This category is for confessing to things that are just plain 'ol "funny as fuck." If it won't make us piss ourselves with laughter, it simply doesn't belong here. Knock yourself out you funny shit..

My Coworker Is In Denial

My 25 year old coworker was telling a story about how his wife was g*fted a dildo at work. We tried telling him, if she didn't involve HR and she brought that home and added it to her sex toys then your wife might just be the office whore. He played it off like it was just an inappropriate joke. No man, pretty sure that level of joke involves some more serious situations beforehand. But hey, if he's too oblivious then that's on him I guess. She's hot, I'd try to fuck her if I worked with her.

  • I Was So Nervous

    My senior year in high school was so much fun. I turned 18 a short time after school started. We had an automotive class at the end of the year that we all took for an easy grade. It was a stoners class with a few of us just there to fuck around. Next door was the large building that had the drama class. There was always rumors that Mrs Hicks was a closet lesbian. Not sure how the rumor started but that was the rumor. She was in her mid 40s had auburn colored hair skinny waist and had a nice ass. For her age she was attractive and had a nice physique. Always in a pant suite or jeans that hugged her ass. She wasn’t the best looking instructor but it was what we had in don’t of us at the time. The other side of campus had the computer labs and science rooms and those instructors where just fresh out of college and a couple of then where drop dead gorgeous. But old lady Hicks was always poking in and chatting with our instructor. Looking back afterwards I never realized how big a flirt she was or is. As she was walking by us she said boys and one of my friends when she walked by made the comment what a waist of an ass damn can’t believe she’s a lezbo. She stopped and for some reason looked directly at me as if I had said it. She turned and walked out and I though I was good. When class was over I was packing up and my buddy had said that he was going to head to work after school and didn’t need a ride home. As i was walking out Old lady Hicks called my name and told me to step in the theater. She sat me down on one of the rows that faced the stage. It was kind of dark but a few lights on she sat me down and asked me what I made that comment. It was hurtful and for the next couple of minutes she scolded me. I kept telling myself I’m going to kill my buddy. She asked me why I thought I was a lesbian and if she was what difference would it make. I accidentally blurted out that it would be a waste because she was very attractive and her partner was very lucky. Male or female I told her I don’t care if you liked kissing girls I’d watch. I was so damn nervous that everything that was coming out of my mouth was in sexual nature. At one pint she stopped me and kind of looked around she asked me if I was attracted to her. I’m 18 I was attracted to anything with a pulse is what I wanted to say I just wanted to get out of there so I told her hello yes though she was beautiful. I mean for 42 she was a good piece of ass. The next 5 minutes was a blur before I knew it my pants are down I’m sitting facing the stage and old lady hicks is blowing me. I lasted like 3 minutes and blasted down her throat. Nice thing about being 18 is I stayed hard and ended up having her climb on me and rode me as if I was a rodeo horse. Best senior year ever and I helped in fall when they where getting ready for the spring play. I spent a many after school days and Saturday mornings emptying my balls into her. Every time she have close to cumming she would ask me if this lesbian was doing a good job. Or when we fucked she’d tell me to fuck the lesbian out of her. She was never a lesbian but I did find out she was bi. She had a few encounters when she was younger. About 2 years after graduating she ended up getting sick and had to stop working and retired early. She had a lot of problems and aged a lot. We had to stop and I believe she ended up moving out of state closer to her husband’s relatives. I often wonder if she had not gotten sick if we would still be fucking. No lie one of the best fucks of my young life. She knew what she was doing.

