Adult Confessions

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This category is for confessing to things that are just plain 'ol "funny as fuck." If it won't make us piss ourselves with laughter, it simply doesn't belong here. Knock yourself out you funny shit..

- Funny As Fuck -
Straight Male / 30

White House With A Picket Fence

My neighbors Mike and Julie are cool people. Didn’t mine the parties when I first moved in eventually they came over. Mike works in insurance and Nat does some nursing works offs hours. Both are close to my age so we had a lot in common. Julie is a short thick women nice fake tits pretty face huge ass for her size. Brunette short hair to her shoulders. She is very quiet and shy and found out she is very submissive. One night at my place Mike was with a few buddies of mine getting loaded and i decided to keep Julie company. In the garage Mike was plastered having a good time while I was inside with Julie feeling her up. She let me feel on her ass and squeeze her tits giggling at first and after a few drinks not saying anything. I went to show her the house and before she knew it I had my tongue down her throat. I had her on my bed skirt hiked up cock almost in she said we shouldn’t do this belated into her kissed her and pushed in. She changed her mind and I dumped a load into her about 10 minutes later. I took her panties and told her that she needed to come back the next day day she could to get them. On Monday she came over and rung my door bell in a pair of jeans that made her ass stick out. I let her in walked her back to the room and had her peel her jeans off and I ate that ass before slamming into her. That was about 2 years ago and she had our first kid and is expecting number 2. The dates line up with our sexual encounters. Besides the fact that she tell me that Mike gets it once a month and I get it about a dozen times a month and that she had never been on birth control and had never had an issue. Wasn’t until she became my cum dump that she got pregnant. He is happy I’m happy she happy I’m gettin ass and screwing a milf that lactates is awesome can’t complain.

1
# 77612 - by Anonymous / March 17, 2025
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 53

    Fun With My Grandma

    When I was a kid, my little brother and I would spend time with Grandma when school was out for summer vacation. Granny was a young widow and lived out in the country and had a home with a pool. We loved it there.

    Grandma would occasionally have a few drinks after dinner and after she hurt her back, she would take a pain med before bedtime. My brother and I found out that the combination of booze and meds made her zonk out for the night.

    We used to sneak out of Grandma's bed and roam around the house. We'd often watch HBO late at night hoping to see some tits and ass. I was 13 at the time and puberty was really kicking in and I had already discovered masturbation.

    One particular night after watching HBO, we slipped back into bed with Grandma. After my brother fell asleep, I began to gently massage Grandma's big boobs and pull out my hard cock and press it against her thigh. She would moan or shift her weight around, but never woke up.

    I wound up laying there slowly stroking my cock while playing with Grandma's body. I had my first wet cum that summer. Neither my brother nor my Grandma knew. Although she did sometimes complain about having to wash the sheets so often...LOL.

    2
    # 77609 - by Charlie / March 17, 2025
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Female / 31

    My Husband The Punisher

    When we were dating I gave my now husband the nickname "Punisher". We are very open and sexually adventurous. Oh, and just for your info, he is very well endowed. VERY!
    One day we were in the mall. He pulled me into the stairwell. He pushed me face down on the steps, pulled my skirt up and with just some spit he shove 9 inches up my asshole! He wasn't gentle and was just reaming my ass. At first I was screaming in pain until I got used to it. I don't know how we didn't get caught with the noise I made. He confessed to me later that he meant to make me scream and the thought of us getting caught turned him on.
    Thats when I started calling him the "Punisher". We have done similar things many times since. One night we were in the back row of a movie theatre with like 6 other people in the whole place. He took out his cock and made me suck it hard. He moved me over into his lap and made me sit on his cock. It was amazing until his evil side came out. He lifted me off his soaking wet cock and lowered me back down taking it up my ass. I don't know how but I managed not to scream. He loved knowing I took it like a champ.

