Just today, I had finished taking a dump, and had just about finished wiping, when I heard this cracking noise beneath me, and I felt the seat shift under me. Immediately, I knew the toilet seat had broken all the way through under me. Worse, the skin of my leg and my leg hair got caught in the crack (no, I didn't get my dick or my ass caught - this is a true story). Not only did it hurt, but it hurt all the worse when I tried to pull myself free! So, I screamed for my wife. I screamed hystericaly so she could hear me through the bath room door. She rushed in to help, when she saw what had happened, and was at a loss of what to do. So, I risked tearing my skin, and I ever so carefully pulled myself free, leaving a nasty red mark, but shedding no blood thankfully. Minutes later, I was on the phone with our apartment house manager, and told him: "I've got an emergency, but a funny one," explaing what had happened.
He answered: "Yeah, I know, I heard."
I had screamed so loud and hystericaly for my wife to hear that our apartment manager had heard me as well.
Damn it, I had forgotten the window was open.
Thankfully, he had replaced the toilet seat without ripping into me for fun.