I'm a 34 years old married man, but since I was 18 have had these fantasies, anal fantasies, the thought of inserting something into my ass really turns me on, from time to time I've used what ever could find, lately have used my wife's dildo, whenever I do it I get very hard orgasms. You know where all this heads to... I don't like men, I don't see my self making out with one, nor kissing one, but for some reason I get very hard when thinking of ass fuck a man or be ass fucked... it has come to the point where I post "ocasional gay sex posts" I've come as far as to masturbate a guy... on another occasion I meet a guy and we went into a motel, he was very supportive and accepted for me to keep my clothes on while he was naked, also accepted to use a rubber while I sucking his dick, but his hard on didn't lasted long, I was very very nervous and we didn't lasted more than 15 minutes in the room, I felt some guilty but a few weeks later I started messaging him again... and here I am... getting hard while thinking on being fucked in the ass by him, whenever I get these ideas I jerk off so my thrive for anal sex goes away or at least diminish, but I just jerked off and I'm hard again thinking of it, What can I do??

Paul