I'm a soon to be 41 year old disabled man. I have malignant high blood pressure and an irregular heartbeat. I also suffer from depression and frequent anxiety attacks. At the moment I live in a small, very drafty shoebox sized apartment in an impoverished neighborhood. Gunshots, sirens and the sheriff helicopter are the sounds I lay down to at night instead of crickets.

In a five year span between 2005 and 2010 I lost my mother and both of my siblings, leaving me and my autistic nephew for all intents alone in the world. I've been doing my best to take care of him and raise him since my mother passed away in '05. His grandmother was his legal guardian. He's the sweetest kid in the world. Though 24 years old, he's just like a child.

I'm afraid all the time.

I'm afraid of dying because of my medical conditions and leaving him alone. I'm afraid of the Fiscal Cliff or something else taking away our only source of income, social security disability. I'm afraid all the time. I feel 100 years most days.

I don't understand why I lost my family. My mother and father and siblings. They were young. I don't understand why I'm alone. I don't understand why I have no one to lean on.

I often dream of winning the lottery and buying a small home for us. Just big enough for the two of us, and putting away some money in the bank. Then I wouldn't have to be afraid anymore. Then if something happened to me he'd be ok. At least he'd have a home and food.

This what I have now... this isn't living. As I type these words I can see my breath before my eyes. I can feel the cold air from outside blowing into the apartment from half a hundred openings the landlord won't seal. Yet I cant afford to live anywhere else. And I'm scared to press the issue because these landlords have a thousand ways to kick someone out and make it look legit.

I'm tired of being afraid.