Wait Until The Right Man Comes Around
I had a very hard time as a teen accepting the dominance a guy came with. At that time we didn't use the word toxic male. All I know is that a male, of any age, that wanted to control me was persona non grata. As a result I never had a boyfriend. My female family members talked to me and told me that like it or not that was life and I had better learn to put up with it, or I was going to die a very bitter and lonely old maid.
It happened, not by my design, not because I wanted it. All I can say is that it happened when I wasn't myself. It was a college thing, a party, some people having sex on the floor, girls giving head, and girls making out. I was arguing with a guy. Getting my point across. He stood and told me that what I needed was a good fucking to shut me up. He grabbed me by the hair and stood me up, and pulled me behind him to a room and kicked the couple out. Still by the hair he told me to drop my pants, he wasn't excited that I had a full bush. He told me next time he wanted a naked puss. I was put face down on the bed and he got on top and shoved himself right in me, and did his thing until he came. He told me to lay still and went and got a Sharpie out of his pants and signed his name on my ass.
That night I had to suck his dick. No option, no request. Did I want him to sign my forehead too. I had to open my shirt for him to get some tits. With a mouthful of his dick he held my nose and shoved himself down my throat. I gagged and vomited right up. I had to strip the bed and leave the sheets in a pile in the corner of the room. I was marched downstairs and kept within grabbing distance the whole time. He took me home with him, to his apartment to finish what he started that night. I counted three times he finished inside of me. By the time the morning sun was in my eyes and I was sober enough I was counting days and worried sick that he had gone and gotten me pregnant.
He never let up. He talked down to me, ordered me around, got sex at the drop of a hat, moved me in with him, I wasn't pregnant but that worried me too. How to tell him that he had shot blanks. I stopped taking care of myself, gave him sex and more sex and insisted on him cumming in me. I was wrecking ball wanting to get pregnant, because I wanted him to shoot straight. Of course I got pregnant, it wasn't his fault. I apologized for not having gotten pregnant at first.
MY MAN was a real MAN. He knocked me up. It was a badge of honor to tell my girlfriends, see that mother fucker got me pregnant. How about your man? Still shooting blanks? Today we say Trad Wife, well I was the Trad Girlfriend. Sucking his dick in the morning before making the bed. When I walked down the isle I was the blushing bride with a seven month baby bump to show off.
I confess that something in me snapped, and I have no idea what it was. If my husband picks up the table I feel bad. He helps but it is still my job. He takes the grandkids with him to play soccer and to swim. I like to go along to watch. When we get home I make the snacks and sit with the grandkids while he goes upstairs to watch his game on tv.
Some men make me mad, but mostly I just don't give a damn. I have a man, and that man is the man in my life. I don't feel he is toxic, he is assertive and in command. He snapped me, broke me like a cowboy brakes a wild mare. I still suck his dick and make the bed. A man needs to know who is his wife.
