my mental is getting worse. i try my best to control it but it beats me really hard. i am bounced back and try my best to fight against my mental pain once more.

i have been doing this in all these years. sometimes i thought maybe a visit to psychologist may help, but i know their job is to only label me or tag me on some kind of a long,freak scientific name , throw me some medicines, and made me humiliated in front of the society. not that i do not trust them but i could not, their ways of thinking they know everything about human makes me sad.

do they know human entirely? it's a saddening question.
that's why i don't believe them, no matter it is a respectable profession. to analyze human in a scientific way and not trying to approach in a more humane manner makes me sad.

that's why, i am going to fight against my own sickness of my own. i won't ask their help.whatever worse possible happen would probably be death, or even some unhappiness, but that is all i am thinking.

but i am still sane! so sane that i know that sometimes some people just don't know what they are doing but i know what i am doing. so i can control this pretty well. i am not totally into the worst condition yet.

i will heal myself.