    Her Husband Should Be Proud Of Her

    I work in this office in a mid size town in Nor Cal. Im surrounded by women some young some old all very nice. In my department its me and another guy whose a bit older and married. There is a small very petite women in her early thirties with a kid and a husband. She sits next to me so I get to hear all her gossip and constant conversations and arguments with her husband. I know recently that he had been going out a lot and there son is I believe 9 and is over at grandmas all the time. Apparently this winner of a husband has been coming home late and very wasted. Triggering the arguments between the 2. Lorena is very slim maybe 5’1 on a good day small b cups an ice bubble butt. Her face is drop dead gorgeous very pretty nice full lips lots of makeup smells anything every morning I get a whiff of her perfume and imagine myself getting a bj firm those lips. I flirt with her she flirts back and we seem to push the issue. Have quietly asked her out but was shot down because she was married. I kept on as normal still flirting and making it a lot t to be there for her when they argue. Slowly she started to cave and letting me take her to lunch. Once we started to grab lunch actually leaving the facility not just sitting together I noticed a few things. One she started to dress a little more sexy shorter skirts tighter blouses and a few times no bra. Wasn’t sure if the panties where still being worn it was hard to tell until I got a great view as I walked back to my desk and she was sitting with legs spread eagle. I wanted to bury my tongue between those cheeks so bad. While at lunch that day I asked her to happy hour. She accepted and we hit the bar after work had a drink then we decided to go and talk in my car. Talking turned to kissing kissing turned to grunting and I hit that raw dog with a finger in her ass. Getting to finish in that beautiful mouth was amazing. Once we are done she does whisper to me I’m still married though and laughs. I’m hoping not for long doing my best to cum in her.

  • Bakery Havoc

    This started when I was 17 and we did it myself and Nicole my then GF. We met there at this moment and pop bakery. We did donuts cales and small sandwiches. There was an old guy my Bob that owned it and his wife would some times work there with us. On certain days he would come in early do what he needed then he would leave Nicole and I for a few hours. Nicole had a massive sex drive. She was not the most gorgeous woman ever but she was cute and had a nice body. She was slutty with a capital S. At that age she was perfect. When there was down time she would often want to mess around at times she would blow me jack me off or finger fuck her or flat out slam into her quickly. At times she would take a donut that just came out and place it on my cock and spin it around. It always had to have frosting on it so it left a ring of sugar at the base of my dick. Nicole would put the donut back and deep throat my cock and clean it up. Some times she would swallow it but most of the time she would spit it into the donut mix or frosting and stir it in. For lube she would have me put my finger in her ass or pussy then pull it out and put it back in the frosting and back into her orfice. We did this for over a year no one ever complained. We never got caught and I no way in hell ever go tot that bakery. Once I stopped working there I stopped seeing her. She was fun but crazy and I wonder what else she did while she worked there. She was a twisted fuck she all but shit in the glaze.

    Had A Drink With Them

    I say at the bar last night same bar that the women I’m currently seeing was having dinner at. Her idea she gets a thrill from this shit and I enjoy it as well. The poor schmuck who sat next to me and had a conversation as he waited for her to show. I met this one at a cross for class. Kathryn was a good looking brunette nice booty and a nice wrack. Her husband was taking her out for there anniversary. 5 years of marriage and her morning started out at cross fit then over to my place where I took my time ponding her into next week. I’m almost certain that she was still probably leaking form her pussy and ass. I was violent with the ass that I didn’t think she was going to be able to leave. She later a little hot piece of ass that Kirk’s it rough choking ass spanking real rough shit. I dig it and give it to her as long as she takes it. She showed up all dolled up probably with a little bring around her hips from my hands and fingers. She looked good and at one pin when he excused him self to the rest room I had her showed me her tits and had her beg me to fuck her in the morning to which I agreed. I showed her the video I had taken earlier of my big black snake buried deep in that once tight ass. Moans and oh fucks is all I heard. I went home happy and saw her again early this morning. Funny that her first comment to me was she could hardly feel him last night. He pumped maybe a dozen times and shot his load. She’s about to get destroyed and permanently placed into my bed or couch. Fuck I love these sluts

