I hated everything about jol (not real name but close) I felt each time I went to her private therapy meetings I was being more and more burnt and locked in. each time she moved just that little bit forward and got more touchy and threatening to layout a bed for us to experiment on to relive the past trials and torments locked away in my mind. she was telling me I was lacking sexual feeling towards others and had a method to fix it.

she was very like my older sister. controlling, bullying and forceful.

I still have hate in every part of me for what she was doing. then I found out there were others going through the same thing with her.


how did she keep the lie going with her spouse (or spouses as it later turned out) is what I don't understand.

I wonder what happened to her and her little tricks. suddenly she disappeared and maybe she finally got what she wanted.

when people talk of hard brutal masters that was her. the cruelest and I could never bare to be touched by her. one day she hugged me and I felt so dirty because I knew I had been lied about and used. she could not have been more of agog with herself after she got people around her finger and hurt me.

there is something evil about people who give you half the recipe or have the formula and make a fool of you. those who make you face the fool you really are, and left with the angry bitter burnt out self.