Conflicting Fantasy

This has been on my mind recently and I needed to find somewhere to talk about this so here it is. So truthfully I don't get along with most of my family and I am pretty estranged from a lot of them which is honestly fine by me. I don't really align with them politically and we all have essentially nothing in common but the relationship isn't really hostile outside of a lot of pent up frustration from past situations.
Well to be honest about a week ago I had seen a photo of one of my cousins, he is quite a bit older then me. Wife, Kids, Military, whole nine yards sort of thing and because of his job hes taken to working out quite a bit. I would be lying if I said he wasn't physically attractive, especially for a man over10 years older then me. A lot of feelings about some of the not so nice experiences I have had with his side of the family sort of rushed in along with truthfully horniness and all I could think about was pushing his head between my legs and having him go to town on my clit. The thought of hate fucking him was so hot I was dripping wet and I honestly came a few different times to the thought of riding his dick and him sucking on my tits. Now I feel like I have sort of developed a fetish for these fantasies. I don't know if I would ever act on them, considering I don't ever see a time where I could outside of some of the family I do see often but overall I get along with most of them but the thought still drives me crazy Has anyone else ever wanted to hate-fuck a family member?