It started with a dream. Nothing more than the ramblings of my brain in the spring. Why did it have to be about someone who was completely not my type, not available, and certainly not my husband. Still my attention was peaked and over the few weeks I unknowingly drew closer to my coworker. Before the summer had even started I found my tongue entwined with his over and over again. We were forbidden fruit to each other and every taste was sweeter than the last. Neither of us could resist temptation of touch but even in September when I moved away we had never gone farther than his hands briefly caressing the dampness he caused through my jeans. Hundreds of miles were now between us and though we were not able to touch, technology helped keep us in touch. So many texts, emails, pictures, and chats. Then one day it stopped. No warning. No goodbye. He had always told me my friendship was always more important and yet still he vanished. His phone was disconnected. His email gone. It had never occurred to me about having more than friends with benefits. After several months of radio silence, I could not ignore the feelings I was experiencing. Guilt, disgust, loneliness, dirty, ?love? Why that one? We had never discussed anything further or wanted anything beyond pleasures of the flesh. Now I couldn't have that and in absence thoughts welled up to the brim. After a year of trying to forget I came across the very first email he ever sent me. "happy birthday" All at once I lost my composure and cried like a blubbering idiot before responding. I expected no response but not 5 minutes later there it was in my inbox. This brief interaction reignited the spark that was smothered choked so long ago. This is not the happy ending you are looking for. Like we had never parted we picked right back up. Although I was trying to not let him know how much I missed him, eventually he coaxed out my written thoughts of anger and sadness. A few months of chatting, exchanging photos, and even plans of a visit were made. Then at once it was all gone again. Even after a brief confession from him that he wanted to steal me away and be just his, if only for a week or so, the alternate reality of "us". This time he eventually gave me a courtesy of farewell with the "assurance" I would be remembered as a good friend. Just a memory. Now I get to pretend that we were nothing and that small dagger in my chest doesn't exist. Every word was deleted...text, email, chat, picture... With this writing my last tears I will shed and then I will not keep him as a memory. I do myself the favor of forgetting.