  • Little Guy Wanted To Wrestle As Well

    Some time ago while at my mom and dad’s anniversary bbq I took a chance and while swimming and playing around I slide a finger into my sister in law and fingered her in the pool. We had been at each other all day and with the booze and my brother and I not really getting along I took a chance while we where in the pool and began to vigorously finger fuck her to the point that she had to bite on to my shoulder to keep from being loud. It was late Kelly was in a 2 piece bikini. She is a little flat up top b cups but has a nice rear. She is no super model very chill walks around no makeup hardly ever dressed up. She is very submissive when I slid my finger into she begged me to stop until I hit the spot and then it was a heavy bite on my shoulder as she creamed herself in the pool on my hand. As she bit my shoulder she would also suck on it and would tell me wish it was your dick. That did it that night a few of us where staying the night and we made sure that we where in the pool
    House. We took my brother in there as he was sloshed and we started secret relationship I still dont have a great relationship with my brother. Oblivious I get along great with my sister in law. she’s a bit older then I am but over the years we have discovered and held nothing back. She knows all my kinks and I know hers. We are comfortable enough with each other that she has shown me first hand things she did as a teen with her pets. I found that extremely exciting and have encouraged her and helped her accomplish our goals. Il leave it at that and move on. She’s never worked really she works part time for me as an office aid. I took over for my dad when he semi retired big farm outfit. Part of the deal was my brother and his wife where to get a home on the property. He never wanted toget dirty so he does mortgage and finance stuff for a living. Works long hours but seems to enjoy what he does. It makes it easy for me to stop in during the day and slide into Kelly. They had kids or we did not sure whose kid it was didn’t really matter I guess it’s close. There 16 year old fucked around and got knocked up. The little guy she had is now 4 and still takes naps when he gets back from his pre k classes. I happened to be scheduled to stop in a round 2. Should have been down for a nap. Kelly had on shorts and a t shirt no bra no panties so in seconds she’s naked and on her knees. She gives great head so I’m enjoying myself she pops up and grabs my dick and leads me into the bedroom flops on all 4s on her bed. Kelly is always tanned and she leaves tan lines for me. I find them sexy and her tits and ass crack and pubic area are really white. The contrast between the tan and white makes it almost sleazy and I dig that. I’m behind her pumping away balls deep in her ass. She had me make her cum first with vaginal and once she cums the rest of the holes are game. I’m close to cumming she’s rubbing herself to a another O hearing her get into it doesn’t for me I let go balls deep in her ass 2 thick streams into her ass she is squirting all over us and we hear a voice that the little guy wants to wrestle also. I could see Kelly wanted to move but she was in the middle of recovering from her o. I pull out dribble on her back. It was all over the place I say ok buddy go to the bathroom and we will wrestle ok. He agreed Kelly is coming to and looks sexy as hell laying there I grab her a robe I out my jeans on and in walks in her grandson. I tell him are t you suppose to be napping. He said yes but heard us wrestling so he wanted to. Kelly by says she would wrestle after his nap and took him back in. He final fell asleep and I ended up fucking her again this time out by my truck in the orchard. It was sexy to see her almost completely naked except for boots. So I found a new kink

    Tempted By Rehab Patient

    I am admited in a rehab facility , I met an old age woman in her late 50s or early 60s .She played with my nipples and I masturbated and came ! And she took my shirt that I ejaculated on and look on my sperm and call my sperm slime lol.

    Last Night In Manhattan

    This is me piecing together last night from photos and phone numbers. All this happened and I'm recording it here for posterity.

    Went to a pub on the corner. Nice, mundane. Nothing happened just sipped my pint. Was (I think) a very nice mother daughter having dinner at L'Americain opposite.

    Walked and found a fantastic spot. Basement bar in a hotel I think, music popping and the place is full of baddies. The 25yo Sofia Vergara-esque stunner at the bar being entertained by Floyd Mayweather Sr. The table of models, all 5'10... Asian, black and a red head. Women so hot they could be Latina porn stars.

    Got talking to a knockout chick from Houston called Diamond. Vibing til she asks me 'my status'. Peters out fast when I tell her I'm married.

    The chicks here are incredible.

    Been a few hours and it's now drying out. Sometimes after midnight. As I'm leaving a woman with a body looking like it's been drawn by a 13yo boy. Face, tits, arse. She's sat with two guys and I get her number.

    Walking down Lex Ave (?) and I ask directions from what turns out to be an older Italian gent and his French trans gf. Go to the bar with them, has a basement bar which is fun. Stood at the bar get chatting to two Russian mills. Very good looking. Brunette with blue eyes and a blonde who looks bored but mildly competitive because I spoke to the brunette first.

    The Italian speaks no English and the French trans chick seems to like me. Feels like it could become a party.

    Another hot chick, gorgeous Latina who drove here. A comical 20mins as we try to enter her number in my phone. But enjoyed some kissing and staring at her beautiful tits.

