I'm 30 y/o white female who is addicted to black cock. I got really messed up on cocaine and eventually started having sex with my dealer to pay for it.
I thought I would stop, especially after I became engaged. I went over to my des let's house to tell him that I was thru. He was very understanding and the conversation was a lot easier than I expected. We had a few drinks and after a while he started cutting lines of coke on the table and even though I said no at first, we got high together "one last time."
Before I really knew what was happening, we were making out. I ended up having sex with him and 3 of his friends that night. I barely remember anything that happened. I think he might have put something in my drink . . . Or else I was just really fucked up. I think that at least some of what happened was filmed, but not really sure.
I felt like the biggest slut the next few days & promised myself nothing like that would ever happen again. That wasn't the 1st time I cheated on my fiancé, but it was the 1st time since he proposed. A few weeks went by and I was ashamed to catch myself getting turned on thinking about the little bits and pieces that I remembered from my black gangbang.
The more I tried to ignore my feelings and desires, the more insistent they became. After the 1st time I caught myself fantasizing about being owned by a big black cock while being intimate with my unsuspecting fiancé, I gave up trying to fight my growing urges. I'm just an ex (yeah, right, how many "ex" coke-whores have you met?) coke-whore afterall, I guess.
I broke down and made the call from memory (I eraced the # from my phone). I did finally quit using coke. I still hook-up with black guys (and a few others) using online sex dating sites. I only meet a guy once. No attachments, just sex. I'm getting married soon & I don't know what to do. I don't want to ruin my marriage, but I only indulge my secret wants once in a while. I'm very discreet. No one knows about this. I know I should stop. I know it's the right thing to do. I don't want anyone close to me to find out about my secret.
I know all that, but deep down inside . . . I don't want to stop, I just don't want to get caught either . . . But, so far, I haven't been, so . . . If no one (who exist in my immediate circles, no one who matters) knows what I've been doing, it's almost as if nothing happened at all . . .
I thought I would stop, especially after I became engaged. I went over to my des let's house to tell him that I was thru. He was very understanding and the conversation was a lot easier than I expected. We had a few drinks and after a while he started cutting lines of coke on the table and even though I said no at first, we got high together "one last time."
Before I really knew what was happening, we were making out. I ended up having sex with him and 3 of his friends that night. I barely remember anything that happened. I think he might have put something in my drink . . . Or else I was just really fucked up. I think that at least some of what happened was filmed, but not really sure.
I felt like the biggest slut the next few days & promised myself nothing like that would ever happen again. That wasn't the 1st time I cheated on my fiancé, but it was the 1st time since he proposed. A few weeks went by and I was ashamed to catch myself getting turned on thinking about the little bits and pieces that I remembered from my black gangbang.
The more I tried to ignore my feelings and desires, the more insistent they became. After the 1st time I caught myself fantasizing about being owned by a big black cock while being intimate with my unsuspecting fiancé, I gave up trying to fight my growing urges. I'm just an ex (yeah, right, how many "ex" coke-whores have you met?) coke-whore afterall, I guess.
I broke down and made the call from memory (I eraced the # from my phone). I did finally quit using coke. I still hook-up with black guys (and a few others) using online sex dating sites. I only meet a guy once. No attachments, just sex. I'm getting married soon & I don't know what to do. I don't want to ruin my marriage, but I only indulge my secret wants once in a while. I'm very discreet. No one knows about this. I know I should stop. I know it's the right thing to do. I don't want anyone close to me to find out about my secret.
I know all that, but deep down inside . . . I don't want to stop, I just don't want to get caught either . . . But, so far, I haven't been, so . . . If no one (who exist in my immediate circles, no one who matters) knows what I've been doing, it's almost as if nothing happened at all . . .
