I started up a friends-with-benefits that turned into a lot of benefits and a really close friendship. She is (was??) one of my top 5 friends. We were both able to see other people, but I never had the balls to do anything to date or hook up with a woman. I thought it might be because I am crazy-paranoid about infidelity and hurting people, due to some family issues, so I said we should stop sleeping together. Then I still didn't chase any women. I went over to her friend's house with a small buzz and a shitload of beer I had brought to another friend's house to watch a football game. We got pretty drunk and had sex. It started the FWB thing again. So she fucked a few other guys in January in addition to me and it really bothered me. Looking back, I mistook envy (me not getting laid) for jealousy (at her being able to get laid). We spent a few days in bed sexing and hanging out for 36 hours straight while her roommate was out of town. A few days after that, she went to see her friends play a show at a bar. I got really REALLY bothered when she stayed out late hanging out with a guy (no sex, I found out later) after I asked her to come give me some middle-of-the-night wakeup sex after she got home from the bars. Keep in mind she had done nothing against our agreed-upon protocol. She texted me when she got home saying it was too late since she had to work the next day, but we texted back and forth after she got home and I told her about the jealousy (again, actually envy). I ended up saying we should be "monogamish." We agreed to consult one another before dating or getting physical with other people. And she asked if she could call me "the guy she's dating" rather than "the guy she's fucking." I agreed to that and all was well.

The problem is that I was not romantically interested in her. I should have straightened all that out the next day when cooler soberer heads could have prevailed. Unfortunately I'm a complete coward about giving people bad news. It came up in conversation tonight when I went to her house after work (after sex, too, cuz I'm a classy guy!). It really hurt her a lot. I'm pretty sure I lost the benefits but I'm sitting here at my computer crying because I really hurt a friend and might have lost her.