You're not alone. Many women enjoy being punished physically. It's some kind of catharsis - a release of emotions. Our society has trained men to be meek, mild, well mannered and docile. Women crave the physicality. They want to be taken, used, fucked by a man not some metrosexual limp dick. It's why women are attracted to bad boys, so often to their detriment.
Find someone you can trust, a boyfriend who will give you what you need. There are many of us out there willing to treat you the way you want to be treated - spankings, bondage, whips, needle and knife play.
I like being sensually tortured, held down hard and forced to suck and fucked in my ass,too.I get off on having my breast masauged and painfully teased.I especially like being pissed on and in, and of late have been succoming to being forcefully anally punch fisted !