Adult Confessions

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This category is for confessing to things that are just plain 'ol "funny as fuck." If it won't make us piss ourselves with laughter, it simply doesn't belong here. Knock yourself out you funny shit..

- Funny As Fuck -
Straight Female / 19

Seriously, We Have A Problem

The day came when kissing her happened. Unplanned. Now we both have a problem. We both kissed a girl.

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# 53695 - by Kelly / September 15, 2021
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Female / 24

    She's My Friend

    Whats up guys,

    So I'm Sydney and this is my confession. One night drunk at a party with my boyfriend I was super horney and wanted to suck his cock. I told him we slipped upstairs to get away. We went into a bedroom where we saw one of my best friends passed out on a workout bench of all things just snoring away sleeping on her back. My boyfriend was like shit let's find a different room but I though it would be fun for me to blow him next to her. He was nervous incase she woke up or would find out but he eventually whipped out his cock for me. I dropped to my knees literally right next to her and started sucking. This was turning me on even more I was super wet and wanted more of his dick. I had to pretty much beg him but I did convinced him to face fuck me over top of her. He stood over top of her on that workout bench thingy and my face was pretty much right above her face. We were both nervous but excited at the same time. I started sucking his cock long and deep. He then grabbed both sides of my head and face fucked me hard. I was deepthroating, gagging and drooling on my friend and she didn't move a muscle. I love sucking cock and the rough deep throat even made me cum a few times. When it was time for him to cum i told him to cum on both of our faces. He didn't hesitate. He took his dick out jerking it and i put my face right next to hers and he blew a huge load. We were both covered in cum. Some got in my eye which stings like he'll and I mean my friend was a mess. My boyfriend took photos of us covered in his cum and we cleaned up and left the party. The next day I texted that friend of mine and asked her how her night was. She laughed and said i don't know what the fuck happened but I woke up with puke and cum on me. I replied to her what the hell happened and I guess before my boyfriend and I came into the room to do what we did SHE sucked off 2 other guys who came on her titts is what she told me. She had gotten cleaned up and then passed out on that workout bench. She said she doesn't remember letting them cum on her face but whatever it would be the first time LOL. She didn't seem to care at all so I think my boy friend and I got away with a freebie here. I never did tell her it was my boyfriend and I and my boyfriend still has pictures to this day hahaha its been about 3 years now since. I will admit I bring it up from time to time because I get horney just talking about it.

    2
    # 53544 - by Sydney / September 9, 2021
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Bi-Sexual Female / 27

    1950s Housewife

    This is not a confession but something that amused and quite turned me on too. It was a true account about a young housewife in the early 1950s. She married a man almost 20 years older than her who owned a solicitors practice and was a family friend of her fathers.

    It sounded like it was almost an arranged marriage although she used the language that he was “trustworthy, genuine and affluent” I’m guessing the last word sealed the deal for her. The marriage sounded very bizarre especially when it came to sex. This young wife would have to start preparing dinner at 5:30 ready for her husbands return at 6:00. She would then have to put on a dress he had chosen for her in the morning but not underwear except for stockings. At 5:59 she would have to lie on the ‘marriage bed’ and wait for him to return. He would come into the bedroom and confirm if he required ‘carnality’, If he did, he would just fuck her there and then, and when finished she would return to the kitchen and complete the dinner. If he didn’t require her to ‘perform her marriage duty’ then she would be excused from the bedroom putting her ‘undergarments’ back on to return to the kitchen.

    At any time of the day or night, she was expected to have sex with her husband whenever he wanted regardless of her wishes! If he required carnality during her monthly cycle then she would have to clean herself up as best she could and a towel was used on the bed to stop any staining of the sheets. If she was ill and didn’t feel like it, this didn’t matter, knickers were down at his command and he would fuck her. She recounted one story where she had eaten something and caught food poisoning and was admitted to hospital as she was very badly dehydrated. Apparently, he was ‘very diligent’ whilst visiting her in hospital; however, as soon as she had been discharged from the hospital she had to endure a fucking within minutes of arriving home.

    She used to wear underwear to bed; however, she had to ask permission as he might want to use her ‘intimate feminine place’ during the night!! She was basically a sex and household slave, a little like Dobby with a pussy!!

