This is a true story: (For Jeremy)
Jeremy and I share the same name, but everything else was different. I am 5'8 he is 6'4, I wiegh 100. he wieghs 180, I look like a stick, he has a swimmers body. I have brown eyes, he has ice blue eyes. I have brown hair, his is black. Oh did I mention he is openly gay, and I am very very much closeted. Well was when I knew him.

We met at work, I was curious why he kept looking at me, and I was about it because he was simply stunning to look at. He walked over to me and said, "Hi I see your name is Jeremy, so is mine, I am gay and I think you are really cute. I have seen you around town." I was so taken back, and also beet red. I belonged to the most conservative church in town, and when I say that I mean I was very involved with it. I was in a position of leadership in more than one way. I was nervously watching him. I said Hi, I am Jeremy. He said, "You go to the church on main street. I saw you sing at the funeral, and i had to meet you." We went out to an all night Denny's and shut it down that night, by that I mean it was that people came into have breakfast and we still were there.
Jeremy became a friend, he would joke about wanting me to do things with him at work all the time. But we did things together outside of work. So we were really getting to be good friends.
It came as no surprise to me that Jeremy volunteered to take me to the airport and pick me up when I went home to see my father who had surgery. He is fine.
But on with it. When I left for florida I did not plan to get stuck in a blizzard when I got back and had not prepared for it, and it was June...But we got stuck in Denver upon my return. He got a room for us for the night. He looked at me as i watched TV, and said, "I would love to kiss you." I panicked and walked out of the room. He followed me out into the blizzard and ten inches snow. He caught up with me and I told him it was not that I did not want to but I could not. He put his jacket on me as I cried. The snow was falling just over his shoulder through a streetlight. He wiped my tears tilting my head up to his and he kissed me. And my body although half naked in ten inches of snow was on fire with thatkiss.
I panicked and bolted anywhere. But I am in Denver, and it is snowing. So I went back to the hotel. He arrived a few minutes later, plopped on the bed silent and taking his clothes off for bed. I turned and said, "When I decide something I am in 100%, right or wrong I see it through all the way." He looked at me as i continued, "What happened was incredible but it means everything is about to change. There is one thing I have always fantasized about, and that is giving some one a blow job."
This is where he looked at me in surprise and worry. He said, "I do not want to rush this." I said, "Jeremy when we get home, I will loose my nerve." He smiled brightly as he thought. "Jeremy listen to me, I would love to have you do it, but I have to tell you that I get really big." He turned away embarrassed. I went over and sat next to him. He layed back and I saw his underwear. I grinned and peeked into the waistband of his boxer briefs and smiled. "Doesn't seem so bad." You see I was not thinking, I thought he was hard. He sighed, "It hits 12 inches, and I well I do not hurt you."
I grinned a wide grin, and sat on his legs and pulled down his underwear. I being a novice at this, took my time, as he came I could not believe how good he tasted and smelled. I had figured out how to work with a cock that big really fast. We did this a few times as the night went on and slept in each others arms.
The next day we were still snowed in in Denver, not that we did not try to get home, but when they say drive at own risk, we will not go out in the storm, you tend to listen. So we got another hotel and passed out as we were still tired, and I had jet lag.
That night I being all in asked him to seal the deal, and yes I said that to him, but he was still worried and said, "No I do not want to hurt you." I continued doing what I knew how to do now for a while and said, "Jeremy I want to feel what it feels like to have you inside me." He told me "No." I threw myself over and fell asleep. I heard him cry as I drifted off, unsure what it meant.
Late that night I woke up with him on top of me. He said, "I want to try." I lit up and smiled, "Thank you." He tried a couple of times and could not make it fit, and I told him to force it. He still objected. This time he was really crying, he wanted so much to make me happy. I rolled over next to him and said, "I am sorry." Kissed his cheek and went to sleep. He woke me up really late and said, "Let me try again."
He cried as he made love to me constantly saying, "Am I hurting you?" I just grunted as he went deep and slow. He began speeding up and I could feel him get ready to cum. He and I grunted as our bodies exploded in passion. We lay there and he said, "Are you ok?" I caught my breath and said uh huh. It was powerful, lying there as he was on top of me breathing as he relaxed. I laughed and said, "I am not going to sit for a few days." Jeremy laughed and his blue eyes glinted with joy. We did it a few more times (it was easier the consecutive times we had sex.) and passed out.
On the way back that night, I told him that he could not say a word of what went on this weekend, and that I was not ready to be his boyfriend. He at first was ok with it, but a week passed and he was really depressed because at the time I had simply moved on. Not dating, but with my life and the church. I was singing in the chior when I saw him come in the back a couple of weeks later, and I nearly passed out right in front of 400 people. But I went back to him after the sermon was done. I tried to get out of the church with him before anyone saw us. I was in true panic mode. But the pastor had me introduce my friend Jeremy.
I could have died right there. I was not sure what Jeremy would do. He smiled and said, "I enjoyed the sermon." When we sat on his car he said, "I was here last week and the week before that, you live here don't you." I just stared trying to think of what to say to him, but he said, "I know now why you said you can't be my boyfriend, you would lose your life. I did not know just how involved you were, how much you are loved here." Then he stared at me. He said, "Jeremy I want you to know that if you ever change your mind I am here."
Well I would like to say that I did the right thing but I did not, and life moved me away from him. I had grown tired of living the double standard lie, I left because he had moved."
I finally tracked down his mother ten years later to see if I could talk to him. With tears in her voice she explained he had died of AIDS complication in 2000. That was 12 years ago. I cried. She sent me a picture she said Jeremy had on his nightstand at the hospital of the two of us sitting on his porch, it now sits on my nightstand. And my partner holds me now as I cry when I think of Jeremy. Edward said, "Jeremy you need to write it down. So others will understand that yes bad decisions have un-intended victims, but that they have also equal blessings. I would never have met you if it were not for Jeremy, and you would still be living a lie." You see...when someone dies, the memories flood in like a movie in reverse and you see it all and remember it like it was yesterday, although nearly 15 years have gone by.
So Jeremy, you were my first in everyway and I want to say I love you and I will see you in Heaven; someone who loves so much so wilingly and unconditionally deserves peace. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about you. You changed me into a man who loves unconditionally. And although I am crying even right now...I miss you, and I love you, and know I will see you again.