I'm married with kids and live what looks like a normal life. In reality I feel like I'm a girl and am obsessed with the thought of having sex with men as a female. When I travel for business, I go on craigslist and pot for anonymous sex. Sometimes I'll have blow or fuck 3 or 4 guys in a single night.

As time goes on, I'm finding myself increasingly thinking about being sa girl, being a sissy, getting called a faggot, and havingg a dick in my mouth or my ass.

I watch so-called strait 'blowbang' porn and sit there wishing as intensely as I wish for anything that I was the girl on my knees with all those big dicks cumming on my face and down my throat.

Increasingly, I've been going online and seeking out 'sissy trainer' or 'cock sucking trainer' videos, or buying hypnosis porn to try and fool my mind into thinking that I'm girl. I know I should stop because it just reinforces my internal thinking that I'm a sissy faggot that should always be on my knees with a dick in my mouth, but it feels so, so good to induldge in it.

I'm not sure how much longer I can maintain my double life. Its not fair to my wife to be married to me, but it would be fair to her and the kids either for me to ostentatiously 'come out' and make a big disruptive scene.

Not asking for advice. I just wanted to get this off my sadly lacking of breasts chest.