Closeted Lesbian First Cousin Mating

I'm 30, a closet lesbian. In high school I had a girlfriend, we were caught in bed by her mother. She was sent to a convent in Mexico for reconfirmation. She jumped off the roof. I lost the one person I loved deeply.

I responded with my older cousin. He comforted me, but it was sexual. He took me in, and I've been his house partner. We aren't married because we are cousins. During COVID I got pregnant and we have a soon to be four girl.

I only have sex with him, my girlfriend is a dear memory, I want to believe she has given me permission. Her parents are my enemies, they blame me, so I have a restraining order visiting her grave. Her father is a big time lawyer.

I want to get married, be a real wife, my daughter not considered illegitimate. I don't think of myself as lesbian most of the time, but I know that's pretending. I am a lesbian. Like an alcoholic, even if you aren't drinking, you are still an alcoholic. My cousin considers me his wife, and considers himself my husband. We have the same last name, so nobody's the wiser.

Having turned 30, plainly a woman, I'm considering another child. Russian roulette again, first cousin mating.

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