    1
    # 77537 - by Wife / March 14, 2025
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 25

    She Is So In Love

    I have been seeing this 42 year old married mom of 2. Met her at a coffee place on a random weekend morning. I found her sexy as she was in a running outfit nice legs slender fake blond nice boobs very pretty. We got to talking she spilled her guts that she is kind of lonely and that she doesn’t do much besides exercise. I asked her for her phone number she thought about it and ended up giving it up. Literally it took 3 separate meet ups coffee and the gym and I got her to come back to my place. She was very nervous the first time we were together. I calmed her down by going down on her have her plenty of oral and an orgasm. After that she climbed on me and proceeded to ride me to another orgasm. She was a really good fuck and after a few months she tossed the I love you saying over and over. She about creamed her pants when on I finally said it back. After telling her she gave up her rear and was pretty much down for anything. I work a weird schedule but for the most part I have a lunch around 11. She started picking me up for lunch and giving me nooners. Oh and she would bring me lunch. For the last few months she picks me up. Ring me lunch blows and rides me in a little over an hour. Right before she cums I tell her how much I’m in love with her and it’s like a turbo button. She just grinds away makes me cum then licks my balls and cock clean i mean she locks everything off. Even if it was up her ass. We are planning a weekend getaway and I think of she get caught I’m going to tell her to stay with me. It’s kind of like a personal real life fuck doll. I’m just amazed how she takes it up the ass with ease. Her mouth and pussy feel nice and tight her mouth is warm and welcoming. I’m not sure I can ever give her up. We have talked what would happen and she has a spare key to my place. I though about sending the husband a picture or text message from a burner phone with a short clip of his precious wife getting dicked down. I may do that and see what happens.

    7
    # 77307 - by Anonymous / March 3, 2025
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 29

    First GF, Small Dick And Cuck

    A few years ago I started dating a young girl. I was her first boyfriend. She was a truly virgin. I always had a huge desire for her, but there was a problem: my cock is small, truly small. Since we had to see each other in secret most of the time, we didn't have a place to explore our relationship and get to the penetration. In fact, I was always afraid of getting to penetration because of my small dick. I always played with her pussy but I didn't let her touch my dick out of embarrassment.

    She was very naughty, we played in public places like emergency stairs and she always got very wet. I even asked her what her desires were and she said she felt like having sex with two people one day. We dated for about 3 years and, believe it or not, we never got to penetration. I took advantage of her body during oral sex but I only let her touch my dick a few times, most close to the end of our relation. Not even a blowjob. We tried penetration once but because I was nervous about getting caught I couldn't continue.

    At the time she was already a hottie, everyone wanted her. Skinny, white, dark hair, delicious breasts, a angel face but deep down a real slut. We broke up and I couldn't fuck her. My biggest regret. If you could see how wet she got just from kissing...
    To this day I have a huge desire for her and after I found out she started dating again I started masturbating myself imagining her having a real big dick fucking her, doing everything she couldn't do in the 3 years we were together, ridiculing the fact that she dated a guy for all that time without even having fucked her.

    Every time I see a photo of her in a party or with some guy I already start to jerk a lot. How I wish to get her again only to tell her I need to see she fucking big guys.

    I really enjoy this kind of thinking about be cuck and getting humiliated about this story.

    1
    # 77259 - by Tributeb2020 / March 1, 2025
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 29

    That Time Of The Month

    We joke and call it "that time of the month". I am in an unusual relationship. My girlfriend isn't quite a girl. A M2F trans. Her name is Carlie. She is very fem and attractive, most would say passable.
    I treat Carlie as female although we both know the difference, Carlie is on a hormone regiment to maintain her feminine features. Even with the hormones she still occasionally has those male urges. Oh, I forgot to mention, Carlie is north of 8 inches in the cock department!
    Shortly after we got together she consulted her doctor and he loaded her up with meds that could give moses a stiffy!
    About once a month she gets in that mood and pops a couple of them. I spend a couple of days playing on the bottom half of the team. Carlie definitely makes the most of those couple of days. I am usually very sore and tired when she finally gets her fill. But its worth it!

    0
    # 77210 - by Me / February 27, 2025
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 23

    We All Knew

    At the club last weekend, drinking and dancing, on the hunt. At some point, the bar tender told us that Pete was getting hustled for drinks. I look towards the back hallway leading to the bathrooms, and there’s Petey and some big blonde making out. He’s grabbing ass, grinding when the bartender wrote on a napkin, “ that’s a guy!”. Fucking Pete was making out with a tranny! Now look, I don’t care who or what you think you are, but let whoever you are hooking up with know.
    Sunday, Pete wouldn’t come over or answer texts. I’m guessing when he found out or sobered up he’s now embarrassed or swinging both ways!

