I was a model/actress in a country half way across the world from where I am now-Hollywood, California. In my home country, I starred in my first commercial for a Internationally-known skin care line. And soon after, landed the principal roles on 3 prime time TV shows. I was 14 when my career began and 18 when it ended.
I moved to the U.S. and was attending community college when I received an acceptance letter in the mail from a famous acting institute. It was the letter I'd been waiting for. After all, my purpose of moving overseas in the first place was to accumulate as much knowledge and skill as I could in performing arts as I could, it was the only thing I felt I knew how to do and loved doing. After about 4 successful years in my home country from age 14-18 + another 4 years of training in the U.S., I graduated and was ready for a rewarding career and a chance to put my training to the test! I couldn't wait! But then, almost overnight, the ending came before it even had a chance to begin.
I broke out. Adult acne. Severe. Active acne and scarring. So since I graduated, I'd never been on one audition, never sought out an agent, or even a modeling agency. I wouldn't want to waste their time sending them retouched pictures of me only to meet me in person and be upset for not warning them about my face. So I didn't bother. Now I'm 29, years have past, and my face is still plagued. I have no other skills as I'd invested everything into performing arts, money, years, unhealthy diets, tears, and...once again-money. So I'm broke in Hollywood with a terrific body (which I struggled with all through my adolescent years) and now that my body is finally to my pleasing, my face is the obstacle. It's absurd and almost like a sick joke to think that the only single thing holding me back from being able to support myself by working in a career I've sacrificed everything else for ARE a few superficial spots on my face.
So now, I find myself searching for jobs on CGL and all I see are modeling and acting jobs paying good money, jobs I would've been doing had my face not broken out the way it has. So now I've limited myself to trying to find gigs that don't require exposure of your face. And since I refuse to do porn, I'm stuck in a cycle of private amatuer photographers who take implied sexual photos for their own collection. By the way, although I've written these ads back, I have never followed through because of the fear that it may be a psycho who gets off on killing girls. And I still want to live. I want to go back to school but I have no money and wouldn't even know what field to choose because I'm not interested in anything else other than writing and performing arts and I can't make a career out of writing because English is not my native tongue so I'd never make the cut. So I'm living a purposeless life scanning CGL for the next "MODELING without showing the face - but not porn". It's hard for me to accept that every single door has completely closed on me in regard to this career I've sacrificed it all for. And I turn 30 next year. My bf's an actor and the only good thing on my life. Yet, I don't attend red carpet events at his date because I'm not comfortable enough with my face and no money to have my make-up done professionally. So I stay home while he walks the red carpet alone. The difference that a few spots can make. This condition is something where there's no 100% cure for. If your acne goes, then you're still left with ugly scars. I used to worry night and day about my weight in my adolescence, I thought having a little extra weight was the worst and hardest issue in the world for a teenage girl. But I was wrong, weight can be lost and gained, adult acne many times can't. And when you finally find something you think will work, your bank account's empty. The end. I'll have to find an open door somewhere for something.
"Don't put all your eggs in 1 basket" I learned that too late and the hard way. And unlike people who can turn their obstacles around and overcome it and still achieve their goals, in my case, it can never be turned around.
Like an injured pro football player who had back surgery and was told never to play again.
A ballerina who trained all her life just to get in a car accident and lose full function of one of her legs.
Or a painter who loses his arms.
A chef who loses his sense of taste.
What next? You try to stay positive, count your blessings, and accept it while everyone moves forward anxiously to their dreams, closer and closer everyday... I watch and smile as the world passes me by and I wish them all the best.
I moved to the U.S. and was attending community college when I received an acceptance letter in the mail from a famous acting institute. It was the letter I'd been waiting for. After all, my purpose of moving overseas in the first place was to accumulate as much knowledge and skill as I could in performing arts as I could, it was the only thing I felt I knew how to do and loved doing. After about 4 successful years in my home country from age 14-18 + another 4 years of training in the U.S., I graduated and was ready for a rewarding career and a chance to put my training to the test! I couldn't wait! But then, almost overnight, the ending came before it even had a chance to begin.
I broke out. Adult acne. Severe. Active acne and scarring. So since I graduated, I'd never been on one audition, never sought out an agent, or even a modeling agency. I wouldn't want to waste their time sending them retouched pictures of me only to meet me in person and be upset for not warning them about my face. So I didn't bother. Now I'm 29, years have past, and my face is still plagued. I have no other skills as I'd invested everything into performing arts, money, years, unhealthy diets, tears, and...once again-money. So I'm broke in Hollywood with a terrific body (which I struggled with all through my adolescent years) and now that my body is finally to my pleasing, my face is the obstacle. It's absurd and almost like a sick joke to think that the only single thing holding me back from being able to support myself by working in a career I've sacrificed everything else for ARE a few superficial spots on my face.
So now, I find myself searching for jobs on CGL and all I see are modeling and acting jobs paying good money, jobs I would've been doing had my face not broken out the way it has. So now I've limited myself to trying to find gigs that don't require exposure of your face. And since I refuse to do porn, I'm stuck in a cycle of private amatuer photographers who take implied sexual photos for their own collection. By the way, although I've written these ads back, I have never followed through because of the fear that it may be a psycho who gets off on killing girls. And I still want to live. I want to go back to school but I have no money and wouldn't even know what field to choose because I'm not interested in anything else other than writing and performing arts and I can't make a career out of writing because English is not my native tongue so I'd never make the cut. So I'm living a purposeless life scanning CGL for the next "MODELING without showing the face - but not porn". It's hard for me to accept that every single door has completely closed on me in regard to this career I've sacrificed it all for. And I turn 30 next year. My bf's an actor and the only good thing on my life. Yet, I don't attend red carpet events at his date because I'm not comfortable enough with my face and no money to have my make-up done professionally. So I stay home while he walks the red carpet alone. The difference that a few spots can make. This condition is something where there's no 100% cure for. If your acne goes, then you're still left with ugly scars. I used to worry night and day about my weight in my adolescence, I thought having a little extra weight was the worst and hardest issue in the world for a teenage girl. But I was wrong, weight can be lost and gained, adult acne many times can't. And when you finally find something you think will work, your bank account's empty. The end. I'll have to find an open door somewhere for something.
"Don't put all your eggs in 1 basket" I learned that too late and the hard way. And unlike people who can turn their obstacles around and overcome it and still achieve their goals, in my case, it can never be turned around.
Like an injured pro football player who had back surgery and was told never to play again.
A ballerina who trained all her life just to get in a car accident and lose full function of one of her legs.
Or a painter who loses his arms.
A chef who loses his sense of taste.
What next? You try to stay positive, count your blessings, and accept it while everyone moves forward anxiously to their dreams, closer and closer everyday... I watch and smile as the world passes me by and I wish them all the best.
