Im basically married to a girl that has such poor self esteem and poor self image, we have a difficult sex life and i have trouble communicating. We are all damaged i suppose, but i cant help feeling like ive been disrespected for so long.

She had a thing for drinking a lot,
She had a lot of guy friends she would drink with, i didnt even know many of them, they looked creepy, i never tried to get drunk around girls in school, they were so Fucking daft, i wasnt even lonely, just confused about where i stood with her, with my love for her, myself.

She would black out, i forgot all the times she would tell me about sleeping in somone elses bed, why would it matter to him(me) i dont think she ever asked herself. Sitting in this house brings back all too many things. Shes just in the other room,

I forgot the times she would fuck her friends, girls were the only ones i knew of, she always set me aside from her other friends, i always felt like i was in the crossfire. It hurt me, feeling like the floor had been dropped from beneath me.

We share a connection one that has revealed many amazing worldy things to me, telepathy, channeled healing, emotion absorbing, communication beyond words, timelessness,
Amazed hurt loved unloved. My mind is a mess, humanity is a mess. We all must be nicer to one another.

She lied to me about being pregnant, i trusted her and supported her, then it disappeared, i would think to myself, was she lying?? When she told me we were in the car, i could tell she was thinkng about it. I forgave her out of love, despite the brokenness that surrounded us.
Though things are not better, i still love her. Its hard to leave someone, i dont want to leave her, i can forgive, forgetting is where i feel things get hazy for me.