Hard to even get close to thinking serious but I feel death is near to me.
I am divorced 4 years, live alone. i have no friends.
I suffer panic attacks often.
I feel affriad to live and afraid to die..
There is no love. I cant find it. i dont mean sex i mean real love and care.

i need help but dont know where to go or who to ask. i dont live in the city.
last night i was on the floor. i had called an ambulance. i spent all night in emergency ward.
they gave me drugs to keep me calm and did every kind of test and found nothing.

yet here i am alone at home afraid to die.

my life, like james bond, really like that.
i should have been already dead 12 times but im still alive asking why.

i died once in hospital for 40 seconds and remember screaming as they made me wake up. the pain to be inside this physical body. just to exist in this physical realm.

i went to physyciatrists twice wondering if im going crazy but they tell me just to relax that i am perfectly sane.

i am affraid alone and i am tiered of being alive

i dont want simpathy. i just have my computer as my only friend and i didnt know where to put these words.

my spelling is bad because i am so tiered i cant think good.

where is love and why is this physical life so painful.