I'm a 30 year old single white male high school teacher.
Up until last year, I was working in a very poor inner-city school district where over 95% of the students are African American. Our schools were in bad shape in general, and my school in particular.
Year before last, there was a girl who was in two of my classes – one on A Day, one on B Day – and she was the only student I saw every day.
She was a Junior, and due to her family situation, had just moved to our district the Summer before.
She had a very hard time socially – she just didn't really fit in with the culture of the neighborhood where our school was located, was much more academically gifted than the overwhelming majority of other students in our school, didn't have common tastes or interests with the other students, etc., etc…
I heard guys talking about her more than once, saying that they didn't like her because she was "too skinny, and too 'black,' but she acted too white."
I found the "too black" part confusing coming from African American students, until I came to understand that they meant that she had an extremely dark complexion, and that they preferred black girls with a lighter complexion.
I also didn't really agree with the "too skinny" part, but we were in an area with a big obesity problem, and "thicker" girls did seem to be more popular with the boys.
She was genuinely my favorite student that year, because she was knowledgeable and intelligent, and was really the only one that ever participated in what were supposed to be class discussions.
And, in case it isn't obvious by now, I also thought that she was absolutely gorgeous (although I'd never been involved romantically or sexually with someone of a different ethnic background than myself).
At the end of the year, she had the opportunity to move to live with a relative out of state, and spend her senior year at a much better school.
I'd had enough of the school district I was in, fighting losing battles there, and took a job at a school in the affluent suburbs of my city.
It wasn't long before she found me on facebook and sent me a friend request.
I have always had a policy against accepting friend requests from students on facebook, but that time I made an exception.
We started chatting and exchanging messages, and I was able to explain that communication to myself as friendly and as an adult helping a kid out, because mostly we talked about her problems and I tried to advise and encourage her.
One night we were in the middle of a conversation online, and she was really pouring her heart out to me, and then suddenly said "I have to get offline – can I please have your number so I can finish telling you in a text?"
I gave her my number, and so then texting became part of our communication as well, and we were communicating more and more and more.
Then, one night she called me, so we started talking on the phone as well…
And slowly, gradually, over the course of that first semester, the content and nature of our conversations eventually changed.
Then she started sending me photos of herself, and those photos started getting more and more… personal, I guess.
It wasn't long after the New Year that we started having phone sex.
I dated someone close to my own age during that time as well, but was able to juggle both without the girl that I was dating here ever finding out, although we eventually broke up for other reasons.
At the end of last school year, she had to move back here, again because of her family situation.
We actually have the same birthday (something else we bonded over when she was my student), and not long before she moved back here, she had turned 18 and I had turned 30.
We made plans to meet somewhere in a part of town where neither of us was likely to run into anyone we knew.
We had dinner, then coffee, and then decided to go back to my house to watch a movie.
Back at my house, it wasn't long before we started making out, and – of course – we eventually had sex.
It was, hands down, the best, most amazing sexual experience I've ever had.
Back to the "skinny" thing, yes, she was skinny, but she had large(ish) breasts that were firm and perky, and a round, firm butt, too.
In other words, skinny where it mattered, but not skinny in other place where it mattered too, if you know what I mean.
Just an amazing body, really.
Anyway, it was great, at least for me, but maybe not for her.
Maybe it didn't live up to her fantasies.
She seemed to be having a great time, though, if you know what I mean, but eventually had to leave because she was expected back home (she got calls before she left asking where she was and when she'd be home).
We texted and talked some more over the next few days, and everything seemed great, but when I tried to make plans to get together again, she said she couldn't ever see me again, and wouldn't tell me why.
So, of course, we stopped talking, and she "unfriended" me on facebook.
I'm not the pushy type, so I let it go.
It's been over 3 months, but I still wonder why.
I knew we couldn't have a real relationship, but I thought that our sexual relationship could at least continue for a while in secret.
I know it was wrong in so many ways, and I do feel extremely guilty about it, but – at the same time – I really enjoyed it as well…
Not just the sex, but the whole thing from when we started communicating after she moved away.
I haven't been involved with anyone since then, and ever since then, when I masturbate, my mind drifts to her, whether I want it to or not.
