i wrote something about my sex life awhile back and it has been so liberating and freeing that i have decided to confess about my only lesbian experience a few years ago which messed up my relationships for years. i now am in a relationship with a man that loves me, but i am hoping this confession helps me.

i had just turned 15 and school was out for the summer, so i was a junior-to-be. i longed for a physical relationship with a boy; i had only one experience with a boy before, where we got naked and mutually masturbated each other, but my attempt at giving him oral sex (an act I read about in one of the magazines my older sister kept under her bed) le to him getting too nervous that someone find us out. for e next two years despite my best flirting efforts i couldn't attract anyone. i was so horny all the time i probably would have given myself to any guy then. so i began to masturbate A LOT! That always ended with brief pleasure and an overwhelming wave of shamefulness about being dirty and then depression about being unattractive to anyone and that no one would ever want me. it didn't help that i had a bad case of acne, still had braces, and i had no boobs although i was very happy that i had gained some weight that looked like it gave my butt a curve so i was no longer SUAD (straight-up-and-down). comments by boys about me, such as having "itty bitty titties" or "tiny tits" were especially hurtful.

i did have some good friends, although all in our little nerd group that was unpopular with all boys and most girls. one day my friend Cindy and i went to the mall to buy some girl things (bras and shoes it turned out). i was jealous of Cindy who had filled out to a B-cup, but didn't look too developed as she was six feet tall and she had this naturally goofy look which was endearing to us but apparently repelled boys. and she was hopelessly naive! one time a boy she liked asked her if she wanted to come out to his family's place (both Cindy and the boy lived on farms) and he would show her his cock, and she thought he was going to show her his 4-H project! (SERIOUSLY!)

Cindy and i went into a store and picked out a few bras each to try on. We went into the dressing room and took off our tops. I liked doing girly stuff with Cindy because my older sister (who had all the boobs and hips in the family) didn't want anything to do with me). I had to admit that Cindy had a nice rack as we tried things on, it all felt very feminine and i thought we both seemed to enjoy the camaraderie of sisterhood by showing each other our (hopefully) budding breasts. i loved being topless (my secret vice was walking around topless like a boy at home - and sometimes nude - when my family was gone. Cindy being almost a foot taller than me and as rail-thin as me gave me an interesting perspective on beauty (although her family called her "gawky") that i appreciated.

Cindy decided to try one bra (she needed one, as her family was poor and she had out-grown the one she was wearing). i liked this light blue one but my mother would only let me have a standard white model. but then i decided to defy my mother somewhat and i asked Cindy that if i bought it could i keep it at her house (although i wondered what her mother would think with another girls bra in her drawer. but i bought it and Cindy and i would keep it a secret.

a few days later i went over to Cindy's and changed into my new bra for the afternoon before i went home. then i met Cindy's sister Connie who i had heard of but never met as she away in college since i knew Cindy. she asked where Cindy and i had gone the few days earlier, to which i answered that we were bra hunting. we then got into a conversation abut bras, our likes and dislikes, etc. i didn't think any more of it.

a few days later on a whim i went back over to Cindy's, but only Connie was there. i asked if i could go into Cindy's room and get something, which she let me in and i changed into the bra. but Connie came into the room just as i got the bra on and asked if that was the new one. we got into another bra conversation. Connie then said that Cindy was going to be gone all day, but if i had the time, would i like to go shopping with her?? i was flattered that a beautiful and more sophisticated person would let a schmoo like me tag along with her, so i accepted.

we got in her car (a convertible no less and she was doing to Audrey Hepburn look with scarf and sunglasses she was so cool) and we drove a long time. i asked where we were going and she said there was this awesome lingerie shop by her school that she thought i would like. her school was 50 miles away from our town so it took a long time to get there.

