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- Out of the Closet -
Straight Female / 18

ok so i started smoking and smoking weed. my mom knew i smoked but she just found out that i smoke weed.
and we got in a huge heated fight and she kicked me out im living with my sister now and her 4 kids
but i feel so depressed and started cutting myself i got 7 cuts on my arm and 5 on my leg i feel like
killing myself but what can i do im soo alone i never had any one close to me only my grandma but now
shes been dead for 3 years and i still never got over it i have her name carved into my leg and on my
arm i just really need some one to talk to. i try talking to my mom but shes a bitch. shes tring to send
me to rehab- and i dont want to be like this its just that when my grandma died i had no one to talk to
i felt so lost and lonley i loved her more then anybody in the hole world. but then she left. i just want
to be wanted and loved and told that every thing will be ok but i guess thats not what is ment for
me i guess im just ment to be alone.(and please
no hurtfull comments)

6
# 14001 - by Anonymous / March 27, 2013
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Comments

Anonymous

by Anonymous on Mar 27, 2013 at 12:56 PM

Don't wallow in self pity as you are here and for Christ's sake do not harm yourself by cutting anymore. That is the easy/pussy way out. Do something brave like help someone worse off than you. Smile at a stranger, go talk to a shut-in elderly and tell your mom you love her, not call her a bitch. When you live on your own and are responsible for yourself you can do what you want like smoking weed, smoke cigarettes, or be sexual with whom or what you want. I've smoked weed for nearly 35 years but I don't sponge off my parents, relatives, or friends and I don't call them names when they are trying to help me out even if I don't want their help.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Mar 27, 2013 at 2:47 PM

God Bless this unknowing individual!
Listen up, you say you want love, someone to talk to. Your mom tried this with you and you rejected. Now she is trying to help more by getting you into rehab. Listen to her, she is going overboard to help, all you need is to accept. And if the comment above has been on weed for nearly 35 years, he/she needs help also. It's ruining both of your lives. God will forgive you, both of you. All you need do is confess with your mouth and believe with your heart and you will be saved. Believe me!!!!!!!

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Mar 29, 2013 at 7:30 AM

I understand what its like to be the outcast of the family and be depressed. I also know how to overcome it and the value of a friend. If you need to talk my kik is bartenderman

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 2, 2013 at 2:42 PM

Your mom might be crap at being there for you now but the people in rehab might not be. Counseling is where you get to talk about you and someone listens. Don't go to rehab - get your mom to pay for therapy. Don't get CBT, get psychotherapy or a mix of counsellings and cognitive therapy and there you have it - a person your own mom is paying to listen to you and be on your side. It's actually really helpful because though she's paying, they are there to help YOU. Choose someone you're comfortable with and stick with them for a bit. Be warned this does not apply to religious councilors - if possible anyone who will judge you like that deserves to be avoided.

I don't smoke weed but I do know this. Weed is not the problem. Whatever it is that's making you angry and that you're going through these are the issues that matter. You do need and deserve support. But I'm talking about the kind of support which will help you become a fully actualized adult. If you (even secretly) believe that you're a loser and the weed is some part of proving that to yourself then it's a problem. For plenty of people weed is a on-the-weekend type activity. Don't buy into that gateway drug stuff, it's only a gateway drug if you're young, poor, stupid and accept just any old crap anyone wants to give you - or you're having a break down. Personally dealers with one kind of product are to be preferred.

Cutting is also a statement, it's about control. A councilor might be the impartial person to help you negotiate the boundaries in your life that are set at "child" and are now suffocating you because you're growing up and need to be set closer to adult. Learning to deal with an negotiate with your parents - even though they provoke the deepest of emotional hurts in you - is totally part of you getting to be the person you need to be and are meant to be.

It sounds like you are someone who is living a restricted life. I assure you that your mother probably does love you but no-one should take for granted that they understand the relationship between the two of you. When your life is more on your own terms you'll be able to look at that women and be happy she's in your life.

I want to tell you that you are a great person and even great people feel shit sometimes. You totally deserve love and support. When the time is right you will stop cutting because you'll just like yourself too much and be into your life too much to even think about it. Change is scary but good and necessary. Sometimes feeling like crap is the message I need to kick me in the ass and get me changing stuff.

The time has come to learn and grow my friend. It will hurt but it will be worth it. There is so much love in the world for you, hang in there, the best is yet to come. I'm wishing you well.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 15, 2013 at 2:44 PM

FIRST IF YOU SMOKE WEED YOUR AN IDIOT. SHOWS YOU CANT TAKE LIFE AS IT REALLY IS. VERY WEAK. NO ITS NOT COOL. THOSE THAT SMOKE WEED ARE FELT SORRY FOR BY THE REST. IF YOU REALLY WANT TO LIVE LIFE STOP THAT SHIT *FIRST*.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 21, 2013 at 11:55 PM

I hope I am there to be with you...

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