Well, that's it.
Up until last year, I was working in a very poor inner-city school district where over 95% of the students are African American. Our schools were in bad shape in general, and my school in particular.
Year before last, there was a girl who was in two of my classes – one on A Day, one on B Day – and she was the only student I saw every day.
She was a Junior, and due to her family situation, had just moved to our district the Summer before.
She had a very hard time socially – she just didn't really fit in with the culture of the neighborhood where our school was located, was much more academically gifted than the overwhelming majority of other students in our school, didn't have common tastes or interests with the other students, etc., etc…
I heard guys talking about her more than once, saying that they didn't like her because she was "too skinny, and too 'black,' but she acted too white."
I found the "too black" part confusing coming from African American students, until I came to understand that they meant that she had an extremely dark complexion, and that they preferred black girls with a lighter complexion.
I also didn't really agree with the "too skinny" part, but we were in an area with a big obesity problem, and "thicker" girls did seem to be more popular with the boys.
She was genuinely my favorite student that year, because she was knowledgeable and intelligent, and was really the only one that ever participated in what were supposed to be class discussions.
And, in case it isn't obvious by now, I also thought that she was absolutely gorgeous (although I'd never been involved romantically or sexually with someone of a different ethnic background than myself).
At the end of the year, she had the opportunity to move to live with a relative out of state, and spend her senior year at a much better school.
I'd had enough of the school district I was in, fighting losing battles there, and took a job at a school in the affluent suburbs of my city.
It wasn't long before she found me on facebook and sent me a friend request.
I have always had a policy against accepting friend requests from students on facebook, but that time I made an exception.
We started chatting and exchanging messages, and I was able to explain that communication to myself as friendly and as an adult helping a kid out, because mostly we talked about her problems and I tried to advise and encourage her.
One night we were in the middle of a conversation online, and she was really pouring her heart out to me, and then suddenly said "I have to get offline – can I please have your number so I can finish telling you in a text?"
I gave her my number, and so then texting became part of our communication as well, and we were communicating more and more and more.
Then, one night she called me, so we started talking on the phone as well…
And slowly, gradually, over the course of that first semester, the content and nature of our conversations eventually changed.
Then she started sending me photos of herself, and those photos started getting more and more… personal, I guess.
It wasn't long after the New Year that we started having phone sex.
I dated someone close to my own age during that time as well, but was able to juggle both without the girl that I was dating here ever finding out, although we eventually broke up for other reasons.
At the end of last school year, she had to move back here, again because of her family situation.
We actually have the same birthday (something else we bonded over when she was my student), and not long before she moved back here, she had turned 18 and I had turned 30.
We made plans to meet somewhere in a part of town where neither of us was likely to run into anyone we knew.
We had dinner, then coffee, and then decided to go back to my house to watch a movie.
Back at my house, it wasn't long before we started making out, and – of course – we eventually had sex.
It was, hands down, the best, most amazing sexual experience I've ever had.
Back to the "skinny" thing, yes, she was skinny, but she had large(ish) breasts that were firm and perky, and a round, firm butt, too.
In other words, skinny where it mattered, but not skinny in other place where it mattered too, if you know what I mean.
Just an amazing body, really.
Anyway, it was great, at least for me, but maybe not for her.
Maybe it didn't live up to her fantasies.
She seemed to be having a great time, though, if you know what I mean, but eventually had to leave because she was expected back home (she got calls before she left asking where she was and when she'd be home).
We texted and talked some more over the next few days, and everything seemed great, but when I tried to make plans to get together again, she said she couldn't ever see me again, and wouldn't tell me why.
So, of course, we stopped talking, and she "unfriended" me on facebook.
I'm not the pushy type, so I let it go.
It's been over 3 months, but I still wonder why.
I knew we couldn't have a real relationship, but I thought that our sexual relationship could at least continue for a while in secret.
I know it was wrong in so many ways, and I do feel extremely guilty about it, but – at the same time – I really enjoyed it as well…
Not just the sex, but the whole thing from when we started communicating after she moved away.
I haven't been involved with anyone since then, and ever since then, when I masturbate, my mind drifts to her, whether I want it to or not.
Well, that's it.
- That's Juicy! 13
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