Adult Confessions

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This category is for confessing to things that are just plain 'ol "funny as fuck." If it won't make us piss ourselves with laughter, it simply doesn't belong here. Knock yourself out you funny shit..

- Funny As Fuck -
Straight Male / 28

Accidently Blackmailed A Woman Into Letting Me Fuck Her

I'm 28, recently divorced in live in a very nice upper class neighborhood. I kept finding condoms in the woods behind my fence so I started to keep an eye out. One night I see some lights so I sneak out to see what's up.

I hear muffled voices and as I get closer I hear a womans voice say, "I love having you inside me" and a guys voice says something about it being bigger, but he was whispering so I couldn't tell. Next the woman is moaning and says "don't stop, deeper baby, deeper".

I can see them fucking through a crack in the fence but it's dark and can't really make anything out. After a few mintues of the sexiest damn moaning I've ever heard the the woman orgasm and a second latter the man lets out a loud grunt.

The talk and whisper to themselves while making out afterwards and then the guys goes off deeper into the woods. The woman however, comes up in between my house on the house next to me.

That's when I realized it was my neighbor. This fucking hot as hell milf in her late 30s. Short with brown hair, small breast, but a big ass. I've been in fucking love with her ass ever since I saw her wearing some cheeky bikini at the neighborhood pool.

I open the gate as she's walking by and say, "can't wait to see your husband tomorrow". She freezes for a second then turns on me. She charged through my gate and grabbed my shirt with both hands. She was shaking with either anger or fear not sure which.

She starts to threaten me but immediately changes tactics and starts crying and begging me not to say anything. I stop her pretty quickly and let he know I was only joking and that her secret was safe with me.

I'm assuming what happened next was out of gratitude, but she turns around and says "make it fast I need to get back" while doing the sexy wiggle thing women do to pull their pants down.

Next thing I know her big perfect naked ass is facing me and she's putting her hands on my fence bending over for me. I take a second to squeeze this ass that I've dreamed about, but she starts telling me to hurry the fuck up.

So in record time I drop my pants, slide it inside her wet pussy and fuck her in less than 2 minutes. Unfortunately she didn't moan for me like she did the other guy, but unlike him I got to cum inside her pussy.

When I finished she wasted no time pulling her pants up and rushing back to her home.

I do plan to keep an eye on the back door, and see when she goes out again. I hope I get to fuck her with the other guy. I love the idea of two men fucking this hot house wife in the woods while her husband is asleep only a few feet away.

1
# 59303 - by Josh / July 1, 2022
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 40

    Turkish Japanese College Station Tx

    I met a turkish girl at a club called Tremmrors at the time. I had no idea she was turkish she was hot sitting alone we caught each others eyes then she had an accent I thot british pale skin thin body nice figure. We danced. Soon I was fucking her as shed come to my place but I had 3 other girlfriends Austin San Antonio Dallas. We spent alot of time together and found out her parents were very wealthy paying for her school in College Station. She had 25k in her bank account she naievly showed me asking was thag enough money she needed to buy a car? She did. She paid for all our outings and entertainment and I would try to pay but after awhile I just sd fuck it let her pay thats what she wants and it was just natural after awhile lol. She had me drop her off at school an introduced me to a few of hee college friends and a very hot silky jet black hair all natural beauty very little makeup juicy good friend of hers that stuck out was from Japan her name was Masako Tanaka im not sure the spelling anymore?? My girl was named Mybi not sure how u spell hers eether.. Pronounced like My bee.
    She was fr Istanbul. My lord Masaku was so fukin beautiful I couldnt stop taking a look of her when I could and not be obvious bit man I wanted to fuk her rite then and there in front of everyone in a fantasy world! So ok Mybi winds up snooping in my room as we washed my clothes at a laundermat and I was getting the last load fr the car. I came back and she was quiet not her happy self I had to ask several times whats wrong? I knew she must hv found something since she never had much time alone ever in my place but I wasnt sure what she found? So she pulls out a letter my other sidekick wrote and she was livid!
    I tried to console her explain but on the 2nd attempt she started screaming veeerrrry loud! She stormed out the apt and I let her be as I didnt want anyone thinking I was beating the bitch calling the police she was so irrate! I never saw her again she never answered my calls and I just let it be fuk it I was pretty bored of her sex afterwhile but the free entertainment days were over and she was a good girl but I wasnt looking for commitment to any woman but of course I had to play them like I did naturally. I wound up over a little time shaving my mustache. I never had in my life at the time. Little did I know I started getting tons more play and attention everywhere I went I started having 3 to 5 girls in several cities within the ones I mentioned! I couldnt figire it out at 1st but I was amazed how much shaving a mustache made a differance in my pussy action or I would hv did it way sooner.

