This was 1968; change was everywhere in the air; even our hometown of Denver wasn't dull anymore. It seemed that music, protest, and free expression would soon create a very different world. Each day brought new possibilities.
Diana let me drive her VW Beetle to the concert. She sat beside me and tried not to be a front-seat driver.
The concert was one of those Happenings that haven't been duplicated since that era. The crowd was half the show, all these new freaks with their long-suppressed weirdnesses coming out, finally able to show their hidden sides, still tender and fresh. Everyone greeted one another with open, accepting eyes. The mood was peace and love, but spiced with the high-energy mania that the Stones do so well. Mick pranced around in tight pants showing off his buns and singing, "I can't get no satisfaction."
I could identify with that. I was still a virgin, which is now a rarity but back then was a normal teenage affliction. Although curious and eager, I had so far been unsuccessful in convincing any of the fair sex to share theirs with me. The music roused my frustrated lust.
The crowd was awash in marijuana smoke. People were passing around an endless stream of joints and offering tabs of acid. Diana and I declined the LSD but toked on the grass pretty heavy. We had both smoked before but never together. She hadn't wanted to encourage me, but here it was unavoidable. It was also super strong, a blend called M&Ms, Michoacán mixed with mescaline into a psychedelic cocktail that took us high-higher-highest. We floated through the rhythms and melodies as if they were the protoplasm of our cells. The music, the whole universe even, seemed to be coming from inside us. We found ourselves holding hands, overwhelmed. After the last encore, Mick mooned the crowd and scampered off.
Royally stoned, neither of us could drive, so we rolled home in a cab and headed straight for the fridge, munched out on rocky road ice cream. We were having a great time, giggling like kids, more relaxed and free than we'd been around each other in years. We were really whacked out of our skulls.
We started talking about the great songs they didn't play, and dragged out their records. Soon the stereo was blasting. The Stones' music is, of course, solid sex, the lyrics and beat obsessed with Eros. That made us more nervous here alone than it had at the concert. Since it'd been a sit-down event with no dancing, we had a pent-up need to move and burn off tension.
While Mick sang, "Let's spend the night together," we kicked off our shoes and boogied around the living room, both of us in jeans and multi-colored shirts. We didn't have the same dancing style, and we were too bombed to be very coordinated, but that didn't matter. The important thing was to have fun shaking it to the music.
At first we were each more into ourselves, woozily bopping and grooving. Then our eyes met more often and we started getting into dance as communication between us. We laughed and did little routines together, twirling around, bumping shoulders. She flipped her auburn ponytail in my face. Each time we looked at each other, so many emotions poured between our wide-open pupils: shyness, apologies for old hurts and harsh words, fear, nameless yearnings, defiance, and strongest of all — love.
The slow tempo of "No Expectations" brought us into a ballroom pose, like Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire. With me a millimeter taller, we glided around trying to be elegant, but she hiccuped from having eaten the ice cream too fast, and we broke up. While Mick crooned, "Never in my sweet short life have I felt like this before," I held her manfully and bent her down into a low dip, my leg between hers. I could feel her warm midsection pressing against me and see the bulge of her breasts beneath her Mexican blouse. I almost dropped her, but managed to raise her back up. She must've felt something in my middle too, because she skittered away.
The next song caught her, though, and we were off on a fast one. To not fixate on her jiggling chest, I focused on her eyes. They were the same shade of brown as mine, but seemed flecked with sparkling gold.
With the psychedelic vision, it was as if I could see into her personality, all the churn of her thoughts and emotions, and then beneath that even to her soul. Before, I'd just seen her as Mom ... or a Lawyer. Now I could look through that surface to her feminine essence — the most beautiful and desirable woman I'd ever imagined. Her female core drew me like a magnet.
I could tell from her surprised, embarrassed glances that she was seeing me as a man.
We played eye games, staring into each other's and dancing closer and closer as if hypnotized, until it got too intense and we darted away. Finally we found ourselves just standing there two inches apart gazing into each other through a great silence. The song was over and we weren't dancing.
The next cut snapped us out of our reverie, and we were off again. "You're ten thousand light years from home," Brian Jones sang. As we danced, we continued watching each other. It was as if we were each the first human being the other had laid eyes on. We were similar but different, familiar yet strange. Our seeking eyes glided over skin, taking the other in.
When the record ended, I needed to look at something else, so nervously I picked up one of the jackets, Between the Buttons. The title seemed hilarious, and I cracked up, laughing to relieve the strain.
She came over to see and thought it was funny too. We pointed at the musicians' pictures set into flowers and giggled together.
"Between the buttons," I said. "What do you have between your buttons?" It seemed witty, and she reached out and tickled my tummy between my shirt buttons. We were blushing and our looks had turned daring. I tickled her in return, along her ribs then under her arms, and she squirmed and shrieked. We were both so tripped out that we did things we normally wouldn't've let ourselves even think about.
