When I was 18 and a half I met the love of my life. We met online and didn't ask many questions, being more interested in intellectual conversation and flirting. Hitting it off immediately we eventually got into more sexual lines of conversation. We started having cybersex constantly. Sometimes for hours at a time. We had all the same sexual fantasies and kinks. I had never felt so aroused and he said I made him feel like a 17 year old again. It wasn't just about the sex either. I had never connected with another person like him before. Always growing up feeling like a outcast since I didn't share the views or morals of my peers.
Eventually we decided to trade information. We shared locations(me living in the pacific northwest and him living in the U.K.) I told him I was 18 years old, and he confessed that he was over twice my age. I decided I didn't care and he was thrilled( lets be honest guys, wouldn't you be?) We traded naughty pictures and even started talking about meeting in RL. 9 months later he managed to get the money together for a visit. I gave him my virginity and no joke he fucking rocked me. I wouldn't have expected him to have so much gusto for it without the aid of drugs, but he did. He could only stay 2 weeks and had to leave. But he managed another visit the fallowing year, us talking, trading pictures, making sexual videos, fantasying and teasing each other about what we would do if we had the rest of our lives together the entire time.
It's been over a year since his second visit.. and I miss him very much.. because of circumstances I won't get into I couldn't move in with him and we are stuck apart until we find a new alternative. With him working overtime as much as he does and my job we haven't been able to talk as much as we used too, it'll go a whole week before we can catch each other online (since I no longer have the use of my cell phone, we can't even call in emergencies.) and it's been going on for months. But we try to keep up contact and gush over how much we love and miss each other...
Recently I made the mistake of letting my sexual needs guide my decisions. I started having sexual conversations with another man online, this one is younger then me. but eager. I have been feeling lonely and let it get too far. Being a very graphic person I feel like I have betrayed the trust of my older gentleman. I every time I speak to the other boy. I picture my older man holding me, fucking me, pushing his cock into me like the new boy wants to do. and it eats me up inside that I keep doing it, while fantasizing about my man.
I honestly think if he knew he would be heart broken, but he wouldn't leave me. And even as I say this I know I couldn't let him go, and I'm too guilty for using the younger boy to stop now.. I am selfish and refuse to leave my older gentleman but I am very lonely and sexually frustrated and need that kind of physical attention. I can't see myself turning the younger boy down anytime soon, and I can't stop myself from picturing my older lover with every sentence we share. I just hope that when I see my lover I don't somehow give away what I've done.. I never want to hurt him, and if he knew it would be exactly what this would do.
I am selfish and I am horny. Horrible.
Eventually we decided to trade information. We shared locations(me living in the pacific northwest and him living in the U.K.) I told him I was 18 years old, and he confessed that he was over twice my age. I decided I didn't care and he was thrilled( lets be honest guys, wouldn't you be?) We traded naughty pictures and even started talking about meeting in RL. 9 months later he managed to get the money together for a visit. I gave him my virginity and no joke he fucking rocked me. I wouldn't have expected him to have so much gusto for it without the aid of drugs, but he did. He could only stay 2 weeks and had to leave. But he managed another visit the fallowing year, us talking, trading pictures, making sexual videos, fantasying and teasing each other about what we would do if we had the rest of our lives together the entire time.
It's been over a year since his second visit.. and I miss him very much.. because of circumstances I won't get into I couldn't move in with him and we are stuck apart until we find a new alternative. With him working overtime as much as he does and my job we haven't been able to talk as much as we used too, it'll go a whole week before we can catch each other online (since I no longer have the use of my cell phone, we can't even call in emergencies.) and it's been going on for months. But we try to keep up contact and gush over how much we love and miss each other...
Recently I made the mistake of letting my sexual needs guide my decisions. I started having sexual conversations with another man online, this one is younger then me. but eager. I have been feeling lonely and let it get too far. Being a very graphic person I feel like I have betrayed the trust of my older gentleman. I every time I speak to the other boy. I picture my older man holding me, fucking me, pushing his cock into me like the new boy wants to do. and it eats me up inside that I keep doing it, while fantasizing about my man.
I honestly think if he knew he would be heart broken, but he wouldn't leave me. And even as I say this I know I couldn't let him go, and I'm too guilty for using the younger boy to stop now.. I am selfish and refuse to leave my older gentleman but I am very lonely and sexually frustrated and need that kind of physical attention. I can't see myself turning the younger boy down anytime soon, and I can't stop myself from picturing my older lover with every sentence we share. I just hope that when I see my lover I don't somehow give away what I've done.. I never want to hurt him, and if he knew it would be exactly what this would do.
I am selfish and I am horny. Horrible.
