I got married recently. I love my husband so much. He means the world to me. I've been in love with him since I was a kid. We've been together for a total of 4 years.
But... I recently found out that my ex boyfriend (that I was with for 6 years and am still wildly attracted to...and have ALSO been in love with since I was a kid) and his girlfriend split. I was happy about it because she kept him on an extremely short leash. She wouldn't let me talk to him at all, which really sucked because we are still very good friends, and were before we ever started dating. She also had a history of being physically abusive toward him, choking, hitting, etc., which really upset me. He and I have a connection that I have never had with anyone else. We were middle school and high school sweethearts. He was my first everything, beyond kissing. He got me drunk for the first time, and he got me high for the first time. We had a lot of firsts together. I've been magnetized to him ever since I met him 10 years ago, and I know it will never stop. Even between times we broke up, we were on a friends with benefits basis. We could not stay away from each other.
Yesterday night, he messaged me over Facebook to vent about his split. I comforted him as best I could, while silently celebrating their breakup. We talked. We kept talking. Talking turned into flirting, and before I knew it, we were dirty talking just like the good ol' days.
"God... my dick is so hard right now. And I'm at work."
"You're such a little slut. ;)" (He used to call me a dirty little slut during sex back when we were together and I LOOOOOVED it.)
My heart started racing. We started talking about how the idea of us never having sex again hurt to think about. I said, "Actually that very thing has been bothering me for a long time. I hate the thought of never getting to do anything of that nature with you again. To be honest, it really fucking KILLS me." He said, "Well, um... if you want to be even worse than we're being right now... I feel terrible saying this but... if you want this to happen one more time... I'm all for it. I'll tear you up. ;) " I can't say no to him. I can't. His eyes... ugh. His eyes. His touch.. his EVERYTHING. <3 I still have feelings for him, I'm still in love with him, and I know it's always going to be that way. He was my first love, and I never stopped loving him.
More dirty talk ensued. We talked out everything we wanted to do to each other.
"I can't wait to tear that pussy up again. It's been way too long."
We decided we needed to find a time to meet up and do the things we had described while we were making each other hot with sexy talk..
Oh. Tomorrow night?? Perfect.
This morning, I met him at his place.
We sat on the couch. I packed a bowl and gave it to him. He took a hit and said, "Come here." I leaned over to him and he blew the smoke into my mouth, and turned it into a kiss. He bit my lip and tugged gently. I slid my tongue in his mouth and we started making out like crazy. He pulled me to where I was straddled over him. He grabbed my ass and smacked it. "Mmm. Damn. I miss that ass." We made out more and more. He took my shirt and bra off. Heat and tension was building. I pulled away from him biting my lip to get one word out.
"Bed."
He picked me up my by ass, still straddling him, took me to his bedroom and threw me on the bed. He was instantly on top of me, grinning. His eyes were wild with passion that he'd held back just as long as I had. He took my pants and thong off and thew them to the side. We went down on each other, and before I knew it, he was inside of me. God, it felt so good. I'd been waiting for that feeling for over four years.
He fucked me in every way I wanted him to. Slow, fast, hard, doggy style, reverse cowgirl, sideways, him on top, me on top, everything. He bit my neck, smacked my ass, and talked dirty in my ear...
"Did you miss that cock?? Yeah?? Did you miss that cock??" He gave a hard thrust, looked right in my eyes and said, "Mmmm, 'cause I know it missed you."
We had... the feistiest fuck session ever.
And I had the most intense orgasm I've ever had.
There was a lot of lovemaking mixed in with the animalistic sex. It was beautiful. We cuddled afterward, and kissed/made out quite a bit. We went to the living room, got dressed, had another bowl, and hung out before I had to go take a dog for a walk. (I'm a dog walker. Awesome job.) But I decided I could come back and maybe we could have another round.
I went, walked the dog, and drove back, eagerly awaiting another feisty romp.
I came back in, and he was playing a video game. He smiled. "Hey."
I smiled back. "Hi."
"So... you're not gonna like this but... I was thinking, and I don't think we should do it again. I think maybe guilt is setting in, because I've got this kinda sickish feeling in my stomach right now, and I think it may be guilt. I don't want to ruin your marriage."
I understood. "Aww." I went and sat on the couch next to him. I cuddled up to him and said, "I could still use some of this, though." He put his arm around me and put his hand on my hip. "Yeah. Me too."
We talked for an hour, about a lot of things. His hand eventually wandered from my hip to my ass. I straddled him and said, "I can't help but want to do this. It's instinctual." He grinned, bit my lip and grabbed my ass. We made out some more, and he suddenly pounced me down to the other side of the couch. And of course, we made out and dry humped even more.
I lost track of time, and before I knew it, I had to go walk another dog. I got up and headed toward the door. He followed.
He said, "Be a good girl, m'kay?? You promise??"
I said, "Yeah, I'll try. I'll be good."
"Oh yeah??" he brought me back over to the couch, sat me down, and sat in front of me. "Well, what if I did something like this??" He pulled his dick out and I immediately started sucking. He chuckled. He stopped me before he could finish. "Go. You don't need to be late."
Ugh. SUCH a tease. I was already so ready for him again.
We made out and hugged for a long time. I looked up at him and said, "I know we said this would be the last time but... you and I both know we don't want it to be... plus... I don't think it'll hold up. I think you'll break down and want me to be bad again. You totally set us up for round two, you do realize that right??" He smiled. "We'll see."
I feel guilty that I don't feel any guilt. I should be kicking myself in the ass right now, but I'm not. I've always been a good girl, and this is the first time I've ever done anything like this. I still love my ex, and always will. But that doesn't mean I love my husband any less. I feel the same way about both of them. It's a very confusing thing. And... I know I'm terrible for saying this but... I definitely don't want today to be the last time I do anything with my ex. Hell, I'll say it. I don't want there to ever be a last time. I wish I could keep this up forever, but I know it's not right. Loving two men is ... a very beautiful confusion.
