I fell in love with one of my guy friends, and because I cared so much, I was willing to do anything he asked, whatever he needed from me, including lying: to my friends, my family, a cop, myself. I would always justify it - telling myself he trusted me, he depended on me, it meant that I mattered to him. I refused to let myself see the truth - he was using me. Then, out of nowhere, he just threw out our friendship and never looked back, never gave an explanation. Now, I'm afraid to fall in love again, afraid to let myself trust people or let anyone in. I tell myself it's because I'm worried that someone else will do what he did to me, but when I'm honest with myself, I know it's because I'm still in love with him. I'm still waiting for him to change his mind. I always swore that I'd never be that girl - the one who's stuck, waiting for something that's never going to happen, for someone who's never given her anything in return. But here I am, breaking every promise I've ever made to myself, and sometimes, I hate myself for it.