He went to the army, and while he was gone I had a difficult time because I was in love with him. It wasn't until I was 15 that I had another lover, a man that worked at the mall where I had a job at a shoe store. For him it was a lot of hidden grabbing and blow jobs and I would ask him to fuck me and he did, but it was different. This was hidden and in the storageroom behind the store after hours. He was about 30 I would guess. I hadn't figured out that for him it was very risky.
When my friend returned from the army it wasn't the same anymore. We tried, but the spark was gone and he moved on. I was by then a highschool student, and a confirmed queer. I had a lot of sex with guys, some from school, some for fun, and I became a regular with some men from town who liked boys. I much preferred the men than the highschool kids.
I am gay. I am the passive partner, that is I receive and don't get much out of giving. I enjoy receiving and I much prefer older men, always older than me. I have had two confirmed relationships, but I also enjoy going out on the town. I am 35 now, and my main lover is a man who is 60. He is a very good lover, and very macho, which I love. I am careful, very careful.
I have never had a relationship with a female, and never had any desire for one. I identify with them as a gender and I often wonder if they feel the same when they are penetrated, that feeling of being so totally owned.
I know that men who do not feel this way have a hard time understanding why you would want to be fucked, but then again I tell them, they've never been fucked, so don't knock it.
p.s. I work in the shoe department at N.......
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