Im fucking out of contole with my partying its gotten really bad i keep geting drunk and fraternising with neferious charicters. im a good guy i just wanna be a regular guy but im just up here in my head in the cockpit watching me fall down tryin my damnedest to make what im doin make sence but i know it dosent fuck this sucks. I wont lie its fun its the all the happiness i know (what i wanna tell my self). i got to edm shows and get nuts i love it sooo its my medicine i love the music but i alway end up getting drum and talking my self into doing drugs and for the most part the seen and the folks are all cool but i know im lucky that im been lucky this long. wish i could just be cool and handle my shit but i have to admit i cant andi gotta stop. when i meet new people alot (mostly who party but some that dont) are supprised that a clean cut bayby face like me gets as krunk as i do. i think of it as kinda funny but i know its sad taht i have on a few ocassions been tthoguht to must be a law dog at these events but its funny cus ill party with these younf folks and have a blast. i know im worse for ware ill runn into people i havent seen since back when i was on track (many moons ago) and im embaresed cus i used to runn and look really good but now all i eat is crap and drink and smoke bud and dip like a fool.ive been told im bipolar and i am starting to see its ture i get to drinkin and its like a switch i get drunk and manic i have troble holding a conversation cus i wann interup people and i keep fucking up oppritunitys with really awsome girls cus i get so aaaaahhhh ijust open my mout hand word fall all over the place.