I'm 19 years old and have been battling a severe eating disorder for more than a year. I'm gaining weight again now after having lost more than 20 pounds - I was never fat. I was never even chubby. I've always been skinny - a slim 140 or so at my heaviest.

I have never been more ashamed.

I don't even know what to call it. I chew food and spit it out. Maybe it's a form of bulimia. I can't remember the last time I ate a large meal without feeling shame or disgust or internal betrayal or some painfully negative emotion.

I don't know how to stop.

I don't know how to start to stop.

I'm so so scared.