I'm having an affair. Absolutely no one knows except the two of us involved. I love my husband - seriously - but I'm much more interested in sex than he is... so I kind of saw this coming. My attempt to keep all emotions out of the affair (to remain simply "friends with benefits") is failing. I think about "Other" far too often. I even get a little jealous if he talks about other women. Absurd! To be fair, I think Other has a similar problem. He misses me when we're apart for three days and talks about how much he enjoys spending time with me (even sans sex). Part of my fascination with Other is based on his slightly deviant sexual habits; I'm both turned on by him and consumed with a desire to "fix" him.

I cheated on all my past significant others, too. I guess that's just who I am. How depressing. I justify my transgressions by citing my Atheist wedding vows (which didn't include anything about being faithful) and by blaming my husband for not fucking me enough. I don't think I will ever tell my husband about this, and I doubt he'll find out elsewhere. But I could be wrong. I may eventually have a nervous breakdown and throw this shit on the fan myself. I hope I can remain dishonest (ha)... I truly don't want to break up with my husband but I also don't have the willpower to ignore this Other. Needless to say, I hate myself at the moment.