I've got two best friends and they're married to each other. My husband is away a lot and I spend a lit of time with them both. We've all known each other since high school and have always been very close. There was a time where it seemed that the guy, Jake, looked like he would get together with me but I went away for a summer and when I came back he'd hooked up with Mindi my best friend instead. Mindi and I were always very tactile and Jake just joined in with that. We'd all snuggle up together, hug and stroke each others arms and legs when we were waisted. Nothing more than that for years. One time Jack admitted to me that he wanted both of us to be in a relationship with him but he knew that Mindi wouldn't be into it.

Tbh, I didn't know that I'd be into it either so I was relieved that Mindi wasn't. Over the years though I got used to and totally comfortable with the touching. I thought nothing of cuddling with him even if she wasn't there and when I was half asleep I never moved away from his hands when he stroked my head, neck or arm. It never occurred to me that he was playing a very long game. On some level I knew it wasn't right, when I started dating Greg, now my husband I would be quite a lot less tactile with them both. I always found Jake attractive but there was no way I was going to betray Greg or Mindi by cheating. So time passed.

Greg and I were having some troubles so I came to stay over a few nights. Their little daughter was sleeping in what used to be the spare room and she was very restless, so I slept on the sofa in the den. After getting their little girl to settle, Mindi and Jake joined me for a movie. I was already in my pj's. A pair of little shorts and a baggy t-shirt and had slung a cover over me ready to sleep. They pulled up on either side of me and we snuggled up together. Mindi and resting against each other and Jake stroking up my back lightly. As time went on I felt his hands lightly tracing down my back and I noticed I was getting wet so decided that I needed to go brush my teeth. I hugged them both and said I'd be back in a moment.

When I returned Mindi and Jake were curled up together as if sleeping. She was very relaxed and resting on his shoulder definitely asleep. I thought about going to their bed and letting them have the sofa but Jake opened his eyes and said something about the movie not being over yet. I sat down next to him, letting myself rest against him and soon began to doze. I felt his hand tracing my head and neck, like a good massage. he brought his hand under my shirt from the back. Touching me slowly and softly everywhere but not my breasts. Half asleep I was getting wet again and my nipples craved to be touched. As his hands explored under my shirt I guided him up to my breasts and he began to gently squeeze and pull at my nipples. As this went on he let his hand slip lower to my pussy, dipping down through my shorts he traced my wetness before bringing it back up to my lips and making me suck it off his fingers.

Even half asleep I knew it was wrong but like I said he'd been playing a long game and it didn't feel abnormal at all. I knew it was wrong but I let it happen. They both went to bed and the next night he did it again. This time he stroked down to my ass. I have a very round sensitive ass and I love anal sex. His hands squeezing my cheeks made me so much wetter than the night before. He seemed to notice and gently saw how much of my ass that he could explore with me in this half asleep state. As his thumb brushed my asshole I shivered and he knew. He raised his fingers to my mouth and made me suck them and then pushed one then two into my willing asshole, spinning them around and making me groan inwardly with pleasure. I felt like such a bitch. My best friend was sleeping right there with us and I was letting her husband stick his fingers in my ass as my husband sat at home by himself. I felt so gross and slutty that when he took his fingers from my ass and made me suck them I just did what he wanted. I felt like a slut whore and bitch and not in a good way. I wanted him to degrade me because I felt like it was degrading, I didn't want to pretend to him or myself that it was love making of any kind.

She had a doctors appointment the next morning, he drove their daughter to her grandparents and I sat in the garden on a deckchair feeling like a witch. There were so many reasons that this was wrong but on the other hand he'd played a good long game. I was so used to his touching and stroking me, head massages, foot rubs etc and I found him so attractive that sometimes even the smell of him made me wet that physically in the animal sense of things I wanted him badly. Because of the wrongness I wanted him to use me. It was totally fucked up. I heard the door of the house and came back indoors expecting Mindi but it was Jake. We looked at each other intensely and then kissed, it was a wonderful kiss soft but passionate and if it had happened back when we were 17 instead of now it would have been totally right.

We explored each others bodies and confessed love of a kind. It will sound strange but I couldn't figure out how it started and all the time it was going on I didn't really want it. I love Mindi the way I love Jake and I love Greg in a whole different way. Everytime I did something with him I would be breaking my own heart. Somehow I had entered into a pact of silence and I had ruined two marriages and broken the friendship trust of a lifetime. When he fucked me I couldn't handle it, I loved it with my body and hated myself at the same time. I needed him to abuse me and not make soft gentle love to me. He would get up in the middle of the night and come to me and brutally fuck my face making me drink his cum. It had the kind of wrong - used kink to it that I needed. It was wrong so let it be wrong, filthy assfucking wrong. I let him touch me however he wanted. Though he'd finally got hold of me, it wasn't how he wanted it to be he wanted Mindi in on it so we could fuck guilt free.

One night he got Mindi really buzzing and told me to do to her what he'd done to me. I slowly traced my hands over her body as normal but getting near her breasts I avoided them at the same time. Finally in her buzzed state she pulled my hands onto her tits. This eventually lead to us making out and me eating her out while Jake watched. As far as she is concerned I became her lover and not his though. So he feels less guilty. I feel lost and abused and yes I love the sex, it's some of the wildest kinkiest sex I've ever had, I feel horrible about myself and near suicidal. There is no way I can tell Greg about this but I want him back. I used to feel like a person, now I feel like a fuckdoll. I both love and hate Jake and I love Mindi but Greg was my soulmate, I've broken everything.