Seven months ago I married the man of my dreams. He is wonderful and I am so much in love with him I can't believe how fortunate I am today. What haunts me is that there is no way I could possibly tell him what I went through as a child and teenager. My mother was hooked on drugs and a prostitute as early as I can remember although I didn't know any better at the time. All I knew then was that she had many men friends who came and went. I'm not even sure how old I was when she hooked up with Darren but think I was only in first or second grade. Any education I got came in later years because at times I missed going to school for months at a time and once for a full year. We moved around often between North Carolina and Georgia and my mother continued to be pimped out by Darren. He also began molesting me and beating me if I didn't submit to his wishes. He and my mother were doing drugs on a daily basis and my mother had to be aware of his abuse of me but never did anything about it. Not only was I afraid of him but my mother obeyed him as well. My mother called the drugs medicine and she and Darren would shoot up often right in front of me. Darren roamed the house or apartment naked all the time and I would see him and my mother having sex. He was very intollerant of me and beat me with his belt making me strip naked. Privacy, I had none and at times he would make me stay naked for hours at a time. My mother would witness this often but she was either to high or didn't care what he did to me. By the time I was 9 or 10 the sexual abuse started and Darren began making me take pills. He never molested me in front of my mother but would come in my room at night naked. It began with making me jerk him off and aside from him touching me he also began making me give him oral sex. This went on two or three times a week and sometimes the pills he made me take would knock me out. He purposely humiliated me and there were times when he would force me to be naked in front of other men my mother was having sex with. There were several men who came often but even then I didn't realize where all the moiney was coming from. Darren not only pimped out my mother but he also sold drugs, anything from crack to prescription drugs. I still don't know what the pills were that he made me take all the time but I became dependent on them and sometimes asked him for them. As I went through puberty I had already lost any dignity I had and was so used to being molested by him I was no longer embarrassed by my nudity. The first time I had intercouse with him I was 13 and it was a nightmare. He had penitrated me with his fingers many times before but that night he was brutal with me and very rough. The few times I cried out he only slapped me and I finally just gave up. He continued giving me the pills all the time and would come in my room at night when ever he wanted. My mother had to know what was happening but never did anything to stop it. As much as I dreaded him coming in my room I had gotten to the point where he would have me orgasm each time either by intercouse or oral sex. I think he made me masturbate sometimes only to humiliate me. He would make me suck him and force me to swallow his semen. He would never cum inside me but would when he had anal sex with me. I didn't realize at the time but when I got older it was clear to me that the nights he came in my room were the days when he doubled up the pills I took. We were in Georgia for over a year and when went back to North Carolina I was 15 and never went to school that year. There were 4 men who Darren began making me have sex with. They knew I was a minor but they still came once every week. When he forced me to take 3 pills I knew one of them were coming that night. I was subjected to their desires and even though Darren made them wear condoms for intercouse, all four of them would make me give them oral sex without a condom. I shamefully admit having orgasms with them even though I hated them. The one man was very gentle with me all the time but two of the other men would humiliate me to tears. I had become my mother at 16 years old and then found out I was pregnant not knowing if it was Darren or one of the other men. Darren took me to have an abortion and for the first time in years I was sober for a week. Thats when I ran away not knowing where to go. I took 2300 hundred dollars out of Darrens dresser and took a bus to Ocean City Maryland. Aside from Georgia and Noth Carolina it was the only place I was ever at before. I rented a motel and when the money started running out got a job waiting tables. By the time I was 19 I had a car and my own apartment and began going to community college. I was 20 when I started working at a very plush hotel and 22 when the new food and beverage manager took over. His name is Jack and he is my wonderful, terrific, loving husband. He thinks my mother is dead and will never know anything about her or Darren. I even like Jack's family and now they are my family. I just let everyone beleive I was orphaned after my mother died and she is dead to me. Jack will never know what I went through all those years and maybe someday I'll be able to forget. It bothers me less than it did years ago and now with Jack my life has been wonderful.