the lingerie shop was awesome, things were much more silky and lacy than what was in our local department store. Connie asked me if there was anything i wanted to try on, so i grabbed a few things. we took our initial choices into a fitting room together, and Connie immediately took her top off then slithered out of her bra. i must have gawked at her bare breasts as they were the first real adult boobs i had ever seen (although Connie was only 20 they were well-developed and firm, nothing like the breasts of my friends). i was so hesitant to try anything on because i was in the presence of such beauty that my knees were weak, but finally Connie said not to be shy because they're only boobs, so i joined in by starting to remove my t-shirt when Connie helped me get it over my head. then she reached in an unhooked my front-opening new light blue bra, so there i was with my little bare breasts in front of my best friend's equally topless goddess of an older sister. Connie leaned in and kissed me on the lips and touched me on the shoulder. i knew i was getting aroused because i felt my nipples exploding and i tried my best to kiss her back but then she said "c'mon, lets try stuff on!," so for an hour we tried on lingerie in front of each other. i stuck to bras, but Connie eventually moved on to other items that required her to take her jeans off, when i then discovered that she wasn't wearing underwear. she had this really closely-trimmed full bush which i was very jealous of and this beautiful round butt with no tan lines. she must have sensed my awkwardness, so she came over and held my hand and kissed me, saying don't be shy its only us girls. i felt so wet i thought if i took my jeans off i'd be dripping down there. Connie reached down and started to unbutton my jeans, but i told her that i was really uncomfortable taking my pants off there. it wasn't really true because i did want to, but adding to all my teen drama was the fact that a few days earlier i was experimenting with trimming my pubic area and did such a bad job that i had to shave it all off and now i was embarrassed because i looked like i was nine years old again down there. Connie looked every bit of the woman i desperately wanted to be and i was so excited hen she would bump into me occasionally while trying things on. i thought she was so beautiful and she was letting me see her beautiful body that i wanted to touch so badly.

when we were done we put our clothes back on and Connie made her purchases. i didn't because i had no money. when she was done Connie asked if we could stop by her dorm room before we went home so she could get a few things. we did and she told me that her roommate was gone for the quarter and that she was all alone for the next eight weeks (said with a pouting expression). then she said she had a surprise for me and handed me a bag, and that i should go in the bathroom and put it on then come out to show her. i went in the bathroom and opened the bag to find a very skimpy two-piece thing (not sure what the exact name was) which was a thong-like bottom and a top that was almost veil-like, and both had bits of lace and little fabric flowers on it. i didn't want to disappoint her so i took off my clothes and put on my gift despite my feelings of embarrassment because of my earlier shaving misadventure. even though the top was an A-cup it was still a little loose which added to my embarrassment. this thing showed a lot of skin and i didn't fill it out very well. but i didn't want to disappoint her so i steeled myself and closed my eyes and walked back into the main room so she could see me in my present. i could see her standing there a few feet away from me, but then i started to tremble and cry because all i could think about was my feminine ideal was now looking at a skinny acne-faced bucktoothed mousey girl with no boobs or ass who had a bald pussy because she couldn't shave like an adult and had no sexual experience except for one time getting naked with a boy and trying to give him oral sex but obviously not to well because he never talked to her again and who was so ashamed of being so horny all the time because it made her masturbate so much that she must be some kind of pervert like her mother says she is because she'd been caught more than once. i became so weak that i slumped to me knees i felt so useless. my top was so loose that both straps went to the side and i had to use one hand to hold the top on while i was wiping my running nose with the other while i was crying.

Connie came over and helped me up and she was comforting me with her words and lightly was kissing my cheek as she spoke. then we started kissing on the lips. i reached my arm up to hold her head but then my top fell off and i half-giggled through my tears. she started to stroke my boobs and led me over to her bed. she laid me down and then took off her own top and jeans, but now she had a maroon-colored lacy pantie and bra set. then she laid down beside me and held me, then we kissed and touched tongues, which started off six hours of sapphic love where we kissed, fingered and licked each other into a sexual haze (for me at least). i couldn't tell you how many orgasms i had. Connie taught me everything about same-sex sex - rubbing boobs and pussies, cunnilingus (the first time anyone had done that to me), how to do the scissors thing, etc. we even took a shower together and after soaping me up she fingered my butthole and i did the same to her. Connie had some dildos, including a double-dong one, but i told her i wasn't ready for that and she understood.

eventually i had to go home and i was way late but i didn't care and made up some lame excuse that i am sure my mother didn't believe anyway. but of course i forgot that i was still wearing the forbidden light blue bra, which i tried to hide but my mother eventually found it anyway, you know how mothers are. so i got sat down by my mother and given a lecture about how society made young girls grow up too fast and the perils of early sexuality, and all the time i just wanted to say back to her that i once got naked with a boy and jerked him off and put the head of his penis in my mouth, and a few days ago i had lesbian sex with Cindy's older sister and we ate each other out in the 69 position and i had an orgasm while her finger was up my butt! AND I LIKED IT!

I always thought that the first time i say an erect penis and touched it that there was no way I could ever be a lesbian, but now i thought there was a real chance i could be at least bi-sexual, but i didn't think i could ever give up a hard penis, if i ever experienced one again.

i feel a lot better. thanks for reading my experience