Two years ago, I was having sex with a woman who I did not treat entirely well. But the sex was great, for at least a little while. Here is how the sex was great, and how at the same time I may have been a jerk.

We first met at a mutual friends party. We started talking on facebook. I'm a white guy, she was a black woman; I thought it was kind of exotic that somebody of a different race was so enamored with me. She wanted to meet up with me but I blew her off several times. Finally, we met up and saw Red Tails. It was a shitty movie. The next time we met up, we lay down on her couch, making out. She wore a stylish black shirt and black silk pants. I massaged her back underneath her shirt and reached up to unhook her bra. I did so and we kept kissing. Fifteen minutes later, my ears were a milky, muffled swirl as her legs locked around my head and pushed my tongue further in to her pussy. I licked her harder and faster when she did this. When she spread her legs back open, I could hear her panting and moaning again and it encouraged me to keep licking. As I kept licking, her vulva opened wider, swelling around my mouth, brushing against my nose. I wanted to make her as wet as I possible could. When I peered up at her, her tits were bouncing around inside her white nightshirt and her head was cocked to the side. I kept licking and her thighs shut around my head again and my hearing went blank. I felt her feet touching my back. She opened them again and I kept licking and her vagina kept contracting. I am not sure if she closed her legs around my head because of nervousness or because she felt she was about to cum. In a few more minutes I stopped, put on a condom, and we had sex. Her body rocked back and forth so her head inched off the pillow, perilously close to the ceiling. She didn't notice or care because her eyes were shut and she was moaning. Feeling her arms tighten around my back and hearing the squeaking of her mattress made me feel I had a kind of power over her. I massaged her face and came inside her and it felt good.

A couple days later, I came back to her apartment and made the mistake of telling her that I was doing a screening of one of my films at the movie theater where I worked the following night. I had been planning not to tell her because I just didn't really want her to come. But when I mentioned I had to tell her that she could come if she wanted. She said of course she would and hugged me as she said so. Later that night we had sex again and I ate her pussy again. This time she was quieter and it went faster. After, we lay side by side, face to face, and I told her that when she came to the theater the following night she should not hug me or kiss me or show me any affection. I just didn't want that. She nodded. I believe in this same conversation I asked if I could stay at her apartment for several weeks in March, because I would be quitting the movie theater and be between apartments. She nodded and said of course. The following day she texted me saying that she wasn't feeling well and that frankly the thing I had said about me not wanting her to show me affection that night suggested that I didn't want to make our thing public whatever it was. She wasn't too happy.

I recall in my last days at the theater flirting with a young woman who worked there. She was thin and mousy and somewhat fragile and I could not stop thinking about hooking up with her. I got her number at one point and said I would try and stop by a bar where her and her friends were going that night. It never happened; I had too many things to do.

The black woman and I went on one more proper date. We went to a cafe and talked about our families and our lives. The next time I was at her apartment, we lay in her bed side by side, facing each other and I slid my hand down her belly and in to her panties. I dipped two fingers in to her pussy and worked at it. At first she was just moaning performatively. She got more in to it gradually and moaned louder, opened her mouth wider, and folded her legs over my hand. When we had sex that day she lay on the edge of her bed and I stood there and did her like that. I slipped out and she, mid-moan, said, 'Oh baby, I'm tight, I know.' We switched to doggy style and she panted loudly. I spooned her with my chest pressed against her back, going in from behind. It was very difficult for me, but she came within minutes and I slipped out. I had to guide my cock in and out of her pussy with my hand before getting off in that position.

Several days later, an artist came to her apartment to draw a portrait of her. Before I left, we kissed and I told her we should meet for lunch tomorrow. She said okay. The next day I texted her again, but she did not respond. I went home for a little while. I broke up with her by text a few days after getting home, saying that I wasn't coming back to New York and we should just see other people. She was righteous, livid. We did see other people.

I've got a girlfriend now and I really like her and don't treat her this way. I just wanted to confess how bad I've been in a sort-of relationship. And I want to know that she felt good when her legs were closed around my head and she wanted more of me, not that she felt awkward in that moment. I'll leave it to the ladies to evaluate my behavior.