So here I am, 30 years of age and everyday I wake and ask myself why, it all started when I was a child more or less still a toddler. I am the youngest of four, and the youngest of two brothers, I came from a family who had their children taken away by child services, for me this was when I was 2 years of age. I stayed in care from 2 years old until I was almost 13, I spent my life never knowing my family in fact I was allowed visitation only 8 times in the whole time I was in child services. So as an overview, my oldest sister who couldn't follow the rules nor did she like them decided that she and the younger of my two sisters were going to hatch a plan to make my parents life living hell, and they did . they called child services and told them my father was beating them and that my parents were drug addicts, they came and took all four of us children into care....keep in mind that during the 80's someones word was enough to have a child taken away, no investigation was needed in most cases and back then if they looked in your pantry and it lacked anything more than normal it was considered neglect.

So here I am taken to a foster home full of strangers at the age of two, and my first foster mother would hit my for using my diaper "I should have used the potty" quoted from court papers. there was an investigation held and I was moved to a new home within three months of arriving at my first one, apparently these foster parents had a history of abuse, so on to the new home I go at this point I have turned 3 years old, and I remember this. at my new home the people where nice well my new foster mother was, my foster father was a trucker and I rarely spoke or seen him, she was a caring wonderful women who as a child you could never ask for more. then after six months no warning I was moved again, this time with a relative my aunt, she was a some what kind women when her partner wasn't around , you see she was a lesbian and her partner was a manly angry women. In fact she absolutely hated children all children, my aunts partner would kick and slap me when I would talk during her TV shows when my aunt was at work or just not around.

She would threaten me with violence and pain if I ever told anyone, what pain you may ask ? if I were watching TV laying on the floor she would intentionally step on me, not just me but most times my genitals afterwards saying why can't you move for people why do you have to be so ******* rude.I didn't know I was doing something wrong I was only four, I had bed wetting issues at this point and things got worse much worse. When I would wet the bed I would call for my aunt for help, instead my aunts partner would say to here all nice like " oh don't worry I can get it" she would come in and give me a look of death, followed by shutting the door behind her. She would ask me to remove my wet clothing I learned quickly my cloths were coming off no matter what , either I would take them off or she would forcefully . what followed was beyond my understanding she would tel me to lay naked on the bed with my legs spread, as I did this she would proceed to undress and what I know now is pleasure herself while touching me.

The abuse continued until I was 5 and I was moved to a new home , this time I had no clue I was not to be so lucky as I was at my aunts. I was at my new home not more than four weeks and just started school when it began, I had no idea what was to come , the home i was moved to was highly religious and vary traditional dutch german , I was to attend church 3 times a week sundays wensdays and friday nights, when I arrived at this home I had to give up everything I had toys clothing photos of anyone I ever knew and wasn't allowed to play with other children at home or school, my new foster parents had a long history with the school staff and were community friends, it was a small town with a population less than 3,000 people in the middle of amish country.I was born on halloween and this didn't sit well with this family, I was locked in my room for the entire day even kept home from school, I had 4 older foster brothers who would routinely beat me.

Not beat up but beat as in draw blood and even as far as being knocked unconscious many times, they would gather around me while kicking me and punching me in the head chest and back while calling me my nick name, which was given to me by they're father "duivel kind" I didn't know what it meant until I was older. If I was bad I would be locked in the basement of the 200 year old farm house they lived in, yes in the dark and alone, if I couldn't eat all of what was given to me at meals I would be screamed at by my foster father with the words "ondankbaar varken" and than he would grab me by the arm and take me to the hall closet push me in at say "je zult brand in de hel, net alsof je vuile moeder" .He would leave me there for the night and come get me in the morning before he left for work, as he opened the door he would ask now are you ready for you're punishment ?, I could only look at him and say what did I do ? he would respond by saying you have **** and pissed yourself you filthy "kakkerlak".

This home was an english speaking family on the outside but at home it was dutch, and he would ask again are you ready for you're punishment? I gave in and said yes not even knowing why I was even in trouble, he continued and pulled me out of the closet and told me to go get cleaned up, when I came back to him he threw me on the floor and began beating me with his belt buckle end first,after about 10 minutes of the routine belt I was told to pray that god will forgive me for being so evil, this was my existence from arrival at age 6 until age 11...................to be continued