This category is for confessing to things that are just plain 'ol "funny as fuck." If it won't make us piss ourselves with laughter, it simply doesn't belong here. Knock yourself out you funny shit..

Low Sperm Counts

So, yeah... apparently the human race is on the edge of extinction because of falling sperm counts. Seriously, look it up.

They started falling about 1974, and based on the current decline, the sperm count is expected to be zero about 2045.

Guess what THAT means!!!

All these whiny, 20 year old l******s who think we're the devil incarnate right now... your future daughters are going to grow up and be begging guys like me to fuck them so they can have kids!!!

  • Food Fuck Fight

    Mature cougar looking for a young man about 18-39 for sexy night fuck meat sessions in a park . I can't eat any food at home without making a pig muk of myself.
    I would love to pour passionfruit butter all over him and fuck his balls off.

    Colleague's Homemade Wife Sex Videos

    My colleague one day asked to come to his flat and fix his computer. After

    fixing the problem he showed me his collection of porn and also his nude wife's

    photos and asked whether I want to have sex with her. Though I laughed he just

    removed his pants and shorts and started to masturbate. As I was watching his

    nude wife I too had an erection in my pants and my colleague just caught hold

    of may hand and told to stroke his cock. I just complied and we were both nude

    and sucking each other. He then told me he has some videos also of his wife

    and he having sex and played a self made sex video. Seeing his wife in action

    I could not control myself and watching his cock fucking his wife's pussy and

    my cock in his mouth came immediately. I sucked his cock and he came all over

    my face. I asked him to give a copy of his sex video which he denied and told

    whenever I want to see come to his suite. I still fuck my hand thinking of his

    wife's pussy and dreaming that one day he will allow me to fuck her.

    I Was Sex Trafficked And Twit Parent Needs To Stop Sooking

    twitter weak asses.

    I am so sick of these modern young pity seeking weak parents who are from spoiled up homes and they have kids who they allow get online unsupervised and then don’t seem to think they are just as responsible by not allowing their kid that access to something so dangerous. Its a bit like giving a kid a loaded gun or drive a car. why didn’t they put tech people to put adult blocks on pages so they are not allowed on websites the parents consider not good for their child. They want pity only. They cry so bitter and weak but don’t seem to know how to be a parent to their own child. It doesn’t excuse the person violating anyone underage but seriously do you really think your child won’t stray? so who really is to blame here. because heaps of kids get on sites they have no right being on that are taken as a adult site. Children should have their own facebook or blocks so adults can’t contract them. They should not be allowed to go on reddit type sites. They should have limited access to youtube type sites. You won’t hear anyone howel so low and sickly and ugly as a young whore mother today. I don’t have sympathy for them. I am a woman and I have been online stalked by men, women and even children and reported them. I am just not feeling sorry for these parents. I am not a p**o and I don’t think its right but parents are so dumb and want too much pity and if I can’t get any for being r**ed or abused why should they just with a shit bit of adult material seen. why didn’t the parents assume that their kid might hop on a dirty site. what kid wouldn’t? I never had the internet when I was little. I didn’t seen porn til I was at least well into my 30s online. I seen a porn mag once when I was about 24 and I knew a dirty old man who had shown me porn as a child but I wasn’t that interested in it really at the time and it made me afraid and I was about 7 then. I never told my parents so you don’t think these kids won’t tell so. Parents only have themselves to blame. parents are lazy, selfish, stupid and weak and wimpy and pity sympathy seeking all the time. they are so unvalidated as a human without that pity and I am so sick of it. I never got pity so why should they. I was r**ed. so they don’t know real suffering. Yes it is wrong what happened to their kid but they are the dumb bums. all they do is whore around having sprong bogging times but what about thinking ahead and being proactive to forseable events of what might happen. do you let your kids walk into a brothel? so don’t let your kids on the net alone. are you that gutlessly weak and mentally simple in your brains? I don’t go on twitter much and only got an old account I haven’t seen for years and I know heaps of sites that say “don’t put up sexual or crime content” like facebook but its there still and kids are friending and looking and no one does a thing. why? tumblr and other sites have sexual jokes and adult content and kids still on there. so go cry yourself a wet nappy little girl momma who will never grow up. the only stand you need to take is with your own child and yourself honeytrap. grow up weak water witch!

    First Time

    I was 12 and smooth bodied, just beginning to get wisps of pubes, just peach fuzz and a few dark hairs mixed in. The rest of my body other than my head was smooth and my butt was round. I helped a guy in our neighborhood around the house and yard a lot. Things progressed and when at his house he'd give me a little wine, and we'd hang around naked a lot. Showing me porn pictures and videos, during a BJ scene he sucked on my cock. He used his finger(s) in my butt. I loved it, but pulled back saying I was going to pee. He said no that it was my "baby juice" my sperm. To just relax and enjoy it happening. I shot into his mouth and he must have swallowed it. After I recouped he placed my hand on his cock, it got really long and hard, nothing I'd not seen before. In his bedroom he told me to suck him like he sucked me, giving me pointers when he came and to swallow it all very quickly. Within about 10 minutes I got my first load of cum in my mouth. Later he was playing with my ass, fingering it and sucking me again. Before I left he laid me down, fingering fucking me then spread lotion on my butt crack and put his cock between my cheeks and fucked me on the outside till he shot all over my back. I cleaned up and left.

