and had her put over her sex pillow so her perfect ass and gorgeous hairy pussy were staring at me, perfectly puckered pussy ready to plow. I lubed up, got another handful of hair, and entered her slowly.

    And we rode at a slow trot, almost perfectly in sync like on a trail ride. It was incredible - I steered her head with that handful of hair, told her she was a good girl and rubbed her flanks, and kissed her from behind while she worked her little pussy to meet my lazy thrusts.

    I moaned long and loud as emptied into my little filly. Then I patted her ass, told her she was good again, and asked her if she wanted some oats or an apple. She again made a loud horse noise and laughed at me.

    What a good fucking afternoon. I fucking love this woman. If you're single out there, get you a weird one. They are so much more fun.