This category is for confessing to things that are just plain 'ol "funny as fuck." If it won't make us piss ourselves with laughter, it simply doesn't belong here. Knock yourself out you funny shit..

I Snort Inside Pipe A Rocket Launched From For HUGE Orgasms

After each time a rocket launches, I IMMEDIATELY get my nose into the top end of the pipe it just launched and snort it up while masturbating to cum extremely hard. I sniff as rapidlly as possible for fun

  • Making An Old Guys Friday

    I in no way will share my wife Net. Short for Nanette. She is a tight little spinner with a nice rack and a bubble butt. At 5 foot 2, 130 lbs she carries her weight in all the right places. She is a few years older then I am but has the tits of an 18 year old. Had them recently done so her girls are nice and perky. I have noticed since having them done her nipples seem to be always semi hard. If you blow air on them they seem to wake up. So a graze or if I flat out pinch or grab her tits those girls stick out. She is a little on the sub side and has let me take pictures of her over the years. One year for Christmas I hung Christmas ornaments from her nipples and sent them to a few buddies. Didn’t show her face so they didn’t know who’s tits where in the picture. They thought it was a photo I had found on line. So our son was at a buddies house last Friday and was going to spent the night there. We knew this ahead of time and the wife and I decided to go out to happy hour my birthday was a few days ago and she had promised to take me out she wouldn’t a little tipsy and we could play. When tipsy she gets a little bit more relaxed. Again I won’t share her but I will show her off. This date day she had picked out a short skirt kind of thin and loose it was a black and when she sat down if her legs aren’t crossed her red panties that barely cover anything are exposed. I knew that when she got tipsy she would sit with her legs open and she would be showing off. Her pubic hair is cut in the shape of a hart. And it’s clearly visible with the little patch of material that is supposed to cover her privates. She had on a button down white blouse that was snug and with the top 4 buttons on undone it flared opened and her tits where almost exposed. We where sitting at the bar and after a few drinks and with her on the bar stool her legs casually opened slowly and finally wide open. I reached down a few times and give the kitten a rub which her body welcomed. She liked it and rewarded me with a nice kiss. We where siting at the end of the bar at a corner. I had her at the end up against the wall where I could easily group my wife. I was playing with her tits and had her tit at one point pretty much hanging out. It was easy to do with her blouse unbuttoned so low. I reached in and gave her nipple a pinch and gave her a kiss and told her I was going to take a leak. I decided to leave her tit out and wanted to see what would happen. I walked away and the old guy sitting next to me and the bartender quickly pounced and started chatting her up. I went took a leak came walking back and as I walked back she was sitting on her bar stool facing the old guy and the bartender had come around pretending to clear a table and was standing next to the old guy. The bartender had his phone and I’m sure he was either taking pictures or recording her as she sat there with her legs wide open and her tit hanging out. I took my time getting back to the seat. Nets legs where wide open and if they had the chance those guys would have mauled her. I came back the bartender picked up a few glasses and headed back to the other side of the bar. There was not to many people since it was till early. The old guy talked to me for a bit said that he didn’t mean any disrespect but wanted to tel me that I had a beautiful wife and was a lucky man. I told him not at all and yes I was a very lucky man because she could fuck like a porn star. I’m pretty sure he jizzed his pants when Net agreed and said that we needed to go because she needed to fuck. I left enough for the tab and tip and off we went. The old guy and the bartender just watched as her thick little ass wiggled her way out of the bar. I’m it going to lie we got in the car and I blasted my first load down her throat. She likes cum and cleaned up and ate what she spilled. This started out Friday night and I pretty much pounded her into the couch and our bed that evening and the next morning. When our son was dropped off he asked where mom was I told her she was resting and taking a nap. I went and checked in Net and she was sleeping when I slid my fingers in her pussy and proceeded to finger fuck her. She still had some cum oozing from the fuck we had right before our son came home. She had to cover her mouth because she is a little on the loud side. Man what a great fuck she is. Truly love this women.

    Twenty Years Ago At The Hyatt Downtown

    A one night stand. Hooking up with someone you don't know. Sex, you don't get to decide. For me it was a surprise, one I never expected to happen.

    I was staying at the downtown Hyatt in Houston. After eating in the coffee shop I went to the bar. I sat at the bar and ordered a beer. A girl came to sit beside me and started a conversation. She said she was in town on an interview. She was a bit forward, a little touchy. What was my room number, that's when I got nervous. She looked young, like 19 or 20, what kind of interview, being put up at the Hyatt.