    The next day I got fucked. I let a man in his early 30s fuck me. I got sucked again after and promised never to tell anyone that we get naked and have good times together. After a couple of months he was fucking me missionary putting lipstick on my lips and on my nipples to make them the size he liked. He sucked my nipples and kissed me while he fucked me. I gave him BJ's all the time, got fucked all the time and I usually jacked off while getting fucked but sometimes he rewarded me with his mouth and very rarely he let my little one inside his ass too. I really liked that.

    This went on until I was 17, I started dating a girl, she had hair on her pussy, nice big tits, a beautiful ass and was a natural blonde. I took her cherry, in her butt and her pussy, she'd give 2 guys BJ's before me. I never went back to that guy again, but lately I do think about it.

  • My Beard Is A Sex Weapon

    I confessed that my beard causes instant wetness When used in a sexually threatening way .

    Wrong Revenge

    Two years ago I was badly beaten up by two guys who mistook me for someone else.
    I even knew the guy they were after. Someone who'd fucked one of their wives.
    Pissed off, I recovered and vowed to myself i'd get them back.
    Just before the first lockdown, I met the wife of the guy who'd cheated on her husband.
    After chatting her up, I took her back to mine and fucked her all evening. The sex was so good between us, she called round the next evening and we had sex until well after midnight.
    Pleased as punch with myself, I went away on a short city break in Prague with a mate.
    When we got back, I heard there'd been a huge fight in my local pub.
    The guy who's wife I'd originally supposed to have fucked, was put in hospital by the man who he should have gone after in the first place.
    Still with me.
    I'd gotten totally mixed up when I chatted up the guys wife, who I genuinely thought was the wife of one of he men who beat me up.
    She was in fact the wife of the man who they'd originally wanted to batter.
    He'd found out she'd been fucking someone, and thought it was the husband of the woman he'd fucked.
    They'd met in the pub and all hell was let loose.
    He got arrested for putting his adversary in hospital, and was remanded. Eventually the charges were dropped as no one would press any, not even the pub landlord who's pub was smashed up a bit.
    Now the cruncher.
    Summer in between lockdowns, I've moved to a new place because of work commitments. I'm busy, but after a couple of weeks in my new place I meet a beautiful looking woman, who's moved into a small flat not far from where I live.
    We'd both been out jogging and she was walking past me. We turn to check each other out and I get cheeky asking her if she'd like to have a drink.
    The restrictions are difficult in pubs etc, so she invites me to call round that night.
    We end up in bed and I'm literally mid stroke up her pussy from behind when her phone rings.
    She moves forward telling me she has to take the call. I'm knelt up with my cock bobbing up and down as she speaks to a guy.
    The conversation lasts only a minute, then she turns round smiling. Not saying anything at first, she sucks my cock into her mouth and takes her time to give me oral sex.
    We fuck, changing positions a few times. Then she asks me to fuck her arse. We're in the spoons position when I cum up her rear hole. Its been a fantastic fuck, but it gets better.
    As we lay next to each other, she tells me the man on the phone is now officially her ex husband. He'd got in from his mothers, to find he had an email confirming their decree absolute.
    When she tells me his name, I can't believe it. Its the older guy who along with his friend had beaten me up. He'd married a younger woman and I'd just fucked her on their divorce day.
    I didn't tell her who I was in relation to her ex, not until she asked to move in with me.
    We live together now and have an amazing relationship and have even spoken about marriage and kids.
    Not what I expected when I was beaten up.

    Who Do You Think You Are?

    I read a story where the Original Poster (OP) wrote a story and posted a reference to a link to a picture. I don't know whether the picture is the person or someone that looks like the poster. Regardless, to anyone asking for pics, maybe don't ruin the mood by criticizing the poster for their picture. If you don't like a story, vote WTF. Go ahead and do it 20 times to this story if you'd like - I just want you to read this once so you get the message.

    Here's what I said in my comment to the story:

    OP - ignore the last poster and keep posting stories. I post here and people asked for my wife's picture. I use a picture of an actress who I think looks close enough, so I'd like to assume you did the same. At least you were honest and posted someone who didn't look like Selena Gomez or Taylor Swift - thanks for that, keep it real! Now I can picture a real looking woman when I read your stories, and go back to the picture when I need a refresher.

    Easy to be a critic when you're anonymous, plus you have nothing to lose if the OP posts a real picture that gets picked up by someone...or found by family or friends. Who would like to post a real story with real pics and give us a real web address (that isn't littered with viruses) to check out? Maybe a phone number and map coordinates, too?

    Sunbathing Fiasco

    During the summer of my tenth grade my cousin and I took our beach towels, climbed on the roof of the garage to sunbathe. We were on the side not facing the street. We went topless. By the time we went back in the damage was done, second degree burns on our neck, front of our shoulders, and our boobs.

    In addition to the embarrassment, we had to be examined by a dermatologist and spend several days braless, which kept us under house arrest. And the pain.

    Wine And Molly

    My wife and her sister molly popped a pill and drank a bottle of wine in the hot tub my wife sister molly begged me to fuck her and my wife agreed if she could watch