let me start out by saying i got married right out of high school then had two kids within 3 years of getting married. many of you will think this was the problem however, there are many others that i will try to sum up. my father was in jail most of my childhood for drugs and my clinically depressed mother raised me. shes my hero for raising three kids on her own. my dad is till involved in drugs and my mom abuses pills off and on. recently two of my grandmothers died. all the while i've felt like something is going to give. my son has adhd and my daughter enjoys getting him into trouble. i dont want to blame them tho and i truely love them. my wife has always been standoffish...at times i dont see any life in her eyes. i wonder if i'm to blame or if it was ever really there. i wouldnt say i have an additive personallity but i do go all in. the years of back and forth may have taken their toll on her.

my question is. is she just weak or am i being foolish?? im almost scared by how easy i forgive. i'll over react and be mad about something serious but she only sees me being mad. should i expect her to comfort me?? either way i forgive within hours or days while she holds onto it.

i've always put on this persona of toughness but if only people knew what a mess i was inside. i'd appreciate if any females would comment. im sure males would call only me ghey. also dont think telling my wife this will make it better. i have poured my heart out and she just stomps on it.

i put this in "dreams and wishes" because i dream and wish about a love that is more powerful, if not with her then someone. someone that could look me in the eye and call me a fucking asshole and then say they love me.