    But I deflected, thought I was doing a good job. She was more forward, she kept looking at the bartender. A man walked in, sat on my other side, ordered a Manhattan. The girl asked me if I wanted to go to a table. The man put his hand on my thigh. She was upset that he was there, the bartender told him to move, let the girl do her job. The man leaned over, 'I can do better than she can, and I'm free' he said.

    With that he stood up and told me to follow him, he would give me a blowjob, and I could give him a blowjob. Much more fun than whore pussy. Why I went with him is something I still have not been able to answer. In my room he gave me a blowjob like he promised, then fed me his dick and I gave him a blowjob, he took his dick in his hand and finished by jacking off in my face.

    The rest was all new to me, and he had his way of doing it. I went along. He was full of life, he told me he liked me, a young man breaking boundaries. That's not all that was broken, I had heard all through college, once a cock sucker always a cock sucker.

    My watch and money and my credit card were missing in the morning. I never heard him leave. I'd been rolled, just like I'd been warned if you picked up a hooker.

  • It's An Embarrassing Story Now, Quite Funny Really

    We were at the beach. My girl cousin just turned 13, I was a mature 15. After her shower, she joined us in the main room taking a seat on a bar stool at the kitchen counter, facing the room. She was going commando, and her legs were open a bit. My mother slapped me, 'avert your eyes!' she yelled, not a word to my cousin.

    Neighbor's Pool Surprise.

    Last night, I was outback looking at the full moon and I could hear laughter coming from my neighbor's pool. I went over by the privacy fence and all the lights were out except for those at the bottom of the pool. I could see the neighbors cuddling up while standing in the water.

    I went upstairs for a better view, not the first time I've seen them playing around at night. When I got upstairs, the guy was sitting on the edge of the pool with his feet dangling in the water and my big boobed neighbor was stroking and sucking the guys hard cock. She's a real piece of work, petite, about 5'2" with big boobs.

    I kept watching as she worked on his cock with his hands behind her head moving it up and down. After a few minutes, she climbed out of the water and they stood there in an embrace. As they turned to go into the house two things caught my eye in the dim light. First the guy had a really big cock and secondly the guy was not the husband. Then I remembered he was away at National Guard for the weekend. LOL.

  • It's Not What You Think, Tv 'enhances' What You See

    I work as a technical support specialist for a national level network. My job is around anchors and reporters on camera. Some comments, the camera can do wonders. Without camera makeup, hair, clothing, earrings, glasses (not often) these women really look different. Some are small, some are frankly 'big' women. But through tv magic, they all look 'normal'.

    My point is simple, don't be fooled by what you see, if you woke up beside one at midnight, you might jump out of bed and hide in the closet.

    Talking about closet, that's where you might run into this one or that one.

    Cum Burp

    I just stumbled upon this site and love it, so I thought I'd contribute with a story that was funny to me.

    I started having sexual relationships with boyfriends in 8th grade, mostly oral as i didnt lose my virginity until about a year later. This story involves my 3rd boyfriend that I was sexual with, and it was the spring semester of 8th grade. He played baseball and I played softball, which led to a lot of days where our schedules aligned for some after school fun.

    The specific day of this story, we both had home games that started about 3 hours after school ended, and our fields were right next to each other. He lived walking distance from the high school, and the fields were at the school, so we walked to his place to cuddle and chat and maybe fool around, as we did most days that we could. I was being a bit of a tease, getting him hard and not doing anything about it, and of course he was begging for me to help him. I noticed the time and said I had to start getting my uniform on, so I did a bit of a striptease for him while getting out of my school clothes and into my softball uniform. I was topless, from changing into a sports bra, in a thong, and wearing my knee high black softball socks, when he finally convinced me that I gave him blue balls and he needed help so he wouldn't be uncomfortable during his game. I said "fine, but you better be quick". So, I got on my knees at the foot of his bed and gave him a blowjob. It probably took 5 minutes or less and he came in my mouth and I swallowed.

    While on me knees I said, "ok, now I need to get ready!". I quickly stood up and he jumped to his feet too, to give me a hug and a kiss. I must have had a gas bubble in my chest that let loose when I stood up too fast, and as he was pulling me in to kiss him, I couldn't hold back the burp from that gas bubble. I tried to push away from him, but he thought I was trying to be playful and he pulled me towards him forcefully. The burp came out as his tongue was going into my mouth, and unfortunately for him it was a bit or a juicy burp, and a dollop of his cum I just swallowed shot out of my throat and into my mouth, right onto his tongue. He immediately repulsed away and spit onto the floor. I literally keeled over in laughter, probably for 5-10 minutes straight. I laughed my ass off, almost completely naked on his bed, while he gagged and ran to brush his teeth. He didn't find it funny at all, but we did still have fun together until we broke up at the end of the summer that year. I still think it's one of the funniest things that's ever happened to me.