    Trans and Italian want to leave. Tell them I know one place might still be open (a rooftop bar I went to previous night). Get in a cab. Trans is grabbing my dick and kissing me. Italian dude sat next to her watching. Ok this is different.

    Get to rooftop bar, it's closing. An amusing 20mins haggling with the bouncer to let us in. Mayweather Sr is outside this time with a knockout black woman. 'Ah i saw you in (basement bar). I omit the part about Sofia Vergara who he must have been paying for. I try to chat up the black girl in front of him but he gets pissed when I ask for her number. The host of the club - a young black guy - remembers me from yesterday. We get in - not on the roof but another club in the basement which I didn't know was there. Host has clocked off and likes me. We have shots.

    Text the latina from the previous bar to see if we eventually got a working phone number. 'Who's this?'. Ha, we just kissed half an hour ago. Talking to a blonde chick in this club, nice hips and arse. Young black host. Tall French trans chick. It's past 4am. This is a different night to normal. Blonde has a bf, dude in a cowboy hat. French trans wants to 'suck my dick' in her hotel. Young black host kisses me in a corner. We get a cab. He has a bf. Can't come back to mine either as my wife is there. Kiss in the cab.

    Home, wake up. Look at blurry photos. Look at phone list - New numbers from Russian, the porn star from first bar, the Latina - who can't remember me, the trans chick...

    Saturday night in NYC.

    Now He Is My Boyfriend

    I walked to my car, watching my phone, not where I was walking. I tripped over an object, a piece of construction material, twisted my ankle and fell on my ass, unladylike. The man walking towards me saw up my dress and saw I wasn't wearing panties. He smiled, and helped me up, but had to support me to my car. It was my right ankle, and I held my dress down so he wouldn't get another look at my nookie.

    I couldn't drive. And he knew it. He drove me to the Urgent care, who sent me to get an X-ray. With no panties, I was at a disadvantage, wherever I sat I had to hold my dress down, and the technicians, and my friendly driver, seeing nothing but my ankle. At the radiology, my X-ray ruled out a fracture, back to the doctor. But, I asked my friendly driver to stop at Target and run in and buy me some panties. What he brought me, on purpose, were young girl briefs in a six pack. Pick, purple, pink, orange?

    He stood guard, but my ankle made it impossible, so I had to ask him to get the panties past my ankle, with his eyes closed. He winked, the bastard. On the way to the doctor, presuming he had experience, I asked him how he rated my nookie. He felt, that some things like beauty, were best measured on what was on the inside.

    The doctor had a wheelchair for him to wheel me in, wearing the pink girl panties. The doctor, a man of experience, looked at the X-ray and bandaged my ankle, gave me some pain and an anti-inflammatory. My driver took me to the CVS, home to put me up, elevated. He said that the pink panties favored me. He heated water, got me a mug of tea.

    It was several weeks later, before I walked out with him limping but walking, those pink panties in his picket, he won them off me playing poker. I don't cover my nookie before him, I gave him a warm moist reception, in gratitude for looking after me. I sort of decided, on my own, not that he didn't tell me, that going commando at my age is a bit silly.

  • I Was Wrong

    I have been working as a bartender at a pretty popular chain. We at time work alone but on busy days we work as a team. The girl I work with most of the time Lana is a very cool good looking girl. She has curly hair has some arm tattoos not over bearing where there’s tons. She has a nice rack always showing them in tight shirts. We wear jeans and her jeans fit nice. She is into sports like golf football and baseball so there lots of shit in common. She always had a girl that would come in chat her up and they flirted. After a while she would leave with her. I just assumed she was lesbian. Nothing wrong with it just never thought my mind. Until one night when we went out after closing we went had some drinks one thing lead to another and she ended up blowing me in my car. It was awesome she gave some great head. That sloppy blow job was amazing. She cleaned up after and we ended up going back to my place where her mouth gave me round 2. Spent the night we fucked she looked amazing naked. Next day at work we played grab ass and like clock work back in my car with the amazing bj. We have been going at it for a few weeks now. She said that she did the girl from time to time. We have been trying anal but it’s obvious she has not ever had that so I’m eager to pop that cherry. Great way of finding out she is bi