"The buttons!" I intoned in a mock basso voice. "What's between your buttons?" We stood close together panting with laughter. I touched her embroidered blouse and stretched my fingers between its wooden buttons as if measuring. A button came open and my hand kept going, into the soft fullness of her bra.
At that touch, every cell of my skin came alive, my breath hung suspended, and a different music drummed in my mind. I touched more, ran my hands over her luscious mounds. The other buttons came undone. "What do you have — ?"
"Whoa, you!" she cut me off and backed away on unsteady legs, rebuttoning her blouse. "Put on something a little quieter." Mom turned away and looked at the record rack. As she bent over to pull out an LP, her jeans stretched around her curvy bottom.
I forced a laugh to make it seem this was still just a game and pulled the tails of her blouse out from her jeans. She jerked up, turned around with a reprimanding but amused look, and waggled her finger at me. "OK ... stop now."
"Only if you give me a kiss," I insisted, trying to sound playful.
Diana puckered her full lips into a little moue, then began laughing through her nose, which made her sneeze. I lurched into her, held her in my arms, kissed her cheek, then her lips. She didn't return the kiss but let me continue. I brushed my lips gently over hers, trying to recall all my limited make-out skills. I slipped one hand under her blouse and up her back.
She broke the kiss. "Enough of that! Let's — "
I quieted her by covering her crimson lips again with mine. Hers now responded just the tiniest bit, and we kissed each other hesitantly, exploring these lips that we knew so well but not in this way. Inside each of us a voice was screaming, No! But another voice — long buried and now stronger — was screaming, Yes! We were awkward, as if we'd both forgotten how to kiss and were reinventing it. We nibbled at each other curiously, and I rubbed the taut skin of her back.
"You won't quit, will you," mom said, but didn't pull away. I remained silent, knowing talk could only distract us. Instead I drew her again into the swirl of our kisses. Her breath deepened into a sigh.
I brought my hand around to the front and petted a breast, felt her nipple under the bra, marveled as it stiffened under my touch.
"Don't do that!" She tried to twist away, but not very much, and I held her with my other arm, kissed her again, and continued to pet.
My thoughts were chaos. What was I doing? This was mom I was groping! That's the Big Don't. What if somebody found out? What would the kids at school say? I must be crazy ... freaking out. Quit it! But I couldn't. A wild roaring hunger drove me on.
#If you'd like to read the entire true story of mother's and my love affair you can download it for free on Smashwords. Search for "TABOO: A Memoir" and "MEMOIRS OF FORBIDDEN LOVE: The Sexual Revolution Come Home" by Tom Hathaway.
Diana let me drive her VW Beetle to the concert. She sat beside me and tried not to be a front-seat driver.
The concert was one of those Happenings that haven't been duplicated since that era. The crowd was half the show, all these new freaks with their long-suppressed weirdnesses coming out, finally able to show their hidden sides, still tender and fresh. Everyone greeted one another with open, accepting eyes. The mood was peace and love, but spiced with the high-energy mania that the Stones do so well. Mick pranced around in tight pants showing off his buns and singing, "I can't get no satisfaction."
I could identify with that. I was still a virgin, which is now a rarity but back then was a normal teenage affliction. Although curious and eager, I had so far been unsuccessful in convincing any of the fair sex to share theirs with me. The music roused my frustrated lust.
The crowd was awash in marijuana smoke. People were passing around an endless stream of joints and offering tabs of acid. Diana and I declined the LSD but toked on the grass pretty heavy. We had both smoked before but never together. She hadn't wanted to encourage me, but here it was unavoidable. It was also super strong, a blend called M&Ms, Michoacán mixed with mescaline into a psychedelic cocktail that took us high-higher-highest. We floated through the rhythms and melodies as if they were the protoplasm of our cells. The music, the whole universe even, seemed to be coming from inside us. We found ourselves holding hands, overwhelmed. After the last encore, Mick mooned the crowd and scampered off.
Royally stoned, neither of us could drive, so we rolled home in a cab and headed straight for the fridge, munched out on rocky road ice cream. We were having a great time, giggling like kids, more relaxed and free than we'd been around each other in years. We were really whacked out of our skulls.
We started talking about the great songs they didn't play, and dragged out their records. Soon the stereo was blasting. The Stones' music is, of course, solid sex, the lyrics and beat obsessed with Eros. That made us more nervous here alone than it had at the concert. Since it'd been a sit-down event with no dancing, we had a pent-up need to move and burn off tension.
While Mick sang, "Let's spend the night together," we kicked off our shoes and boogied around the living room, both of us in jeans and multi-colored shirts. We didn't have the same dancing style, and we were too bombed to be very coordinated, but that didn't matter. The important thing was to have fun shaking it to the music.
At first we were each more into ourselves, woozily bopping and grooving. Then our eyes met more often and we started getting into dance as communication between us. We laughed and did little routines together, twirling around, bumping shoulders. She flipped her auburn ponytail in my face. Each time we looked at each other, so many emotions poured between our wide-open pupils: shyness, apologies for old hurts and harsh words, fear, nameless yearnings, defiance, and strongest of all — love.