    Some of the other stuff was just bizarre, apparently, she had to give up her civil service job as married women were not allowed to work!! I think the grossest thing was when she described giving birth in the 1950s, that sounded quite gruesome. Her husband didn’t touch her during her pregnancy but after 3 days in hospital once home he wanted her that night despite there being ‘intense discomfort during our exchange’

    Thank God things have changed!! Although I did rather like the thought of removing underwear and waiting legs parted on the bed.

    2
    # 53252 - by Modern Housewife / August 26, 2021
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Bi-Sexual Male / 56

    Streaking High On Crack

    I can't believe some of the shit l have done high on crack and drunk.
    I have streaked more times than I can remember but some of the craziest times I remember are when I used to be able to smoke weed and crack casually while drinking alcohol and by the late night I was so happily fucked up and naked with a scared turtle head numb nub dick and a horny little throbbing gaping ass hole.
    I would deck myself out in slave j*welry and twink tats and write derogatory things all over myself in Sharpe markers then roam around outside not caring if I got caught.
    Eventually making it back home l would stake 2 zucchini and rig a gangbang on my 4s riding a zucc and sucking on the other.........end scene!!

    2
    # 52925 - by Naked boy / August 11, 2021
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Female / 21

    Horny Me

    I'm a young girl... It has been almost two years since I got last fucked by my ex.
    I still horny of his big long cock inside of me.. Making soup of my insides

    Since these two years.. Sometimes when my parents aren't around I walk around in my neighbourhood braless wearing see through material. Occasionally I go such to work as well and remove my jacket and stand in the crowded bus.. Each time the bus halts my tits shake.. Left and right.. I'm a 36DD..At times I find unknown hands caressing them and even my c**t

    Only the other evening.. I remember.. I was returning home late about 9:00 in the night in the bus.. The lights were off and I had the last row's seat.

    I was sitting in between two men.. I in purpose removed my jacket to let them have a view of my round tits though my pink see through shirt.. I feel asleep on the way.
    I woke up to my breast being be both those men while my pants zip laid open.. I pretended to sleep.
    I've often had a fetish to be manhandled in public.
    Next thing I knew they pulled down my pants and started digging their fingers insude.. A woman beside watching all of this got aroused too but had a troublesome child.. She put the child beside me and urged him to suck me dry uders.
    By now the men knew I was willingy giving myself to them.. As I pretended to sleep.. The bus conductor himself came in the darkness and fingered my c**t while licking my nipples.
    I couldn't hold any longer.. I opened my eyes and Started kissing all middle aged 3 men.


    Tonight as I write this.. Imma about to tell ya what happened earlier..
    I drank to a extent and got wasted.
    I watched porn amf got horny.. As an Indian.. I do have strict parents.

    I lay naked in my bed for a minute or two.. I'm tomboyish.. So I have a lot of tools at my bedside..
    I picked up a hammer and started fucking my wet c**t.. To increase pleasure I tied my nioples with elastic bands then clips them with clothes pegs... Real tights clothes pegs
    For a second I could've scream.. Coz the pain was so intense..
    I also clipped my clit with a clothes peg and now I wanted more.
    So I pushed several 1 rupee coins into my vagina.. Almost 26.. It felt heavy.. Blood was pouring.. Must have hurt myself accidentally.. But I was too horny to care and then sealed it with adhesive.

    I have a puppy at home. I now lay in bed with my puppy sucking on my enlarged nipples still having elastic bands wrapped around them.

    2
    # 52890 - by Bitchy / August 10, 2021
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Bi-Sexual Male / 43

    Internet Picture

    I was surfing some nude wives sites on Imagefap when I saw a woman I work with!
    She is very prim and proper at work, and I was staggered that this kind of image exists of her. She is a gorgeous brunette in her late thirty’s; The pictures are dated stamped twelve years ago; however, I’m hundred per cent certain they are her.

    I doubt she knows they are out on the internet, but how do I tell her?? Maybe this is her kink or some ass hole ex-boyfriend with a grudge has posted them? Who knows??

    I have been so turned on looking at the pictures and then speaking to her on Zoom calls. The pictures are graphic, including one where’s she on a bed with her legs wide open and another where she’s bent over in the doggy position with her cornish pasty shaped pussy hanging between her legs!! The best two are one where she has a cock in her mouth, and the ultimate one shows a cock buried in her pussy.

    Everybody is back in the office next week, and I’m looking forward to seeing her ‘in the flesh again’. It’s bizarre seeing these pictures; I’ve often wondered what she had going on beneath that business suit, and now I know!