    One nite soon after this change I go to the same club which was always happening in its small city and I wind up bumping in to the Japanes flower Masaku! To my astonishmemt she had no idea who I was we only seen each other 2x and in my head I was like oh hell its im shaven now! Thank god because we hit it off at 1st site and were dancing immediatly and we were dirty dancing you could call it then. Asking where I was from me playing dumb asking her about herself too.
    We were in a relationship by the end of the week and man I was fucking her every second we had as soon as she gave it up to me. All my friends were like wow where how did u get her shes so cute shes so hot I want a Japanese girl too. Masaku was petite but nice juicy tits lips ass and her trademark silky black hair and she was alwYs clinging to me in public or even in the car as I drove which no girl ever did which I liked about her and my buds would be jelouse about it to Man ur so lucky I wish my girl my wife did this to me in public I was like I know right? She wanted to take me to see her family in Japan soon she was really crazy about me. Luckily she never brought Mybi around and maybe even stopped talking to her during our time and I surley never went near there school. Im thinking Masaku dropped everything for me like as soon as school time was done she made her freetime about me??? I dont know exactly how I got lucky of her mayne not even mentioning me to her and back that time no cell phones for selfies it was all still film cameras.

    I had a nice beautiful mexican girl fr Lancaster Tx I met at a club in Dallas and we started arguing about my time away and we broke up and it was a major sexual loss cuz she was hot too but a temper and so with my peace with my Japanese flower I didnt let losing her sting too much and me and Masaku were having great company and learning one another and my other flings were ok with my reasons I gave them for time away.
    One conversation shes astonished to learn I love cheesecake and a frozen one. Well she makes me a cheesecake beings it to my place for a movie nite together cuddling in and shes liking all the movies in my library shes seen so far with our weeks together. Im not committed to her but privetly I am thinking of maybe putting more loyalty or becoming more serious to her but I really dont wanna lose my sexual pieces at the same time but I am at least thinking what I would never do for any girl. Were watching a movie Carlitos Way Al Pacino. Im already halfway thru my cheesecake and its awesome and shes delited and were cuddled into the movie and theres knocking at the door...

    I get up look thru the peephole and oh fuk its Lancaster Tx!! of course I stall Masakus like who is it the knocks keep knocking I hv no choice but to answer. I aske what r u d h? She says my friend and her boyfriend who lives here too I caught a ride to surprise you, Who is this bitch? Who are you? kinda situation starts flaring up. I try to tell Lancaster to leave shes not having it wants to fight Masaku, Masaku cries yells at me to never call her again and storms out! I couldnt go after her like I wanted to leave my place to be destroyed. I calmed lancaster down and with some smooth talking I was giiving lancaster the doggystyle she needed and I had her for the night taking her back to lancaster a day or two later.

    I called Masaku she would never answer calls. I met her outside her place once and never saw her again sadly. She was humiliated she said and could never forgive me basically and she ment it there was no 2nd 3rd 3th 5th chance I got from all American women. I honestl mean 5 chances I could get before a girl finally sd fuk you forgood.

    I hav learned that with Mybi and Masaku foreigners possibly leave the 1st time they dont play. haha

    Today if I could go back Id cut all the girls for Masaku Tanaka college school friend with Mybi or maybe eventaully Mybi would have ended us who knows? Ive googled her in early days of net but afew names that werent her.. Today thers hundreds and Im sure shes married with grandkids by now.
    Awesome hot ride I guess oh well

    2
    # 59144 - by Slick / June 23, 2022
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Female / 31

    Lights Flickering As We Orgasmed

    the lights started to flicker and our bodies shook as we climaxed and just before you could say "BANG" , the ghost exploded the lights as we orgasmed. That ghost is one slippery dick.

    1
    # 59126 - by Obsessed sexual ghost / June 21, 2022
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Lesbian Female / 29

    Pandemic Tossed Salad

    As I note in the profile, I'm lesbian and 29. I also have a one year old and so does she. We met at work in a never been happier, can't keep your hands off each other love affair. She was married to her husband of five years, an unhappy marriage I might add. The pandemic came, I got laid off, my roommate at the time left to go back to her parents and I had to move. My lover took me in on the condition that I could stay there for a while till I found a place to live.

    We all know what happened, the lockdowns, the no job situation, living with my lover a step away from the sofa, a man with two women stuck in a small apartment, he took me as payment for rent, he took her out of spite when he found out we were lovers. "Fuck you both" and he did. And he moved out.

    But the fucking had been done and he left us both pregnant (full disclosure he only moved out for two weeks and was back at home where he belonged). We had our babies in February of 2021 and moved in with his mother because we needed the space and someone had to teach us how to take care of babies.

    We all live in this three bedroom house, We live on top of each other, my lover and me in one room in a full size bed, and he gets the couch or if he is really nice he can sleep on the edge of the bed, our babies sleep in the little bedroom which is really a small den and Grandma sleeps in her room. The couple situation is mamas sleep together.

    He got a job at the plant so he makes decent money, Grandma takes care of the babies and we have jobs in town so we can ride together. We are happy, in love, and I can tell you that once you pull the covers off and just let go and your in love in front of Grandma it is so much better. He's stuck, his point of view, because he has two babies that he has to support and has to help Grandma with the bills for the two ladies. It's OK really, don't get me wrong, he doesn't go without, he's never blue balled, and his friends at the plant are jealous. Who knows what he tells them.

