For the past five years of my life I've been trapped in an on and off abusive relationship. The reason for this is because I have no family of my own, and when my step-father died when I was seventeen all the people who I had thought were friends had abandoned me. A few of them took me in, but then kicked me out again before I could get my feet on my ground and because of this I ended up with my now soon to be ex-husband, let's call him L.

As it is, I already come from a nightmarish past full of abuse and thanks to this I'm a total wreck. I suffer from severe depression, I'm schizophrenic, and while I'd never act upon it I fantasize daily about committing mass murder against the people who've tortured me throughout my life.

For the entirety of our relationship he's been on a hell-bent power trip. He's known all too well that I've had no where to go because I had no one else to rely on to take me in, and I didn't want to end up on the streets. Thanks to this, he's used me and kept me crippled emotionally, financially, and even physically.

He's used me as a maid, and even a sex slave. He used to beat me when he'd have a bad day at work, and I can't count the times he'd just scare me half to death when he'd go into what I guess I'd call a psychotic episode.

I was in a car accident four years ago which damaged my back pretty badly, as well as my hip. However, I didn't find out about this damage until a couple years later when it finally started to cause problems.

I've always had back problems before the accident because I've always been extremely busty, for some unbeknownst reason, but now it's escalated to back problems, hip problems, and weight problems. L has known all this time that I've had problems that needed fixing, and has refused to take me to the hospital or even a chiropractor to get checked out.
Instead, he's forced me to stay inside basically becoming a house pet, or house slave. Thanks to my step-father dying before I'd had the chance to get my driver's license, I was unable to just drive myself and L refused to take me either. He wouldn't even so much as give me a simple means of transportation like a bus pass or a bike, and in doing this has inhibited me from getting a job since we've been together.

He ended up joining the military which has dragged me across the states and made my life even harder. It wasn't until after we've already been together for four years that I was finally able to get a driver's license because he deployed and I had the car. During the time of his first deployment I was trying to find a job that I could work without putting too much stress on my back, but to no avail.

Thanks to L raping me when he knew I had no birth control left, I got pregnant and he left for deployment before we'd even confirmed it. He'd just gotten off of his first deployment and got to stay home for a month where I then found out that he'd contracted HPV because his pubic area was covered with warts. When he impregnated me, I'd also contracted it.
He was gone for the entire pregnancy and his parents, who've always fervently hated me for reasons unknown, were the only support group I had during the pregnancy which was my first.

The pregnancy was hell.

I'd developed polyhydramnios, which is a condition where too much amniotic fluids form. This made my pregnancy very rough because I was as big as if I were carrying twins, but there was only one. My breasts have grown to a ridiculous size that makes me look absolutely cartoonish as I'm now wearing a LL cup, but I'm positive that the cup size is too small but finding bras that fit me is next to impossible.

Now L and I are going through a pretty rough divorce, right now we're still waiting to even separate. I will be taking our daughter with me when I move because I'm too terrified to leave her with him alone, under any circumstances. He's flat out told me that he had a discussion with one of his military friends where he'd actually said that being around a baby would stress him out too much and he'd more than likely snap and kill her. He's even gone as far as saying to my face that he doesn't want to be in my daughters life until she's at least five years old, but ideally wants to be around just for her teenage years.

Keep in mind I see him as nothing but a sperm donor to my daughter, especially after the terrible things I've heard him say about her. I also just found out yesterday that he'd gotten the tax return back, and he claimed my daughter as his dependent. Because of this he got over four thousand dollars back on the return whereas without her he'd have only gotten three hundred. Words from his own mouth.

My daughter and I didn't see a cent of that money, and he's already spent it.

In just over two weeks now, I'm going to be moving back down to where I grew up. I'm going to be living with an ex of mine, let's call him M. He and I never left on bad terms, we'd just decided it wasn't our time and decided to part ways. It was a healthy and mutual decision, grant it, we regret it now. He knows everything that has gone on up until now, and even through everything I've been put through insists on being by my side. He's even in love with my daughter and can't wait to be able to raise her as his own flesh and blood. His love gives me courage and hope.

When I finally get there I'm going to start looking into what I have to do to file for full custody of my daughter because L has made it very clear that he only wants to see her, and not raise her. I'm livid at what he's done with the money that should have gone towards me and my daughter, and I don't want him benefiting off of her in any way shape or form in the future.

On top of that I don't want to have to fight with it should M and I end up getting married several years from now, because M has already said that should we get married he wants to adopt my daughter officially.

I've always been incredibly pessimistic because of everything I've been through in my life, but now I have two reasons to look forward and no reason to look back. I'm so close to attaining my freedom that I've craved ever since I was caged by L, that I can taste it and it tastes sweet.