    5
    # 52377 - by DarkEyes69 / July 16, 2021
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 47

    My Days As A Voyeur

    As a teenager my family moved to a new town. The company rented us a temporary house in the nice part of town. I got an upstairs bedroom that looked down on the pool next door. The very portly lady next door sunbathed naked, all those rolls getting sunburned. For a 15 year old, her very ample breasts triggered my imagination, kneeling on a bench, staring down on her naked, beating my meat, shooting and staining the wall under the window.

    2
    # 52213 - by Bret / July 6, 2021
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 44

    Caught My Son 19yo Fucking The Stay At Home Mom Next Door

    Because of lock down my son put off his first year of college. So he's been at home all year, take just a few online classes, but mostly helping out around the house. He's a great kid.

    My wife and I work in the medical field and still go to work everyday.

    Anyways I noticed about the same time every day the back door opens. I get a notification on my phone from the alarm system. So, I had a day off and didn't tell my son. Just wanted to see what he was up to.

    I park around the corner and wait to see if the door opens. Just like normal it opens so I walk up to the house. I can't find my son anywhere. He's not in the house or backyard.

    I peek over the fence and that's when I notice the backdoor of the neighbors house open and I can hear a woman moaning.

    Immediately it clicks. I walk around and sneak in through the gate and peek in the side window. There's my son pants down, with the stay at home mom up on the kitchen counter fucking her brains out.

    If it had been anyone other than my son, I would have watched for much longer. It was possibly the hottest thing I've ever seen.

    She was up on the counter spreading her legs for him, with her yoga pants and panties still around her leg. Still wearing her running shoes and sports bra. Not only that, but her dirty talk was incredible.

    "it's so big", "It feels so good inside me", "I'm going to cum again, don't stop" and the moaning was out of this world. Nothing fake, this women was having the best sex of her life.

    This mom is smoking fucking hot too. I see her out jogging in a sports bra and tight yoga pants ever day. He's 19 and I think she's in her early 30's.

    I haven't told my son or my wife and I don't plan to. I hate that she's married, but honestly that's not his fault. I'm kinda proud of him...

    1
    # 52166 - by Arlo / July 3, 2021
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 40

    So Much Cum!

    Yesterday afternoon, when my wife was done with her shower, she came into the living room in nothing but her silk kimono style robe, rose-bronze color with flowers, showing off her freshly shaven legs. She took my hand and led me to the bedroom and said "unwrap your little afternoon present?"

    Naked underneath. Such a g*ft. She sucked me for a while and I had a HARD time keeping from just erupting right there as it had been days since I had taken care of myself or let her do the honors. Every lick, stroke, nibble, really made it hard to hold back. At one point, she was lying on her back vibing it out while she licked my cock from the underneath and I thought several times "I'm about to drown this woman if I cum." Thankfully I didn't, we changed positions so she was vibing on her knees and I was deep fingering her g-spot. She came loud and hard and collapsed on the bed.

    She quickly slid back over to me and started sucking again, thankfully I'd calmed down a little bit while fingering her (I gotta concentrate), but I hardened back up pretty quick and after a few minutes she slid her pussy down on my cock and started to ride nice and slow - she was so tight.

    And it was great. For about two minutes when I could tell it was going to happen. I asked her "do you want all this cum?" She said "yes, give it all to me. Give me all that cum, pop for me." And the deepest orgasm I've had in awhile, the kind that you think you might die in the middle of as you try to white out for a second, was pulled out of me. All I could do was moan "wow" loud and long as she sucked my cock with her pussy, pulling all my seed into her.

    Then we started laughing together, it was about to get weird as we tried to figure out the dismount. We slid to the edge of the bed, she starts to lose her grip and ends up hopping off my lap and the biggest damn cumload I've ever seen from me glops on the floor (hard surface floors in our house). Looking at it, must have been six inches across, thick, white load.

    From the bathroom I hear "Jesus, dear, IT'S STILL COMING OUT! WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MUCH RIGHT NOW?"

    We had fun.

    0
    # 52007 - by Mr. Big Is Pleased / June 24, 2021
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 27

    Big Girls Blow Better

    My experiences with fat chicks are only ever blowjobs. If they want to receive oral or get pounded I just tell them "nah" and nut in their face. They always come back for more :)

    4
    # 51709 - by GimmyDemLips / June 5, 2021
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