    0
    # 59077 - by Melinda, not Gates / June 20, 2022
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 32

    Party Cowboy

    I took inspiration from Jackass's Party Boy and one time went inside Walmart wearing Cowboy Hat, Track shirt, Track Pants, and Boots and went over to the Stereos to play Cotton Eye Joe on the stereo.

    I took my shirt and pants off in the store and took a stuffed horse on a stick toy and galloped around Walmart wearing a Cowboy Hat, Vest, Assless Chaps, a Thong, and Cowboy Boots.

    I went over to some blonde woman and rode my horse with her in Walmart before Walmart Employees yelled at me to get the Hell out of the store.

    I decided to take my talents elsewhere so after putting my shirt and pants back on I went to a Gas Station and saw a woman in front of me so I played Cotton Eyed Joe on my iPod and turned up the volume, took off my shirt and pants, went up to her and rode my horse with her.

    Gas Station Workers pulled me off of her and pushed me out the door and I told them my Lawyer will hear about this before putting my clothes on and galloping to my next destination.

    I went to a Chinese Restaurant and saw a small Chinese Lady so I played Cotton Eyed Joe and then I took my shirt and pants off in the restaurant and rode the horse with her until she got off and some Chinaman chased me out of the restaurant with a Katana.

    I made my way to a Country Music Club and when Cotton Eyed Joe played and I took my shirt and pants off and I did my Cowboy Dance in front of a hot blonde and rode the horse with her only for some asshole to hit me in the head with a guitar and staff dragged me out of the club.

    No one knows how to party like Party Cowboy.

    4
    # 58980 - by Cowboy Chad / June 15, 2022
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 41

    Nurse Legit Removed Gown To See My Penis

    I had to go in for a heart scan. The nurse was young and kinda attractive. Not a pretty face, but in her scrubs that body of hers looked great. When I went into the room with her she made an off hand comment about how "a young good looking guy like myself had nothing to worry about".

    This struck me as a bit odd, but she went on to say most of the people getting heart scans are in their 60s. I just told her I had a bad family history and my doctor wanted me to have one just in case.

    Anyways, I went behind a curtain and undressed into one of the hospital gowns she had asked me to leave the opening facing the front because she needed to attach sensors to my chest. So I go and lay on the scanner table and she opens the gown all the way.

    I knew immediately that this was uncalled for, but I didn't say anything. As I lay there completely naked she takes her time attaching the sensors to my chest and I know she kept glancing down at my penis.

    When she finished attaching the sensors she covered my penis up with the gown and did the test. Afterwards, she opened the gown again to remove the sensors. This was once again unnecessary as the gown wasn't even touching the sensors.

    She covered me up again and helped me off the table. She stood so close as I got down I knew she wanted me to make a move. For a very brief moment I considered grabbing her ass, but instead got dressed and headed out the door.

    All in all, I'm happy a girl in her 20's found me hot enough to risk her job to see my dick.

    3
    # 58861 - by Harold / June 6, 2022
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 46

    A Girl Tricked Me By Kissing Me.

    When I was in high school a girl (I won't mention her name) came up to me and offered me gummy bears. I said no but she insisted I have some. So I put one in my mouth then she kissed me on my face. She walked away laughing and I had lipstick on my face. I don't know if it was wrong of her to do that or not but it felt good.

    0
    # 58791 - by Anonymous / June 2, 2022
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Bi-Sexual Female / 28

    Sorry Not Sorry?

    Does anyone ever come here just to read other peoples disgusting confessions and masturbate?

    I literally plug myself and charge my wand when I cum here. Maybe I need to get a life.

    5
    # 58660 - by Pathetic / May 25, 2022
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Bi-Sexual Male / 24

    I Did My Party Trick And Got Kicked Out And Banned From Walmart

    After sharing my last post about my Party Trick I thought about what would happen if I did it inside of a Walmart after seeing the People of Walmart site I thought I could do it.

    So first I went to find a Speedo to change into inside the Fitting Rooms and walked out of the fitting rooms and in Walmart wearing a Speedo as an employee had a shocked expression on her face seeing me come out wearing a speedo.

    Then I started spinning on the floor and spun on my head and did a head spin dance wearing a speedo in Walmart as shoppers gathered around to watch and laugh at me as Walmart Employees told me to stop and leave the store.

    After spinning myself Dizzy Walmart Employees and Security made me take odd the Speedo put my clothes I came in wearing and escorted me out of the store.

    I don't think I'm allowed back at my local Walmart for entertaining the store with my Party Trick.

    Well onto the next one.

    0
    # 58288 - by Chad / May 7, 2022
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Female / 43

    My Nervous Worry Over The Underworld

    bowel pain and farting as a woman is seen as taboo. its not womanly but we all know everyone farts. but since having my illness and on meds. I need to fart a lot. it will just be so painful. I heard age can do it. but its making sex options feel like I will be left out. I mean nothing as good as letting out a great big painful fart , other then great sex and huge orgasm, of course.

    my vagina and all the topics you don't want to talk about to be honest.

    I know I am a dirty old fart seen as that by all.

    1
    # 58115 - by Fart2fart / April 29, 2022
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