Do you know why I tend to post in CraigsList for guys, and not women? I don't believe women find me attractive! And I feel I have nothing to offer, or that they'll feel I have nothing to offer them. I can't provide somehow, as a man. I want a woman! I want to be loved by a woman! I want to be attractive to women! I want to make love to a woman. I just want to be loved. Instead I seek out porn porn porn....until I'm sickened by the fact that I'm viewing so much of this, and I realize I'm vicariously taking in other people's sexual encounters, when I'd much rather have my own. WHY am I not loved? It kills me. I have nothing, no one. I've made nothing of myself--I've tried, and tried, but always...I've failed. At least I can say I've tried. And will contiunue till I die. But so far, it's all been for nothing. I miss not having had children. I miss not having made a career for myself. Why is this human condition so fucked up? How could someone live a life like this? How hard can it be to find a solution (and believe me, I have fucking tried)? Why has everything gone so wrong for me? WHY? The emptiness is fucking unbearable sometimes.