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I Really Do Spread For Old Men

So someone claimed to be OP on my original post and consequently it’s got loads of downvotes... but they weren’t OP! So. I’ve copied it here and answered one of the questions that was left...
I’m embarrassed about admitting this but I need to get it off my chest somewhere.
An ex boyfriend once arranged for a repulsive old man (40 years older than me) to fuck me. I almost backed out. I wasn’t at all keen, he was really old and really gross, and I was still in my late 20s... but the boyfriend encouraged it and told me to just lay back and spread my legs. So I did. This old man licked my pussy and I slowly relaxed. He gave me an incredible orgasm. My favourite part was him looking up with his face covered in my juices and commenting on the fact I had cum for him.
I felt instant shame and I was upset... but it kept coming in to my thoughts when I was masturbating.
Since then, I’ve actively sought out old men who I don’t find at all attractive and sent them explicit pictures and messages. There is one who I have been to see several times. He licks me and makes me cum so hard, and as soon as I do, I feel guilty, get quickly dressed, and leave. He tried to fuck me once but I told him he needed to use a condom and he couldn’t stay hard with it on.
That was a while ago but now all I can think about is spreading my legs for him and letting him fuck my unprotected pussy bareback. I crave the feeling of his cum inside me. Knowing he will try and kiss me and his old wet tongue will invade my mouth, he will paw at my breasts, and I will feel his fat old cock inside me and filling me with cum. I find it so sexy and I can’t stop touching myself thinking about it.
There are older men who I am attracted to. Usually around 20 years my senior. And I really enjoy their company and sex with them. But I still crave repulsive men and have a genuine need to give my body to them. I know I’m going to let this man fuck me bare as soon as he can.
Initially, it was just them giving me oral sex. In fact, the first time, I told him he could finish on my tits and I sucked his cock a bit. But he came in my mouth without warning and it tasted awful. I usually swallow, but I spat it in to a towel.
It sounds awful, but I almost have this feeling that the repulsive old ones are grateful for the experience of a much younger pussy. He often tells me how much he loves how wet I get and how I taste, and that just turns me on even more. I do want to be able to give him (and lots of other old men...) relief...and that’s why I want them to fuck me...

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