The slow tempo of "No Expectations" brought us into a ballroom pose, like Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire. With me a millimeter taller, we glided around trying to be elegant, but she hiccuped from having eaten the ice cream too fast, and we broke up. While Mick crooned, "Never in my sweet short life have I felt like this before," I held her manfully and bent her down into a low dip, my leg between hers. I could feel her warm midsection pressing against me and see the bulge of her breasts beneath her Mexican blouse. I almost dropped her, but managed to raise her back up. She must've felt something in my middle too, because she skittered away.
The next song caught her, though, and we were off on a fast one. To not fixate on her jiggling chest, I focused on her eyes. They were the same shade of brown as mine, but seemed flecked with sparkling gold.
With the psychedelic vision, it was as if I could see into her personality, all the churn of her thoughts and emotions, and then beneath that even to her soul. Before, I'd just seen her as Mom ... or a Lawyer. Now I could look through that surface to her feminine essence — the most beautiful and desirable woman I'd ever imagined. Her female core drew me like a magnet.
I could tell from her surprised, embarrassed glances that she was seeing me as a man.
We played eye games, staring into each other's and dancing closer and closer as if hypnotized, until it got too intense and we darted away. Finally we found ourselves just standing there two inches apart gazing into each other through a great silence. The song was over and we weren't dancing.
The next cut snapped us out of our reverie, and we were off again. "You're ten thousand light years from home," Brian Jones sang. As we danced, we continued watching each other. It was as if we were each the first human being the other had laid eyes on. We were similar but different, familiar yet strange. Our seeking eyes glided over skin, taking the other in.
When the record ended, I needed to look at something else, so nervously I picked up one of the jackets, Between the Buttons. The title seemed hilarious, and I cracked up, laughing to relieve the strain.
She came over to see and thought it was funny too. We pointed at the musicians' pictures set into flowers and giggled together.
"Between the buttons," I said. "What do you have between your buttons?" It seemed witty, and she reached out and tickled my tummy between my shirt buttons. We were blushing and our looks had turned daring. I tickled her in return, along her ribs then under her arms, and she squirmed and shrieked. We were both so tripped out that we did things we normally wouldn't've let ourselves even think about.
"The buttons!" I intoned in a mock basso voice. "What's between your buttons?" We stood close together panting with laughter. I touched her embroidered blouse and stretched my fingers between its wooden buttons as if measuring. A button came open and my hand kept going, into the soft fullness of her bra.
At that touch, every cell of my skin came alive, my breath hung suspended, and a different music drummed in my mind. I touched more, ran my hands over her luscious mounds. The other buttons came undone. "What do you have — ?"
"Whoa, you!" she cut me off and backed away on unsteady legs, rebuttoning her blouse. "Put on something a little quieter." Mom turned away and looked at the record rack. As she bent over to pull out an LP, her jeans stretched around her curvy bottom.
I forced a laugh to make it seem this was still just a game and pulled the tails of her blouse out from her jeans. She jerked up, turned around with a reprimanding but amused look, and waggled her finger at me. "OK ... stop now."
"Only if you give me a kiss," I insisted, trying to sound playful.
Diana puckered her full lips into a little moue, then began laughing through her nose, which made her sneeze. I lurched into her, held her in my arms, kissed her cheek, then her lips. She didn't return the kiss but let me continue. I brushed my lips gently over hers, trying to recall all my limited make-out skills. I slipped one hand under her blouse and up her back.
She broke the kiss. "Enough of that! Let's — "
I quieted her by covering her crimson lips again with mine. Hers now responded just the tiniest bit, and we kissed each other hesitantly, exploring these lips that we knew so well but not in this way. Inside each of us a voice was screaming, No! But another voice — long buried and now stronger — was screaming, Yes! We were awkward, as if we'd both forgotten how to kiss and were reinventing it. We nibbled at each other curiously, and I rubbed the taut skin of her back.
"You won't quit, will you," mom said, but didn't pull away. I remained silent, knowing talk could only distract us. Instead I drew her again into the swirl of our kisses. Her breath deepened into a sigh.
I brought my hand around to the front and petted a breast, felt her nipple under the bra, marveled as it stiffened under my touch.
"Don't do that!" She tried to twist away, but not very much, and I held her with my other arm, kissed her again, and continued to pet.
My thoughts were chaos. What was I doing? This was mom I was groping! That's the Big Don't. What if somebody found out? What would the kids at school say? I must be crazy ... freaking out. Quit it! But I couldn't. A wild roaring hunger drove me on.
#If you'd like to read the entire true story of mother's and my love affair you can download it for free on Smashwords. Search for "TABOO: A Memoir" and "MEMOIRS OF FORBIDDEN LOVE: The Sexual Revolution Come Home" by Tom Hathaway.
