First you have got to be honest with and accept yourself. I know that it is hard to do that. I have had to be honest with myself about some things recently. You gotta do you bro. You gotta do you and let everyone else do them. If you have done nothing wrong you have nothing to be ashamed of. The people who love you and care about you will love you no matter what. The ones who walk away you do not need anyway. So be strong for yourself. Besides when people do find out some of your friends will wonder if you had good intentions for being close to them. Best just to get it over with.
Hey, There are quite a few of us who are just like you. I know I have tried a bunch of times to give it up, but always go back. I've been caught by my wife and almost caught by friends, but after a while, I'm looking again. It'll all work out eventually.By the way, I never started until I was 50 and I'm 67 now.