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I Realized Something 4 Years Ago

Four years ago i was 23. I was in therapy with a psychoanalyst and one day he asked me the question if i ever got touched sexually as a child.

I don't really remember what we were talking about but he knew i had and still have a huge sense of shame and guilt around sex and men.

When he asked me that question suddenly a memory popped in my mind.

I was 7-8 years old and i remember my father and i were in the bathroom. I was probably peeing.

I was completely naked (as a child i used to take off all my clothes when i was peeing) and he was touching my vagina. We were both laughing and i remember i really liked the sensation.

If i remember correctly i was asking him to do it again but i'm not sure. I didn't feel embarrassed by this, i felt embarrassed when my mother yelled at my father for being with me in the bathroom. I didn't understand why because inside my innocent mind we didn't do anything wrong.

I don't remember how many times that happened.

Another memory popped in my mind it was when i was 5 i think, maybe not 5 but i was little.
I had enter in the bathroom without a warning and i saw my father naked.
I saw his penis and i touched it, i think he might let me touch it for a while.

When i was 11 i used to take my father's phone to play some games and in the pictures he had sexual pictures of women and sexual acts between men and women. I used to watch these pictures a lot. It was pictures from magazines or television i think.

At my 7-8 i saw he had a porn movie in his drawer but i didn't watch it because i got embarrassed.

When i was 13 we were talking with my female friend about penises. She already knew how a penis looks and feels like because she had sex for the first time.
I didn't even kiss a boy back then but i knew how a penis looks and feels like when you touch it.

I knew from that memory when i was 5 but i lied to her when she asked how i knew. I said i watched porn and learnt it from there.

I don't know if these experiences are completely valid and i don't know if there is a point in talking about these experiences.

Last year i discussed my memory when i was 8 but that psychologist said better to not think about it and maybe i misunderstood my father and he probably wanted to clean me when i was peeing.
But i remember he had bare hands when he was touching me.

I was masturbating since 5 year old and remember i put my dolls having sex each other and i was masturbating near them.

I was playing with my dolls that a stranger man m****red the mother of a girl in front of her and r**ed the girl in front of her mother's corpse.
The girl was enjoying the r**e and felt freedom.

I was 7 or 8 when i played with my dolls.

I feel embarrassed to talk again about this topic to a therapist. I feel like i expose my father. That maybe his intention wasn't bad and maybe these experiences don't have an impact on me.

And if they do i think it's not that bad.

I have some thoughts about little boys and enjoying watching realistic hentai children with children and adults like i said in previous confessions and i like sexual relationship between a father and his underage daughter.
I am not sure if these experiences are responsible for these thoughts.

I think something that completely impact me was when my parents yelled at me and hit me when they saw me masturbating,

Four years ago when i realized this thing i found the courage (and i really don't know how i did it) to tell my parents but they didn't remember anything. They didn't remember that they hit me when they saw me masturbating either.

I start to think that maybe these memories weren't real or if they were real they are not bad.

I'm embarrassed thinking about these because i still live with my parents. It's weird to think that your father did something like this to you and i'm anxious to be feminine in front of him.

I don't know.

  • Dirtyroulette Addiction

    I have a new addiction. When I can’t get out to cross dress and hook up I’m dressing at home and getting guys off on Dirtyroulette. Watching these guys from all over the world stroking to me playing with myself in lingerie and stockings gets me off like a rocket. I know only certain guys are into me and that’s ok. Everyone has a preference. But for those who want to enjoy me it is so fun. Middle aged Married white guys from rural America seem to enjoy me the most. Hearing them tell me what they want to do to me and seeing them shoot their loads for me is incredible. Making them beg to see me cum is euphoric. I try to wear different outfits to change it up but the guys that want to really play want to see me in panties and stockings.
    Wonder if anyone from here is also there since here is where I learned about it.

    She Heard Wrong

    I met this chick at a bar, she asks me what I do, I say waiter, she hears writer. We fuck all night. She wants to read some of my writings, I have none. She finally realizes, waiter. End of the relationship.

  • Insurance

    The basement of our house flooded back in 2016 and the insurance adjuster refused the claim as we were away on holidays when it happened. My husband and I were totally discouraged as the damage was substantial. We spent 45 minutes on the phone discussing the damage with the representative and we didn't really go anywhere.

    A few days later, I took the day off work and made an appointment with the adjuster to come to the house and inspect the damages. He was a fairly good looking guy and I ended up sucking his cock.

    Turned out the insurance had a change of heart and our basement was all fixed. I never told my husband.

