I want to be angry at you for being that way when we had a chance. It was my fault too, and I definately still feel some regret. I think I'm always going to have that regret, but with time, it seems like it may get easier to deal with it. You get under my skin, and you evoke all sorts of emotions. I wish I could hate you so that it would have been easier for me to move on, but for the past 2 years, I have been single. I wanted to figure myself out and be alone, and I had the chance to date, but I turned down offers. I regret that also, especially not going to dinner with one person who might have been better for me. It was already too late for us, but I needed time to heal. I was heartbroken. Now I understand why casual things aren't realistic for that long when there were feelings. I distanced myself when I knew you fell in love with me, and it bothers me that I was so scared to trust. I'm still scared, and that's probably the real reason I'm single. It was NOT ur fault entirely. Even though you moved on, I feel like you aren't truly happy, and I'm sure that there is something that she still isn't doing. That is why you are so hung up on me and the past and cannot let go. I always thought you were weak and needed crutches to get by. Is all of the money you got through her worth it?? I know nothing is going to change in your life. You will stay with her, continue to cheat on her, and she will continue to be oblivious to everything. You will get the best of both worlds, but I wonder who will cheat with you the way your appearance is declining. I'm not even saying that out of spite, but you are aging and haven't been taking care of yourself. I hate myself for caring what happens to you when you don't deserve anything. I think I care out of guilt because of something that you did for me that I feel forever indebted to you about. I need to move on. I keep on telling myself that it's done, but it never is. It's so much harder done than said, and I wish there was a way to erase you from my memory. Your contact information isn't even in my phone, and I have no pictures of the past. The issue is all of it is in my head, and I'm holding on too tightly. It bothers me that you cared about me when you didn't have to and wanted to commit to me, but I threw you to her. I had my chance, and that's ancient history, so why does it bother me so much?? Why can't you go be happy instead of wanting to come back into my life??