    3
    # 77161 - by RJ / February 26, 2025
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Female / 42

    He Never Knew What It Felt Like Until Now

    Last Saturday night my son had a few friends over for a card party. I was checking out this one guy. Built like a wrestler and I'm thinking yeah, I could. I had a chance to ask about his age. He replied he just turned 19. Gave him a special message I sat down next to him and gave his dick a rub down though his pants. He knew I wanted his dick. About an hour later the party was winding down. I asked him you want some mommy. He replied oh yeah. So off to my bedroom. Few minutes later I was looking at tonight's catch. We ended up fucking twice. I was worn out and I'm glad he was too. Next morning I woke up beforehand. Gave him a few good morning kisses. He finally woke up. He was surprised to see me. He asked had we fucked last night. Oh yes. I asked him you enjoy it. Didn't tell him but last night he confessed that I was his first without a condom. Didn't realize how great pussy felt.

    0
    # 76951 - by Charlene / February 17, 2025
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Female / 26

    Jayamali234 And The Poop Lube

    The first time me and chaspendelton I had a poop accident and he kept going anyway!

    0
    # 76944 - by Jayamali234 / February 17, 2025
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 29

    Consistency Is Paying Off

    I have a group of friends that we all hang out 3 are married. I met this guy through mutual friends and hung out with him a few times. We had some thing in common eventually we went out one time and he brought his wife Mandy. Very cute brunette thin has nice fake tits and a little bubble but. Not a very tall girl petty and petite very quiet. The bar was crowded and we were close to each other talking. As we spoke I’m not sure why but my hand found its way to her but. She had on jeans and the way we were standing my hand was able to grasp on to her bubble butt. I squeezed and squeezed rubbed and only had moved when her husband came over to her. At that point we were back to back. He walked away and she turned to face me and we chatted some more. We ended up at a husband had a little get together. We eventually found each other again and this time it was obvious when I walked up behind her and gave her ass a smack and did not move my hand. We were in the kitchen talking and she said that her husband would not be happy with me if he saw us. Now she is not moving my hands and I’m giving a hard squeeze. I rubbed her ass some more then casually run my hand up her side and on to her tit. All she said was oh my i can’t believe you are squeezing my tit. Every one had walked out back and some where in the game room we where alone in the kitchen. I slid my hand into her blouse and under the bra and proceeded to squeeze her nipple. That was the trigger I pulled and squeezed and she made little noises I put her hand down my pants and she held my cock for a quick moment. We heard people and we separated and then came back around. All night we played grab ass. We swapped numbers and we text a few times and I kept asking her over and over to meet me at a bar she was nervous we naught be seen I told her I’d meet her at her work at lunch. She worked retail so she agreed she had no choice since I could and did just casually stop in to the store she worked at. She flirted a bit she took her break which was a half hour and we sat in my car and talked. She talked while I felt her up again and finally got her to lick my dick. She took a few kicks and a few sucks and she promised to finish what she started. She got off work that Saturday at 4 and she kept her promise and came over. We made out and I sucked her nipples while she jacked me off. She kept her promise and sucked my cock. I kept on her and kept on her and she would not fuck. It took a few weeks and finally as she was blowing me and she had let me finger her I told her that I wanted to suck her tits. She climbed on me went to sit sideways but I told her to straddle me instead and as she put her leg over my lap my dick had precum I grabbed her hips and pulled her straight down onto my cock. She was tight and a loud air gasp I went in hard and she sat there on my cock I took her tit into my mouth and paid extra attention to her nipples. I know she liked nipple play from fondling her previously she did not ride me she just was grinding her hips and was making little moaning noise. I felt her try to pull it out and as she pulled away I went up and slammed into me and got a rhythm going. I heard what could have sound led like a no but took at as a OH OH after a few punishes caved and stared to ride me. I talked to her the whole time telling her how special this was for me really laying it thick that she may be the one. This worked because soon after whispering this in her ear she took control and rode me like a horse. I made sure to blast inside her. Held on to her and told her that I loved her and needed to finish needed her. She said she thought she loved me to and couldn’t believe what she had done. Again I talked her up telling her that we made the right decision and there was no way we could stop. She ended up cleaning me up and I ended up cleaning her up which she found super hot. I spent special attention to her little rose bud. She said she had never had any lick her ass. I stuck my tongue as deep as it would let me go in. We have been stretching her ass as she would like to try anal. Il post that updates when it happen.

    3
    # 76943 - by Anonymous / February 17, 2025
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