    KFC It's Toe Sucking Good

    Since the Subway Toenail Sandwich challenge has been done to death it's time to go barefoot in another restaurant this time KFC with it's slogan being Finger Licking Good well this time it's Toe Sucking Good.

    I would order my Chicken Sandwich from KFC and then take my shoe and socks off and walk into the restroom barefoot and put my bare feet in the toilets.

    I spice things up by exiting the restroom wearing a Chicken Tail Thong and a Chicken Mask as I start clucking out of the restroom and back to my table.

    I then climb on my table to do the Chicken Dance.

    After getting everyone's attention I then smel lmy feet in the restaurant and gross everyone out.

    Then I open up my chicken sandwich, [it my foot in my chicken sandwich and suck my toes.

    After that KFC Employees have me hauled out of the restaurant and Colonel Sanders has me blacklisted.

    KFC It's Toe Sucking Good.

    The Fat Girl Grows Up

    I am and always was a nondescript girl, a little overweight with broad hips and too big breasts, which I hid. I was always self conscious, even in the third and fourth grade. I had already developed budding breasts and pubic hair. I was a good student, I liked school, and I liked being the teacher's pet.

    In high school I gained a lot of weight, it just came on. I went to the doctors and got on diets but nothing worked. I graduated weighing 190 pounds on my five foot six frame. I had large breasts, I could hold them up with one hand and suck my own nipples. Although because of my weight I couldn't really see my slit, I could feel it and I found my clit, and anything and everything I found I stuck in my vagina to fuck myself.

    I went to a small college on a full ride scholarship. All Freshman had to live in the dorms. My roommate was also from a small town, a little withdrawn, but unlike me she was in good shape. She was long and tall and ran track in high school. One day when we were in the dorm room, the window open to let in a breeze, she took off her pants and panties and spread her legs wide leaning against the wall of her bed to air out her pussy. I sat on my bed staring at her pussy, while she stared at me.

    She said 'eat my pussy will you', And I slipped off my bed and buried my face in her pussy. She was already wet but she got a lot wetter. I will say I slurped around, swallowing her juice, licking her vagina hole, sucking on her clit. I was 'insatiable' , she tried shoving my head away, but gave in and I slurped every drop of her juice. When I finally ran out of desire I got up on her bed and kissed her mouth with tongue down her throat. I was too heavy for her to toss me off.

    It was not a one and done. I ate her pussy whenever I wanted to. I kissed her mouth when I wanted. I sat her down and showed her how I liked my clothes folded. I put a bite on her neck which turned bright purple before it subsided. One day she was back from the shower and I told her to bend over I wanted to see her hole and I licked her ass for her. I called her my bitch and insisted she be my girlfriend.

    I know now that she wasn't a total lesbian, she was one of those girls who would be a lesbian girlfriend if a strong willed woman wanted it that way. But one day she got fucked by a boy in her math class at his apartment. It didn't matter how angry I was. she let him fuck her over and over. He was as dominant on her as I had been, except he had the penis.

    I learned a lot during that year. Controlling my urges was very hard, I came onto girls suddenly and totally. Girls were easy prey, but not all of them wanted a girl eating them out. I really didn't understand how they could want a guy fucking them, but nature is nature and they went that way. But now and then I found a girl who wanted a strong willed woman and I had a couple of very good girlfriends before graduating from college.

    I went to work as an HR rep at a small company. No girls there, it was very male dominated. And one of the men liked big girls. I wasn't able to throw him off and he fucked me and didn't quit till he was done. He was wiry cuss, but a lot older, and he kept me in line and I was doing his laundry. He liked fucking on top, face to face. He ate pussy but liked having his dick sucked. I had to learn all about keeping a man from running around on me. And that included cooking. I bought and wore expensive underwear, lingerie. He liked that, nice bras holding my tits in. Nice panties around my big ass and now fully shaved pussy.

    I liked being his girlfriend, his woman. I looked at girls but I went home to him without touching. I started to loose weight, slowly at first then rapidly. Even the doctor was worried. But I lost fifty pounds without really trying. I had a Rubenesque physic, which he liked very much, especially my big breasts. And he couldn't get enough of fucking me. I kept my pussy fully shaved and clean for him, I went to a Thai woman for that. That way he would eat me, he never did when I was bushy.