    Asian Ass

    I met this guy online this summer and he would invite me over his condo downtown mostly late at night for a late night fuck session. He is asian, a bit older then me and probably weights 125lbs - he has this amazing small round girly ass - he is always horny ass hell - I'm 6'2" and fairly thick & hung and I love to stretch his hole and make him squirm. He is such a sub - he love to suck on my toes, my balls and lick my crack - I often slap his little ass red. I would make him drink every drop of my cum and the little bitch would suck me for more.

    The problem is that when I went back to school this semester, to my surprise, he is my Macro-Economics teacher.

  • My Mother And I Have The Same Man

    Caught up in a vortex of prohibited love. My mother found this boyfriend, the boyfriend found me, my mother and I both had babies by him. We all live in the same house, and he has sex with both of us, not at the same time but if we are in the same room he will still have sex with one of us. My mother never met a man like him, for me he is the first and only man. I am going to start college next fall, at least that is the plan. I am not going away, there is a small college in my hometown. I won't fit in with the other freshmen, first because I have a baby and second because I won't date, I'm taken.

    Pee Incidents On A Bus

    I had a mixed experience of peeing in the minibus. There is a fortunate part and unfortunate part of the story. Firstly, I was drinking a lot of water as it was a hot weather. So, in the middle of the highway the pee pressure was getting hard to handle. So, I emptied the plastic bottle by drinking the remaining water. Then I pulled out my cock through the zipper and put it through the bottle mouth. Then I peed. However for some reason, my cock got hard and it was stuck to the mouth. I could not pull it out and I panicked. My cousin noticed it an began to laugh. I tried to keep it down and he was having trouble holding his laugh. I tried thinking about weird things to make it soft. But each time I tried to pull it out it would get hard again. It took me a few minutes to get myself soft and I could pull it out. My cousin teased me for a month for this.

    It Is Possible To Have Fetish With Children Without Being A Pedophile?

    I know i'm not.

    But the thoughts and fantasies of me pleasuring a little boy and be desired by a little boy turns me on.

    These thoughts come and goes. Sometimes i don't have them. Sometimes i have fantasies with dominant men who r**e innocent pre-teenage girls, teenage girls and young adult women.

    Sometimes i have fantasies with teenager girls and young adult women who accept the purpose of their life to satisfy men's sexual desires.

    Now it's a period that these thoughts of little boys came again in my mind. I turn on to see in realistic hentai little girls get pleasured by men or little boys get pleasured by women. I did a similar post yesterday about hentai.

    Little boys and girls having an orgasm and feel the pleasure of sex seem arousing to me. I get wet with sex stories when someone was a child and had pleasurable sex (not harm, i don't like when a child gets hurt by a sexual experience physically or psychologically).

    And i know people is going to hate me for this but i start to think maybe not all children get hurt by sex. Maybe some children actually enjoy it.

    It's not their fault, they didn't ask for it, the adult is the pervert here not them, but they might feel good when someone touch softly their sensitive genitals.

    If anyone thought that this is my excuse for actually go and touch a little boy i won't. Honest i won't

    I know these fantasies are something that i should keep it inside me but i like to share them to the people who don't know me.

    And i don't really want to stop having these thoughts and i don't want to stop watching realistic hentai pictures and videos of little boys and girls getting pleasured by adults or other children.
    A psychologist told me to stop immediately but i won't because i don't want to.

    Even if i don't always get turn on by these fantasies or stuff ,i like them.

    And as long as i'm not a danger for any little boy, i like to enjoy these fantasies and pleasure myself.

    Total Enjoyment

    I am always looking for new excitement and a while ago I found playing with my nipples gave a new sensation, and the feeling is very sensual and I don't have to pull my dick out to feel good!

    As being one of the married no more sex with the wife situations, I started playing with other men with the same problem, we have all found how exciting it was having sex again with another person and one who actually enjoys it!

    I was over with a new friend for the 3rd time he was blowing me - then he got some lube an fingered me at the same time, I never had any ass play till then. He moved around and next thing I knew he got out a dildo and put my legs over my head and continued to suck and fuck me... while he was doing that, and I was now enjoying being fucked I started playing with my nips - by the time I was ready to cum, I have never felt as sexual as I did, with sensations in 3 areas of enjoyment... When I told him I was going to cum, he made sure he was down on my cock, I blew in his mouth and he kept going as I was having sex spasms - it was the best ever!

    Can't wait till return the favour...

  • Embarrassing Bum Tales Tails

    I hate public toilets and the germs my ass skin is prone to getting and its like try to explain it to health risk people that the spread of germs is serious now. butt acne from public toilets is shameful and embarrassing to me.

    how can I have good sex with that. why me god. I just wanted to know , while I am quietly asking.