I've been off of drugs now for almost two years. My x boyfriend Doug was not only my boyfriend for two years but also my supplier of crack and weed. During the year and a half I lived with him he turned me into a crack whore in a matter of months. I recently moved to the east coast, mainly to avoid seeing men who I have had sex with and mony others who simply saw me naked at one time or another. There are also many pictures and videos of me naked and performing sexual acts on both guys I knew but also men I don't remember. At first I was just head over heals about Doug but things soon changed and he had me completly under his control. It started out with his brother and two of his friends who Doug insisted I perform oral sex on them or at least masturbate them. I was so hooked on the drugs that Doug began letting his brother and many friends have sex with me. I don't remember when it actually started but soon guys I had never meet before began having sex with me. I never saw them pay Doug but I assume he was pimping me out since it happened almost once every day and as many as three times on Saturdays. He permitted these guys to take pictures and many took videos, mostly of me performing oral sex on them. Til today I have no idea of how many guys I had sex with during those years and didn't realize at the time how often pictures and videos were taken. I hadn't seen my parents or brother during that time and only spoke to them breifly a few times a year. What ironicly save me was when I was arrested with a considerable amount of drugs, both crack and prescription pills. The court was lenient with me and ordered me to rehab which still didn't stop me until I got arrested a second time and spent 8 months in jail. Once I got out I didn't go back to Doug, instead moving back in with my parents. I soon found out about all the pictures and videos that where taken of me from other friends. My past became a nightmare and anytime a guy looked at me I began wondering if he saw me naked or if I had had sex with him. Even worse I didn't know how many pictures or videos were out in the open but knew there had to be hundreds. How many people have seen them and how many guys still have them still humiliates me today. Even my parents and brother know about them but there is nothing I can do about it and can only blame myself. I never go back home anymore but fortunately my parents and brother visit me a couple times a year and I do talk to and email my parents a few times a week. I have a decent job and three months ago began dating a real nice guy and for the first time in a long time am comfortable having sex. I remember the embarrassment I endured when living with Doug, but was to stupid and dependent on the drugs to get myself out of it all. Regret is an understatment to the absolute humiliation I allowed myself to be subjected to. I live in a nice area and have quite a few new friends who don't know about my past and never will. I will never go back to taking drugs and know first hand the consiquences of being hooked on them. For a long time I put all the blame on Doug and even though he didn't care about me, I was the one who continued letting them abuse me sexually. I could have left Doug at anytime but I didn't. I guess it will haunt me the rest of my life why I ever let myself get into such a demeaning situation or why I never objected to the many photos and videos taken of me. As time goes on I think about it less but its always in the back of my mind as to how dumb I was. I used to have thoughts of suicide which I no longer do. Life gets better each day and I say no to drugs.