    In all this I was only twenty five when he took me with him and we eloped with a justice of the peace in Beaumont Texas. He was forty. Skinny assed as he was, he liked having a big woman. I refused a trailer and so he agreed to build a small house on the property. It wasn't big, two bedrooms but had a nice kitchen and living area. Out there in the country he could chase his woman naked around the kitchen table. I liked giving up and throwing myself across the table for him to fuck me that way. I liked being fucked.

  • How I Really Met Your Mom

    My 12 year old has grown up and his mom and I can tell with all different questions. One in particular one evening when out of the blue he asked mom how did you and dad meet. She looked at me laughed and told him we met in High School.
    To be honest it’s true she was a freshman and I was a junior. You see my best friend who lives out a ranch in the middle of nowhere always had me over. He had an older sister who went away to school when we were freshman and never really came back. He had a counter sister that was a spitting image of his mom who was very easy on the eyes.
    I got my license when I turned 16 so I was over there all the time. It was going into our junior year and his younger sister Katie would be a freshman. Will got into weed. This dude would smoke out anytime he could making him pretty much a vegetable lol.
    His parents had split up and there dad bailed and moved away with the cleaning lady of all people. I remember his mom Bonner would always compliment me on how big I was getting. One morning when Will was still passed out I was up early and was going to go for a run. I was in a pair of swim trunks and shirtless. Bonner who was probably around 5 foot tall small boobs and a thick bottom told me that she had noticed I had been working out. She rubbed my chest and arms and to be honest it felt good. I let her pretty much feel me up for a while. As she gave me a run down her bathrobe had come open a bit. I figured if she was rubbing me down then i would return the favor. My hands were roaming her stomach and at one point I was playing with her nipples. I was rock hard and I needed to jack off or I was going to blow right there.
    We heard some noise and she quickly walked off and sat back down but not before grabbing at my cock. Katie had woken up and would have walked into is feeling each other up.
    I went and rubbed one out then hit the road for a run. When I got back I hoped in the pool and was drying up when both Bonner and Katie came out to swim with me. Katie was young and a flirt always teasing. Her mom made a comment about how small her bikini was. She looked good I told both girls individually that I liked what they were wearing. There I was playing grab ass with each one. Will was around noon had lunch then we hung out for a bit. We rode I to town so he could pick up some more weed. We got back late afternoon and Bonner was getting ready for a date. We were on our own for a while she said. Off she went leaving Will and Katie with me. Will quickly went out back and took a hit and was done for the evening.
    Katie was on the phone and asked me tot all to her friend Rachel. I take the phone and here is this girl who says hi. Asked me all kind of questions Yelle me Katie really likes me what do I think of her. I tell her that I would love to fuck her. I’m telling her while Katie is right next to me. As I’m talking on the phone with Rachel I start to rub Katie down. Rachel tells me that she is coming over tomorrow morning and we should all hangout. I tell her that we should and not really knowing what she looked like I tell her to where some sexy panties for me. She laughs and said that she would snag something from her mom. Mean time that evening while Will was in a daze I used his little sister as a personal fuck doll. Katie learned to give head. A little rough at first but caught on real quick. That evening I spent the majority of the night in Katie’s room. She gave me her virginity she told me this as we both laid in bed. I ended up taking her anal virginity which she. Said hurt a bit. I showered and came back into he room and she was out.
    I went and sat on the couch fell asleep and woke up as Bonner was back from her date. Bonner sat next to me and told me that her date was almost 60 years old and was a waste of a date. Before I knew it Bonner was riding me and we had finished what we started early that morning. That’s a totally different confession that I will spill when I have time. I woke up in Bonners bed rolled her over and fucked her ass.
    We got up I went for a run got back no weirdness between anyone. Katie went with Will and I to grab more weed and pick up Rachel. Blond hair blue eyes thick curvy figure. She did everything she promised that evening. Bonner out on a date again I had Katie and her bestie Rachel eat one another out while I pummeled there pussies. I did them both and the mom all throughout high school. The 2 girls where known to date me. After graduation Will ended up in rehab Katie moved for School and Rachel and i a few years down the road ended up getting married. Occasionally her and Kaite get together and we still have our fun. That has happened in a while. Neither know that Bonner and i fuck like teenagers. Last time was about 3 weeks ago