Last night, I stayed up till 3am drinking with all my cousins to after a family party. When it came time to sleep, my cousin and I went to his room to share his bed because there weren't enough beds and I'm small enough to squeeze in with him in his single, because although he's around 5'10 and well built (18 years old) I'm a petite 20 year old, 5ft brunette.

We both got undressed - him in his boxers and me in my oversized vest and knickers. I started to tie up my hip length hair, but he stop me and says I look so pretty with it down, so I leave it. We immediately curl up together, with him lying on his back and me across his chest with my face buried in his neck, and my legs tangled with his, so that one of his legs was between the two of mine with my pussy pressing against his thigh. He has his arm around me and he asks me if I like having my back stroked and I tell him it's my favourite thing in the world so he slips his hand under my vest and starts to scratch my back, which is so relaxing. Then he asks why I'm still wearing my bra and tells me to take it off so he can stroke my back properly, so I do and we curl up back together.

He's stroking my back and going lower and lower, and starts to lightly stroke my underwear, and he's lifting it and pulling it away from my ass, because they're french cut knickers, and he compliments me on my sexy lacy panties, and I tell him that I always wear nice underwear. By now he's stroking my ass cheeks and squeezing them, and making me so wet with just his touch, so when he starts rubbing my pussy through my panties he must've felt how turned on I was because he pulled them all the way down and sticks his fingers up me, rubbing and fucking me. He pushed me onto my back so he could go deeper and he then starts rubbing my clit jut how I love it, faster and I'm dripping at this point and he's amazing I end up having my first orgasm from just his touch.

We cuddle up together and he tells me he's glad he could cheer me up a bit, cause I was sad earlier from thinking about an ex. So then I want to make sure he's happy, and I start to rub his cock, feeling the hardness through his boxers and I pull them down and give him a blowjob, sucking and licking his hard cock and balls until he cums in my mouth. We then curl and go to sleep.

I love him so much, and we're so close and I just am so confused. I wouldn't ever want to have a relationship with him but I like having sexual contact with him? I'm not sure if this is entirely what I want, because actually, this cousin was the same one who touched me while I was sleeping, and when I woke up I was too scared to stop him when I was 16 and he was 14, for a period of six months. So I really don't know what the hell is going on because now I like it?