Raised From Birth To Have Children, I Have Five Of My Own, And His Two

I knew one thing when I was growing up, I wasn't staying in the town I grew up with. Over time I knew of some girls who had made it out, not stayed to be bred like an animal. Some became sex workers in Red Deer, others joined the military. Some ran away with a traveling salesman. It didn't matter, just get out of there.

I had a friend, and she had a cousin in Oklahoma that had been left high and dry with two boys and needed a woman. He wasn't Mormon but I told her I could do that, I knew about housekeeping and taking care of kids, we were seven at home. And every good Mormon knows about sewing and dishes. We used another friend's phone to call him. She introduced me as a good Mormon girl looking for a husband, and if he had another wife that wouldn't bother me.

He sent me a ticket to fly down to meet him. I had to order a passport before I could go see him. I felt very young and alone when I got there, I had never been out of the country. His boys were nine and eleven, close to my brothers, his house was three bedrooms, not a problem to keep up with. I told him how Mormon girls are raised to manage money and I didn't care if he wasn't Mormon.

I got married to him before going back home to get my things, that fit in two suitcases. I moved into his house. When I got there he told me he would give me time to adapt to him before I moved into his bedroom. In the meantime the boys would bunk together.

After a year he was transferred to Texas. He told me that when we moved I was moving into the bedroom with him. The bed was cool, not warm, and I did my duty but didn't like it. The more he insisted on me doing my duty the less I liked it, but I became pregnant. All through the pregnancy he insisted on it. I gave in, I couldn't fight it, I didn't have any money, and was married. My friend from the safety of being on the farm told me that Mormon women always adapt, sometimes the husband is sixty and you adapt and have children. That's what I was there for. Remember if I stayed in my town I would be pregnant there too.

My life went on, I took care of the house and had another daughter soon after the first one. My husband liked seeing me pregnant and thought it made me attractive, like in calling him to have sex with me. Routine but not wanted I submitted to his needs and kept my nose clean. I reminded myself, I wasn't table dancing in Red Deer. I looked at myself often, after two children I definitely looked like a woman born to have children. My body cried out for me, get me pregnant!, get me pregnant! And I got pregnant. The more my body grew to make the babies, the more my body looked like my mother and all of my sisters, and the other Mormon women in our community.

I know that I was impatient and an upstart and that I abandoned my home and my family. I know that I married outside the faith. I know all these things will come back to haunt me. but I kept up my end of a being a Mormon girl. I made a household of children for this husband, and I didn't abandon him or my duties. I teach my girls the ways I was taught, but we got to a Baptist Church for religion. I will never not be Mormon. But I don't insist on it for the children.

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