Technically I'm still in the closet. My problem is that a number of years ago I started watching transsexual porn; I now have a massive collection. It used to be that these hot she bitches were treated as females, but over the last few years the genre has evolved and now the shemales make the men such their shecocks and butt fuck them. This role reversal turned me on so much, but I've come to realise if you're the one who wants to be the cocksucker and have their arse pussy fucked you've become a sissy faggot bottom. This is the reality that I want to admit, but can't. And once you're in this position it no longer matters whether your gay sex is with shemales or men, but I do prefer the femininity of a transsexual.

I just want to be on my knees being the cocksucker I am. I can't concentrate on anything - all I can think of is hot gay sex. I had a girlfriend a few years ago and she was really kinky and we experimented with all sorts of stuff. I think she was really perceptive and was aware of my deep hidden sexual desires. I dressed in her mini skirts, bras and panties when we fucked; we engaged in mutual anal sex (with her using a strap on), and I licked her arsehole as much as her pussy. I owe her a huge thanks for making me what I am today and essentially more self aware. I have a nasty fantasy of being able to suck dick in front of her and with her yelling at me what a filthy faggot cocksucker I am.

Anyhow, my gay desires have become so overwhelming I've nearly visited some glory holes so I can get some cock to suck. At the moment I've had to content myself with my transsexual and gay porn. My porn collection is huge and a I wank to it so much. Lately that hasn't been good enough and I had to do to the local adult shop and buy a strap on cock. I was so embarrassed, humiliated, and ashamed when I bought that dick, but also extremely excited. The other customers and shop assistants know you are gay and know what you are going to do with that cock as soon as you get home. And they are right - I've sucked that cock and fucked my arse pussy with it so much. I have definitely got my money's worth. However, buying that dick was especially humiliating because the shop assistant was a sexy chick and she had two really attractive friends visiting her at work. You could tell the sort of insulting things they were thinking about me given the looks they were giving me. Once of them said "Have a fun night faggot" when I left the shop, which excited me more. I'm fortunate the sex shop I frequent doesn't have a glory hole though or I would have succumbed to sucking anonymous cock and being arse fucked too. Mind you I don't think this would have lowered the girls estimate of me because they know I do that shit anyhow. One of the things I really like about buying things like gay porn and vibrators from an adult shop is that it is sort of a mini confession to the people in the shop that you are a homosexual.

I wake every morning with a hard-on because I've been dreaming all night of hot gay sex. I yearn to be made a real man's bitch who has a massive cock. I want to be his cocksucking cum slut and want me arse pussy fucked hard. I'd also love to lick his arsehole; I'm like a dog lapping at a bowl of water when I get to tongue whip a hot anus. I reckon any man would find me pretty cute because I've begun a pretty good lingerie collection which I've been ordering online and think I look pretty sexy when dressed.

I'm thinking about sending this confession to my ex so she can out me on Facebook and tell the world what a little cocksucking slut I am. I think she'd be a little shocked, but when she recalla our kinky sex life will realise that this has been my destiny. Thanks baby. I hope you're proud of me. I love being gay baby. I just need to get the guts to tell the world.