I am a Catholic priest of 10 years in a rural area. I love my work, but sometimes I wish I was not so alone. I am a straight guy, but I am alright with being celibate. After performing the rites, marriages, funerals, etc., I get tired and restless. Some days I wish I could disappear so that nobody could rely on me for guidance. It is just so draining. Some nights I don't sleep. I just stay awake, dreading what may arise next, a dying parisihoner, a woman wanting absolution for an abortion, someone confessing something awful to me. Some days it's more than I can take and I wish I could disappear and float around the universe, looking at all of God's creation without worrying so much. I wish I could paint or skydive. I wish I could high on life. I wish I could hold a nice sweet woman in my arms during one of these cold and lonesome nights on the Plains. Still, I love what I do when it all comes down to it and when I think about it I realize I'd do it all over again because I have seen some amazing things. Just right now I feel alone and I wish my brother were with me like in the old days, working on the farm together, playing baseball or putting together our model railroad. Instead, he's gone, 4,000 miles away in another country with his wife and kids. We don't talk like we used to. Oh well, I need to stop feeling sorry for myself.