I'm A Married Male Who Secretly Loves To Suck Cock
llo,
I'm a 33 year old married male who is very masculine and very much attracted to females. However, since I was around 19 years old I developed a strong attraction to penises; primarily large penises. Nothing else about a man’s face or body turned me on in the slightest, but the sight of another man’s long, thick, and vein bulging cock consumed me with a feeling of sexual desire so strong that I felt that I could behave in ways that would cause irreversible damage to my reputation.
This initially started off as something that would turn me on while watching porn videos of women sucking a guy’s cock. As time went on, my attraction to cocks became significantly stronger and my brain became involuntarily filled with deviant thoughts of me performing oral sex on a large, faceless cock that was aggressively shoved through a gas station gloryhole. At the time I was terrified of been watched by the individual who I was performing this intimate act on. I imagined that this individual would view me as a weak, pitiful individual who enjoyed being taken advantage of by men who were higher up on society’s food chain. How would I look this man in the eye if I were to run into him a week later in the supermarket? Would he tell others about these sexual acts that I performed on him, risking the possibility that my family members, friends, and co-workers would find out? I was too prideful at the time to even consider the possibility of me ever being able to fulfill this insatiable need of mine.
Initially, I was very bothered by this unspeakable desire of mine.I was viewed by society as an athletic, all-American man whose sexual desires and fantasies were assumed to consist solely of acts between a male and female. Because I was so ashamed, I actually went the next eight years of my life without giving in to my strengthening desire to feel the mysterious texture of another man’s well-endowed penis inside of my wanting mouth. Throughout these eight years I enviously watched countless porn videos of women, men, and transsexuals who, in my opinion, did not appear to appreciate just how fortunate they were to be able to engage in an act that certain other individuals obsess over, but do not get to experience.
I eventually started watching porn videos of straight males who were paid cash to sit back and let a gay male lustfully suck on his penis while the straight male grudgingly complies. The thought of being used as a cocksucker by a straight guy who just needed a mouth to get him off became an overwhelmingly powerful fantasy for me which I could no longer resist.I began searching Craigslist ads of men looking to have their cock sucked by a willing cocksucker. For whatever reason, the thought of being called a "cocksucker" by a man who would allow me to service his big masculine cock powerfully turned me on. I exchanged emails and photos with several men for over a year, but never met up with anyone due to my fear of following through. Once, I drove 40 minutes to a man's house who wanted me to come in, drop to my knees, and suck his cock in his bathroom without exchanging any words. I drove past his house several times, but eventually left without going inside as my fear overcame me yet again.
There were several things that I feared. For one, I feared that my desire to suck cock would no longer be present when faced with a real live cock in front of my face. I was also terrified at the thought that once I took a penis into my mouth I would forever be labeled a "cocksucker". I also feared running into this individual in the future while with a girlfriend, family member etc. Finally, I simply felt extremely embarrassed at the thought of this man looking down at me while I willingly took his manhood into my mouth. Would he think that I am a sissy? Less of a man? I thought to myself that any man who takes another man's penis into his mouth can surely not be considered a "real man."
As you probably predicted, nature eventually won the day when I was 27 years old. After a night of hard partying I decided to post an ad on Craigslist titled "Discreet and fit white cocksucker looking to service a well-hung masculine guy, no recip". I strangely got very turned on when referring to myself as a “cocksucker”. In my eyes, the self-deprecating term reduced my entire being down into a pathetic human being who enjoys taking the genitalia of other, more dominant alpha males into his mouth in order to satisfy their sexual needs. Over time I have graduated into not only turned on by the physicality of the alpha males large, masculine, vibrant cock, but was also turned on by the thought of submitting to this alpha male, as well as gracefully accepting that he views me as a lesser man; a submissive; a cocksucker.
The body of my post read that I am inexperienced and will likely be very nervous when meeting. I received a response shortly thereafter from a 38 year old African-American male with an average body and very large penis (9.5"). I immediately felt a wave of desire come over me as I touched my own cock while lustfully picturing myself down on my knees acknowledging his superiority and imagining how his cock would taste and feel in my mouth. He provided me with his address and asked that I come to his apartment that night. I'm not sure if it was the alcohol and substances in my system from partying that night that gave me the confidence to proceed, but I immediately ordered an Uber and threw on some clothes while thinking to myself that tonight would be the night that I would finally give in to my torturous hidden desire to feel another man’s cock in my mouth.
My emotions were mixed with lust and fear. Lust at the thought that years of me jealously watching porn videos of countless women, men, and transexuals who were fortunate enough to experience the feel of the meaty, blood-pulsing, screaming cocks of their partners inside their mouths would finally become a reality for me tonight. Paralyzing fear at the thought of me being submissively down on my knees worshipping this strangers large, powerful, masculine penis with a deceivingly lustful expression on my face which reveals the pleasure I feel while engaging in this submissive act.
My Uber ride arrived at his luxurious gated apartment community. I was let out at the bottom of the entrance and had to give my name to a security guard in order to enter. It was around 3:00 AM, and the female security guard gave me a look as if she knew what I was about to get myself into. I walked inside the building and arrived at his apartment door. My heart raced with fear as I knocked on the door. He greeted me at the door and invited me inside with a smile. He had a friendly personality and Immediately made me feel at ease. However, my embarrassment quickly returned when I remembered the drunken emails that I had sent him just a short while ago such as: “I literally need your cock. Can I please have it?” and I want you to use me as your on-call cock slut”. These emails were easy to write, but tougher to swallow now that the recipient is staring me in the eyes.
We had a drink in his kitchen and then sat down on his couch. I was intoxicated but still aware of what was going on. He confidently pulled his penis out which was already erect. I took a quick glance and shyly looked away. I got the feeling that he has engaged in several past hook ups and he expected me to be much more aggressive then I was being. He proceeded to shake his erect cock with his hand and in a cocky tone said to me “this is what you like, right?” I did not respond. I still felt too nsecure and embarrassed to admit the obvious: that I was extremely attracted to cock!” He instructed me to get down on my knees and in between his legs. This is the same position in porn videos that I loved to watch a cocksucker submit to and service a cock. I was now that submissive and I was inches away from taking a cock into my mouth and forever being brandished as a “cocksucker”. This was it. I had one last chance to tell him that I was nervous and that I did not want to ..(continue confession)
