Being Poor With A Child Makes You Consider The Alternative
After college I worked for the pregnancy assistance center in our town. It was not an abortion provider, quite the contrary, we encouraged every pregnancy. We worked with placement agencies for babies to be adopted and with the civic services dealing with foster parenting. A third of children were placed through private agencies. Of course, I had no experience, I had never been pregnant.
I met a girl at church who moved to our town for her job and we became friends and she told me that in her youth she had an abortion. Worst decision of her life and she still carried the scars from it. I asked her if she would speak to girls in our facility, a real life contribution to their questions.
My friend made friends easily and she invited me to go with her to a Fourth of July picnic at the house of a woman she had met at work. The place was palatial, with a large swimming pool and outdoor kitchen. The woman was in her mid forties married to a big name lawyer. I felt small and tiny, not worth of being in this house and these people. Shortly after the hot dogs and hamburgers some of the women started walking around topless. Some of the guys making rude observations, some of the guys asking me to show them my beauties. I wanted to leave but my friend was in the middle of fun and had gone topless herself.
The owner of the house invited me inside and asked me if I had a problem with nudity. I said no, but it wasn't for me. Here, she said, let me see and let me be the judge, you might find it's liberating to let your babies out in the open. She was topless herself, she had large woman breasts, she said that's what got her the house with all the trimmings. I'm a small woman, small frame and no body weight, she managed to pin me down and force my blouse open and she took me in her arms and started kissing and sucking on my boobies.
She kept repeating that she needed some pussy. Don't fight me girl, and she pulled my shorts off and ate me driving me into orgasm. Now see you like that, don't you? You like a woman eating your pussy. She spent another hour kissing me all over, and insisted on 'sitting' on my face. She told me she was one of those women, you know, a lesbian who got married for the money, And what she wanted more than anything was a nice girlfriend, one that had not been spoiled by a man and would make her happy.
I didn't want to be her girlfriend, and sex with her was very upsetting. But I met her when she told me to and I wore what she told me to and I let her to eat my pussy. After several months I was used to going over, we swam naked in the pool and I ate her pussy on the chaise lounge. Until one day before schools started she told me her husband had told her he wanted to spend a moment with me, give me a chance to choose, which was better.
He was rough, and he didn't waste any time trying to make me feel better. When he was done he told his wife that she had done good and she could keep me, I was too skinny. With that settled I was her girlfriend at home even when he was there, and he brought home a girlfriend. For three years I was her girlfriend, until one day she told me that the feelings were gone and I needed to find another Mama to support me.
I fell back on a man I knew from a long time ago, and he showed me how a man is supposed to treat a woman, and he promptly without warning got me pregnant. I was now 28 and I was in the place of so many of the women who came to the assistance center. What to do with a baby? At the center I was encouraged to be a model for the girls, keep the baby. At church I was encouraged to keep the baby. My friends encouraged me to keep the baby. But no one had an answer as to how I was going to support her.
Child support came with a whole list of duties. Strings attached, to him, so he could play me like a marionette. His older sister offered to take the baby, a private placement. But I could not give up my baby. Whatever the future held that was her world, her circumstance. That and his child support payments.
My choices as a social services worker, with a baby, were poor or poorer. He offered the only way out for my baby. A home, schools, everything. I remembered my days as the girlfriend of that woman, better to be married to a rich man than being a poor woman. That goes double if you are a lesbian. I got married.
